Round and round...

I guess (I mean, I know) I had a bit of relief and new / old low syndrome that sent me into a not so healthy eating frenzy for about a week.
My weight is back up- but I'm coming to the mount about it and am ready to employ my solution:
The no chew plan.

I'm in a new cycle of learning at this point with the band-- and while I am really pro this level of restriction in terms of my ability to eat the widest range of fruits, vegetables and all foods, I don't feel like I've stabilized yet.  I'm keeping a pretty close eye on my weight- and that's why I am going back to a liquid diet to clear myself up again.

I guess it might be sort of a variant of a 5 day pouch test... I have read and heard tell of that plan and it makes a ton of sense to me.
For today: it will be a simple day, just fruits, vegetables and protein shakes. [Modified liquid diet.]
The one twist I'll be adding is that I am going to permit 1 'chew'-- and that will be a protein bar in my favorite variety- chocolate almond-- which I'll be able to look forward to this evening.  

This was one thing that I failed to do the last time-- I didn't put a 'look forward to/ treat' into my plan-- and now I remember: that's just too damn punishing.
I feel a great amount of relief and confidence that I can get through a pretty busy workday with protein shakes, tea, coffee, fruit/ veg (if I want it) and knowing that I can have a yummy treat at the end of the day that won't blow my program.
I have a great set of protein shakes that are 30 grams of protein and 160 calories per unit.
They are filling and tasty-- so I am easily set with those... and I essentially allow myself to have a shake any time I want it b/c they are not a binge-type 'food.'  I'll need to have at least three of those today-- so that brings me to 480 calories.  The protein bar will be another 190.
Milk in coffee or tea will be another 200 calories... and another 200 for fruits/ veggies that I might eat.
I should come in under 1200 calories, which will be the goal.

As I said: I'm learning again.
I'm putting myself back together with the band and remembering my goals-- weight loss, stability, dismissal of weight craziness etc.

Obviously: I'm not in that space YET, and I suppose that I'll have to go back to making the terms that I need to go to get a slight adjustment (more fluid in the band) if I can't get firmly back down in weight again.... but I'm going to try this today.

It's not easy, but it is also not easy to allow my weight to balloon out of control.  I can't and won't let that happen right before my very eyes.

168.6- solid

I'm glad, I've been out of the 170's for 2 days.
Back baby.

Yesterday's post made sense- I'm making sense!

Journaling after my big unfill is giving me some good perspective-- and I am proud of myself that I am not giving up or giving in.
As I gain even more perspective, I may see just how much my body really needed time to heal after the unfill before I started up with a weight loss 'program' per say.

Based on what I wrote yesterday, I decided to look back in my medicine cabinet for the diet pills (DP or DP's from here)  and see if I had a short supply to take prior to going in to the surgeon's office.  I do so I did take the the 17.5 pill yesterday and it made a difference. I was far less cravy and able to push away my plate at dinner, skipping dessert- only to have a tiny bit later. (I know, big deal- right? But I've been having trouble.)

I ate:
1 leftover sushi roll piece (this was a rich piece of roll: piece of soft shell crab, fried, with avocado, rice)
coffee with a small bit of creamer
3 bites of green salad w/ turkey (did NOT taste good, ugh- had this at a lunch and just left my plate to the side.)
handful of salt and vinegar potato chips, ~8 oz diet coke
1 mozzarella stick
~ 4oz lean burger, tbs hummus, feta cheese, cucumber and tomato salad, 2 pcs flat bread
1 mozzarella stick
1 very small brownie (literally 1 inch cube size)

Now listen: this was the WORST eating day nutritionally  that I've had in quite some time-- it was a work day where I had a lunch out of my office that I meant to eat salad and the salad was vile.
Because I ate so little during the day-- and it was sort of intentional and somewhat accidental, I did wind up having a small snack about 5 hours post dinner (literally around midnight).

But the DP (taken at noon time) DID help me with my self-control-- I think it kind of filled in the blank that the band would be taking up for me if it were slightly more well adjusted.
That being said-- I didn't even have time to make the damn appointment for a fill... so I will have to do that on Monday.

