I had a bit of a crazy weekend, and I have to admit, I am not getting on the scale today. Um, could it be the dreaded 'new low syndrome?' (I would have to call it 'new OLD low syndrome' since my latest 'low' is not my lowest...ugh.)
But back to w*rk today, the structure of the week and the busy-ness and hectic-ness that usually helps me to keep my eating very much in check with barely an extra thought.
Today is a really big day and I have not even had a chance to say anything about it-- so damn much has been going on.
My hubs is going back to the NYC corporate world today- after 4 years in his own business and a good run of it- we realized a number of things: 1) he needs MORE work 2) we need more money than his business is earning 3) he needs to feel a part of the corporate world again.
You may know that he has Mr. Mom to our adorable little one for most of our little guy's upbringing. That is not to say that I have not been around. For much of my career, I have found a way to work at least 1 day a week from home (when Jordan was a baby, I worked from home 2 to 3 days per week and then backed off of working from home while I worked from 2007 to 2010 and now work from home 1 day per week...).... but anyway:
My hubs has always been the one to flex HIS career around child-rearing. Kind of refreshing and unusual, yes?
Well, now is his time to go back to the corporate world and he is returning and will be a Direct*r in his field-- I am very proud.
But this comes with stresses.... whereas hubs used to take care of it all in the Mr. Mom role, we've now had to hire child care and a weekly cleaner to come in to take his place to deal with our household. (I sound really spoiled, I don't mean to sound spoiled- life is just complicated.) Hubs' job is in NYC, which is a huge commute from our home.
That's another thing: we're selling our house and moving to NYC.
OMG.
That's a lot of shit in one sentence but it is all out there-- we don't do anything 'lite'-- we go full speed ahead... but the bottom line is that we each work in NY but work in NJ now! Ack.
So: there is the short story that will be longer and more drawn out as time goes on. I have been trying to figure out a way to refer to these changes in my blog and make sense of them-- but it has been too hard, but there it is!
There is MUCH more to follow and I will be updating, but please wish us luck on the sale of our home-- we've priced it at a loss and think we are priced to sell, but in this market-- hmmmm. We're fortunate to NOT be under water even selling it at a loss-- but it still is kind of sickening. Isn't real estate supposed to be a good investment?
I'm off now, much more on my crazy life to follow.
good ole ticker...
Monday, April 30, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Downward!
Onward and downward!
163.4 on the scale this morning-- I cannot tell you what I relief to see those old numbers again, like old friends that I didn't really 'miss' until I didn't have them anymore. Ha ha.
Anyway:
The band is doing its 'magic' again-- good old band.
Without DIETING or major effort on my part (yes, I hate to say it to all the haters out there.... but it is true)... my weight has come back down.
Now, before everyone gets all in a twist: I am not saying that weight management and weight loss don't take MAJOR effort. But what I am saying is that my weight jumped up unnaturally high (for me at this point in time) and I went and got an adjustment and it helped me.
I went from struggling to stop snacking-- to more gently turning myself away from bad choices most of the time. It is a really hard thing to explain other than to say: I'm not obsessing about going back on any diets now. It's just easier to eat less. I think about eating less, I seek food less, and then I eat less when I sit down to eat!
So: the band works in a couple of ways for me when it is adjusted more readily:
1) I think more about portion sizes-- I know that I can't tolerate a large portion size.
2) I chew a lot more-- I don't want to have problems with side effects.
3) I am careful with textures, and sometimes avoid eating if I just don't feel very hungry--> this one might alarm the uninducted.
Trust me: I don't cry while I avoid eating, it is just that sometimes it's not worth trying to eat something that will take a ton of chewing when I could just have a coffee or even nothing.
Example:
Last evening, we got home later than usual and we needed dinner. It was a long day and so we just foraged in the fridge for leftovers.
We had some stuff from the week including:
Matzoh ball soup (from when I was sick and my son loves it)
Chopped salad with chicken
1/2 a large cheese steak sandwich
WTF? I know. I live