I cannot guarantee (and who is asking for one??) that I'll take the rest of the DP's each day until I go to the surgeon- but yesterday was an encouragement that I am not crazy and that I am fighting some sort of physiological fight that is a losing battle-- helped typically by the band.  I'm glad this is all going down the way it is... I'm learning.  I can also go in to the doc's office armed with information-- here's what happened: unfill, crazy weight fluctuations, tried and gave up on 17.5 mg DP's, increased appetite and struggle/ upset, back to DP's-- now I need to fill in the blank for the last part before I go in to the doc's office.
My fantasmagorical hope is that I'll be able to get my weight back down out of the 170's to where I do not feel in such danger-- and be close to the weight I was when I went in for the unfill.
Not sure why or whom I am trying to kid: but 170's is a scary weight for me and I want out as soon as I can get out.

I think I end most every post like this: but at least I am giving it my best. I'll keep trying.

Not getting there yet-- a vacation!

Well: my weight is still bouncing around in the low 170's-- and so I'll be back in the doc's office next week. I must make an appointment for myself today.

The thing is, no matter how I try: I am not normal relative to appetite.  I am fighting to succeed in a battle I never could win on my own- and so I've got to cry uncle at this point.

I definitely have learned some things about myself in this time of being looser with my band.  Probably looser than I've been in 2.5 plus years.
I am now looking at this time of being in the lower fill range as a brief 'vacation' and just going with it a bit.  That is to say: yes I am feeling upset and anxious in the back of my mind about my weight being up-- but now that I've determined that I'll go back for a fill- I am just going to chalk this looser time up to being on a bit of a band 'vacation' for the time being.

In other words: I think I've kept myself rather TOO tight in the past, so that fruits and veg are hard to get down... and then if I have an occasional mistake of stuckness, I run the risk of getting MAJOR STUPID tight and all hell breaks loose-- including bad habit eating: focusing on sliders.

The moral of the story is that I'll be asking for a very conservative adjustment, and will go slow with added fluid in the band-- working to reach a point of less hunger, less craving, more satiety for longer AND still being able to get the wider variety of fruits and veggies into my system.

I'll tell you: it is REALLY hard to keep my equilibrium about the whole scenario.  I am freaked out that my weight is up-- but I recognize that I have help in my surgeon's office. Take it from me: I understand weight gain shame but I won't let that stop me from getting in there NOW before 5 extra pounds turns into 10 or 15 pounds.

Refeeding. Bleh.

So: since I've had my band loosened, almost to the day, my weight went up and up by several pounds-- and my rings got super tight. Frank water retention that FREAKED ME OUT.

Despite efforts to eat less and make excellent choices-- the scale has not been my friend-- swinging all the way up to 172.2 yesterday. WTF?
I did some research on 'refeeding syndrome'-- and I believe I have the mildest touch of it, mainly expressing itself in water retention.  At its core, refeeding syndrome is VERY dangerous and needs medical management... that's not where I'm at.  Rather: my body, which I think was undernourished for several weeks from such a tight band, is holding every nutrient and every drop of water.

I am just now dropping off some of the water-- with more to follow. Today at 170.6 and I anticipate the scale will continue to go down.

The intense urge to 'diet' is there-- of course-- but instead of going on some obscenely restrictive path (which I don't really think I can make myself go down anyway), I'm choosing to be reasonable and calm down!  I am drinking a lot of water now, eating many more fresh fruits and veggies, avoiding snacking-- making many more healthy choices-- and focusing on this highest volume, lowest calorie foods whenever possible.

Yesterday: I had a slice of pizza for dinner-- and you know what: I WAS STUFFED when I was finished!  Yes, I let myself have the slice... and it was enough.

I think I am going into a mode of trusting my band again: listening VERY closely to hunger, or NOT hunger, and doing my best.  Oh, and while I am being honest, I had an oreo after dinner.  ONE oreo.

This is NOT weight loss conflict, as I've discussed in the past. It is reason talking.  I am coming around the corner and believe that I will get my weight back down-- it just isn't going to happen overnight.

Am I OK with my weight being in the 170's? No (but yes, for now.)

I love that I have an escape valve.
If I can't get it down about 5 pounds in the next 2 to 3 weeks-- I'll be back in the surgeon's office. Let me say right now-- by August 1st, if I haven't returned to the 160's, I will get myself in straightaway.

But I think I can do it on my own.

I still have somewhere in the neighborhood of 6.3cc's of fluid in a 10cc band.  I am NOT doing this alone and without help.
Instead: I have my band, it is just MUCH looser than I've had it in a long, long time-- and I like it better this way. My range of foods is much more full.
Fruits- yes, Veggies of all kinds (raw and cooked)- yes!
On the down side: bread, pasta-- totally doable.

So-- the answer is in gently steering myself BACK on course (and I am already getting there.)
Watch me succeed. There is nothing to fear but giving up.

Here I am with my Sunday girl (such a cutie pie!)

"Why your cardio (MAY BE) making you fat"-- UGH/ Sorry

I hate to say it but:

http://health.yahoo.net/experts/yahoo-spotlight/why-your-cardio-routine-making-you-fat

The only way to lose weight is to cut calories way down, that's what I've found.
This does not mean 'don't exercise'-- but this article gives backing to my experience: heavy cardio exercise makes you hungry and doesn't result in weight loss alone.

One must cut thy calories... bleh.

PS: Phen today at 12:45pm.

Day 3...

On to day 3 with the diet pills.
I will definitely not take the pill until at least midday, b/c it actually does wear off by about 9 or 10pm-- and then I find myself wanting to eat... last night I had a few slices of kosher salami and a mozzarella cheese stick before bed.
Salty.

Woke up this am to 167.4 on the scale. Why can't I be 120 by now? (Just kidding.)
But seriously: I would really like to see my weight drop on the scale-- and get my clothes looser too... I guess I'll need to work and keep on going in this way.  Reminder to self: weight loss doesn't happen overnight and you have to stick with it.

I think part of my impatience for progress is a fear that I WON'T lose weight and I will have been taking this stupid medication for no reason with no good outcome.
(Can you tell I am not a big fan of putting anything in my body without a really, really good reason???)

When I was actively losing weight after surgery, albeit slowly, I knew I was losing, and I could settle in and be relatively calm about the whole thing-- I could look at my journal if I was worried and see my weight going down over time. I recall doing this to reassure myself.

I don't feel entirely settled with the phentermine: first of all, it is a stimulant and apt to make a person jittery, I suppose.  Fortunately: I don't feel terribly jittery, but I sense it in the background and it is not a totally 'normal' baseline feeling.  I would never continue this medication long term, but I can tolerate it for good reasons for the short term.

Second and more significantly: I have a very short course of the medication on hand (just a 2 week supply of 17.5 mgs per day.)  Since I know it's going to run out in less than 2 weeks, I feel a sense of pressure to really make this damn stuff work.  Further: if I can make it work, I will call in to the office to see if I can get a few more weeks of the medication.  That is a different pressure: I don't like asking for medications AND/ BUT I want to succeed and ask for more.  I know: this is really making NO sense...

Bottom line: I am conflicted- who would snack at 10pm at night if she were serious about losing weight quickly????
(Note: I returned to this post and re-read it and bolded the above for emphasis...as you'll see if you keep reading, I realized I was conflicted, but now I feel more determined.)

I don't even know-- it is very confusing.  I am quite certain that I'd like to get back to where I was at my lowest with the band (155 was my all time low... that was with a super tight band, and it was the day I went in to get it loosened, but whatever.)  I have clothes that fit from that time, but they are snug, and I hate wearing snug clothes.  Ten pounds would totally make the difference-- those clothes would be comfortable, if not loose.

I realize part of the conflict lingering in the back of my mind is this:
When I picture myself reading my own blog and looking at myself from the outside, I say: "What the hell is a 42 year old woman so concerned with her weight that she would resort to diet pills?" (Prejudiced against these pills, much???)

Then I might say: "Self: while you are overtly concerned with your weight for cosmetic reasons, losing weight would be of great value to you and your health.
Every health study says that dropping even just a few pounds is better for your heart.... there are many reasons to lose weight and try to get closer to a 'normal' BMI."

Perhaps that is what I need to do more of... get really convinced that losing weight right now is not only for the appearance benefits. Because I can totally talk myself out of losing weight if it is cosmetic. You know why? I do not hate myself for these extra pounds-- I do not need to impress anyone-- I do not need to improve my appearance, per say-- I have clothes that fit.
These are all reasons I can literally conflict myself right out of giving a shit.

On the other hand: There are REAL reasons to lose weight. I feel kind of dumb having to repeat these, but I guess that's where I'm ending up: I need to remind myself of WHY I want to (and need to, but to a lesser extent) lose weight.  I also can tell that my mind is mixed up about 'good' and 'bad' reasons to lose weight... but I need to acknowledge these categories and go with it anyway. At the end of the day: as you'll see, "category 2" reasons are just as good.   They are not immature, 'emo' or eating disordered in any way.  They just are good reasons, that is all.

My reasons:

Category 1:  Health and Wellness, The "Good" reasons
-All studies show that being at a lower weight is healthier, life-prolonging, safer.
-Reducing my weight will literally reduce the cardiac load, and heart disease runs in my family- no need to take chances if I can limit the risk to my health.

* Note * The above 2 reasons are ALL I could come up with on my own!!!! Below are reasons I just researched on the internetS (  :-)  )
Here is the page:

Reasons to lose weight, internetS style

*Being overweight could reduce my life expectancy- I'd like to live a long life instead.  (Being obese can reduce one's life expectancy by 20 years! I am overweight, so I'd have to extrapolate a certain decrease in life expectancy from that extra weight.)
*Extra weight= extra estrogen exposure= increased breast cancer risk. My sister had BC at age 36, why add risk???
*Losing weight is joint protective.  The more weight on my body= more pounding on my knees, hips, feet. My knees only have a certain life expectancy, why ruin them with too much body weight?
*There is a link between being overweight and many disease processes, such as kidney disease, gallbladder issues. No need for this risk if it can be reduced.
*Some studies have shown a decrease in allergies with weight loss-- extra weight strains the adrenal glands which manage allergies.  I get quite allergic at times in the Spring. Bleh.
*Decreased depression/ increased well-being.
*Reduced risk of Type 2 diabetes (The adult onset, overweight kind of disease.)
*Better skin appearance, tone, and less risk of developing skin tags.

Category 2:  Stubbornness, Self-loathing and criticism reasons, The "Stupid" reasons (at least that's how my screwy brain classifies these, if I'm honest:
I want to reach my former lowest weight with the band, just because I don't like the feeling of losing ground.
I want to get to a lower weight b/c I'll feel more success as a WLS patient. (I know, sheesh!!)
I want to put in more of a 'cushion' between myself and being very overweight, I worry about my weight more than I'd like to at this point in time.
I have clothes that would fit 100x better if I lost 10 pounds-- even 5 pounds would, of course, make a difference.
I feel better about myself when my weight is lower-- I feel more in control and I worry less about my weight in general.
I am proud of myself when my weight is lower, I am proud of myself when I am able to lose weight.
I do not want to be a WLS statistic (weight gain/ regain at 5 years, band removal, etc etc.)
I want to be a 'thin' person.
Losing weight will make me look younger: I realize I am fairly young looking for my age as it is, but weight loss (as long as it is not drastic) will reduce my age appearance.
I want to weigh less than my husband (he generally weighs around 165lbs.)
I want to be a role model.
I'd like to know that phentermine works for me, in the short term usage sense-- this will give me a sense of relief knowing that there is a solution if regular efforts fail me at times.

~~Having finished this listing, I want to repeat: I am not saying that I AM what I WEIGH.  I know I am much more than a number on a scale... but I have to acknowledge my genuine feelings about these things. They are there and they play a part in my life-- if they are a motivator to lose weight, which is healthier anyway, see category 1, that is more than ok: see category 1 !! ~~

OK-- that has been quite a ramble- but productive for me.  I think I needed to pull together my reasons all over again, and make it really clear as to WHY I am doing this, and that the desire to lose weight is not some stupid adolescent pursuit of skinny jeans and a new boyfriend. (I neither need nor want either! )

End of day post....

My 2nd day of phentermine went well. It's 8:38pm as I write this, and I've eaten very lightly today. In addition to what I wrote about earlier, I had a farro, beet, feta, frisee salad... and about 4 bits of crab cake, restaurant take out with the family.

On my 3rd day of eschewing alcohol for now-- just trying to save calories, and no accompanying need to have any alcohol to calm my band.  I cannot tell whether this adjustment will work for the long term (my suspicion is I'll need SOME fluid put back)-- but I am really much happier at this level of adjustment.

I know I am repeating myself!!

What else:
Have I mentioned I am taking phentermine and it is tamping down my appetite? Ha ha.  It's true.  I would not want to be on a medication like this in the long term- but I can definitely tolerate it in the short term if it yields some serious weight loss.  I've got to hang in there-- expecting to lose 5 pounds in 2 day is a bit silly now, isn't it?

I'm really proud of my fresh food/ greens consumption today: basically, my two meals today were:
Spinach salad (described earlier)
Farro and frisee salad (as above)

Good for me.
More tomorrow-- I hope I'll be shrinking.

Truckin'

I've got to be honest, I got on the scale today and got really annoyed-- 168.8... perhaps that is from a lot of rehydrating?  It cannot be from overeating b/c I ate very little yesterday- and not too much from the day before either!

Anyway: onward and downward I hope.
I looked back at my blog and discouraging news is that the last time I 'tried' the phentermine, I was at the 162/163 range.  Grrrr. That was 2011... and I was hoping to get back into the 150's.

But, today is a new day-- and I never really used the phentermine.

I am on day 2 at this point-- dry mouth today, but I slept pretty well last night.  I did find myself kind of snacky in the evening, so I waited until noon today to take the pill.

What I've eaten/ drunk today thus far (it is 2:45 pm as I write this):
 Coffee w/ 2% milk and splash of hazelnut creamer
48 oz water
Salad-- mid morning (before phen.) 2 cups of baby spinach, ~2 oz chopped deli ham, 4 frosted mini wheats, 2 tsp olive oil, balsamic vinegar

Noon- phentermine 1/2 of 37.5 mg tab
1 bottle of water (16 oz)
A few sips of iced coffee
just now: 2 almonds/ 2 walnuts

Note: I ate the nuts to make sure that there is a bit of food in my stomach-- b/c otherwise, sure enough, nothing seems appealing in terms of wanting to eat.  Thank you phen.
I am pretty sure my weight above is a total fluke-- waiting to see the drop and the clothes loosen etc.
Stick with me and hopefully: watch me shrink.

PS: I am really continuing to enjoy the looser band.  I will not be so anxious to go back in and get a fill back to my previous level. Instead: I am going to see how this goes after the phentermine... I hope I can keep looser as eating salad and drinking water etc is just so much easier at around the 6.3cc mark (in a 10 cc band) for me.

PPS: I must stay focused that Rome wasn't built in a day, I don't lose weight overnight, and I will have to sustain this phentermine choice for a couple of weeks to make it work.
Obviously: I am not a huge fan of using the stuff, but it does make limiting intake (for the short term) MUCH easier. 

PPPS: In order to assuage any guilt I have (which is dumb guilt anyway!) about using a diet pill: I am really trying to treat my body well. I haven't had any alcohol (really don't want to waste the calories now), am avoiding sweets, and am focusing on fiber filled fresh foods-- like my yummy salad, which I ate around 10:30 AM this morning as a 'brunch' prior to taking the phen.

Final update for today...

It is 8:17pm and I am still doing well.
The phentermine really stamps out hunger quite effectively.  Food is really not very appealing, it is strange, but temporary and I am well aware of the distinction (I love food typically.)
The band doesn't do THIS to me-- it helps me limit quantity and helps with satiety, but the quantity is far more of the impact, at least as I've experienced it thus far.

Here is an oddity: we stopped in a food store today to bring along some appetizers to a party-- and I walked around the gourmet food aisles with NOTHING appealing to me. I could not have cared less. WEIRDNESS.  It made food shopping quite strange.

So, I am capitalizing to the best of my ability on the limited appetite.  AND, I'm saving calories on limiting alcohol-- I often have a glass of wine or a cocktail to 'calm' my band down (and I enjoy it.)

But now my band is totally and completely calm. Loving it.  The 1.0 cc taken out has made a huge difference, and/ but I am also being SOOOOOO careful not to irritate myself again.

Who knows if this will continue (i.e. the appetite suppression in this way) through the two weeks of the medication.. but if it does, I am hopeful for some really kickstarted weight loss.

Sorry for the repetition in posts, but wanted to record what's happening.

Midday update on my meds

So, I had my first dose (1/2 the 37.5 mg of phentermine) and I believe it is working-- but no bad side effects at this time.  It is 1pm now, and I had the pill at 10:15am, a bit earlier than I'd planned, but because I was really feeling hungry and cravy.

How do I know it is working?
Because... about 10 minutes ago, I made myself a lovely salad with raw spinach, some diced deli ham, fresh diced onions, watermelon, sprinkle of cheddar cheese and a bit of blue cheese dressing... and I had two bites: not hungry.

I'm going to take maximal advantage of this med while I have it and am on it.
That means: if I'm not hungry, take a few good bites of protein/ veg/ fruit, and move on.

I do not wish to be on this medication for any type of longer term-- but in the short run, if I can reduce my appetite and consumption way down (I hope, I hope)-- perhaps I can take off 5 or 6 pounds before I even return to the doc's office (in ~3 weeks.  Yep, I'm being ambitious considering 1.5 to 2 lbs off per week, but a girl can dream!)

Anyhow: since I have such a short course of it in my hands (2 weeks at the 1/2 37.5 dose daily)-- I REALLY need to take maximal advantage of this med while it is on board.
I definitely feel a bit more energetic than usual, but no heart fluttering, no nervousness, no negative side effects like irritability.  My mouth might be the slightest bit dry- but I would really have to be searching for that to say it...
More to follow.

A "foods I eat now" list from "Banded Up"-- Just a note to self...

I stumbled across a nice list of "foods I eat now" at banded up
I liked it and copied it, some good ideas...

Foods I eat Now

Breakfast 
egg whites
weight watchers english muffins
turkey bacon
protein shakes made with 1 scoop of protein powder and frozen fruit
decaf coffee with flavored fat free creamer

Lunch
salads with egg, cheese, chicken or tuna
lean cuisine very rarely
soup
tuna salad
protein bar
crackers and cheese
leftovers from the night before


Dinner
egg noodles with turkey meatballs
spaghetti with turkey meat sauce
black beans with salsa and a little shredded cheese
bbq chicken breast
chicken with turkey chili and cream cheese in the crockpot
turkey chili
turkey kielbasa



Snacks
100 calorie pack cheeses or string cheese
a handful of peanuts
popcorn kernel, dried cranberry, mix (it comes in a bag)
sugar freee fudge pop
 hershey kisses
peanuts mixed with butterscotch chips
sugar free pudding
carrots and dip
cucumbers and dip
decaf coffee and creamer
lots of crystal light

A new 'Day 1"-- it is always good to return to your Lap Band surgeon!

I think I say this EVERY single time I am this juncture in my lap band career: I should have gone weeks ago to the doc's office to get myself straightened out.  Furthermore: I really prefer my own surgeon, whom I've seen SO infrequently (Dr. Ren) over the others.  She is actually more willing to intervene, I think, and much less judgy than I at least one of the other surgeons... she is just kinder.

Anyway:
So my visit yesterday was good in many ways.
Sorry if I am repeating but:
1. Dr. Ren listened to me and also explained that she really felt I was irritating myself by taking pills whole instead of crushing them.
2. She acknowledged that my weight was 'stable'-- which it has been for about a year and a half-- and didn't URGE me to lose more (which would have just upset and frustrated me, frankly.)
3. She responded to the heartburn issues I described and got moving on that... I didn't make any big deal at all- but her putting my on an anti-ulcer med says to me that she really wanted to nip any big problems in the bud, despite the minimal amount of heartburn I described.
4. She validated the whole experience for me.... she said it was a vicious cycle of getting irritated, eating irritating things, being more irritated and then reaching for sliders... Bleh.  But she didn't guilt me about it.
5. She did not flip out, get hysterical or even tell me that I MUST have an esophogram IMMEDIATELY.  (That made me feel much better and reduced my worries that I could have a slipped band-- even though I really wasn't too concerned about that at this point-- except for all of the bad news I've read in our blog community.)

It was also good/ bad in a certain way:
I had a full CC taken out-- 1.0 cc's to be exact.
To me, that is ALOT.
Remember: I typically have adjustments that are very small, .2, .25, .1 etc... so 1.0 cc's seems to be a clear and temporary measure to stop the madness with my band from the doc's perspective- and she wanted me to come back in about 3 weeks...agreeing to give me the phentermine as an interim so that my hunger doesn't overcome me (that was/ is my fear.)

So: I am left, on some level, feeling very nervous about being out in the world with a looser band-- and I want to do everything in my power to avoid weight gain, and use the looseness to help me LOSE weight.

I am also on a mission to calm everything down in my esophageal area... that means: I'll be staying clear of breads, crackers, pastas, rices-- except in the tiniest little bits, if at all.  Who needs those particular carbs anyway??? (Here's the answer: I do not.)

Here is my NEW improved plan for the next two weeks:
1) Take the 1/2 pill of phentermine daily.  (Today, I am going to take it around noon.)  I understand that it will give me a 'revved' up feeling... but will hopefully kill my appetite too.
*I have only 14 days worth of 1/2 pills, with Dr. Ren's agreement to prescribe another week's worth IF I need it to get me through to my next appointment and adjustment of the band.

Can you tell I am really afraid of not having enough help from the band? Kind of silly, but I do not want to gain weight: I am at the highest of my weight range that I want to tolerate and want to LOSE weight now, not gain.

2) Rehydrate my butt off!! Now that I am able to drink water like the water star I KNOW I can be-- I will be working on habitually having at least 24 oz of water before even my first cup of coffee in the morning. That's a new rule -- see below for the wrap up.

3)  Get back into the saddle of drinking before eating and WAITING 25 minutes (at least) before drinking AFTER eating.  Don't want to slosh any food out of my pouch that I don't need to get out of there faster.  Besides, drinking WHILE eating and right after can cause me regurgitation (PB's) that I DON'T need or want as I try to heal up my irritated esophagus.

4) Do all those great things I know that work in that land of weight control- focus on HIGH VOLUME, lower calorie foods-- reduce processed foods to a minimum.  Whole foods are the focus.

5) Eat only when hungry. Aim for eating when I am at a scale of 5-6 for hunger.  Stop before full (consider not more than about 1/2 cup of food at a time.)

6) Limit alcoholic beverages for the time being, less calories and less acid/ irritation in the gullet.


New Rules:
1. Take the 1/2 pill of phentermine for 14 days-- midday to start, unless it interferes with sleep, then push back to earlier.
2. Drink 24 oz of water before morning coffee.
3. Drink at least 8 oz of water before eating anything, do not drink while eating, wait 25 minutes AFTER eating to let fullness take hold.
4. Eat great things; reduce processed food.
5. Eat when hungry, not obligatorily.
6.  Limit empty alcohol calories.

That is all for now. More to follow.

Post a day in July-- Day 3 (my first day)

I've got interesting news.
I haven't been talking lately about my mercurial band-- but I've become more and more clear that I am WAY too tight.  So: I pulled the trigger, called the doc's office and went in to get 1 cc out.

I also, thanks to Amy W, decided to ask for a brief course of appetite suppressant-- hopefully to help me as I wait to see whether I will get any fill back into the band.

My weight has been in the 165-168 range for a long time, Dr. Ren confirmed that to me: 'you're quite stable.'

She also really encouraged me to crush my pills-- as that probably is the reason I got all fouled up this time around.  She also gave me a month's supply of carafate b/c I complained of heartburn and she said that she wanted to calm down the inflammation that I seemed to have.

I have a planned return in 3 weeks, and I'll have an esophogram at that time as well-- and perhaps another fill, if I am feeling super hungry. We will see.

For the time being, I am having mushies and liquids and taking it super easy on my band... I really don't want any more problems and it has been a mess for me for the last few weeks... Argh.

Also: I'd like to use that appetite suppressant-- she gave me 37.5 mg tablets (7 tabs) and told me to cut them in half so it would be a 14 day supply... and try to take off a few pounds.
We shall see-- I had an appetite suppressant once before and was too chicken to take it (didn't want to get jittery.) Bleh.

More tomorrow, y'all.

A post a day in July-- great idea!

I just read over on Athena/ Banded Warrier where there is some sort of game going that bloggers would write a post a day in July.

Here are the first two topic ideas:
Your life, in 250 words or less
Educate us about something you know really well (funny/ dramatic/ sensational)

I'm starting tomorrow-- today is my warm up b/c I don't feel like writing these two topics right now!!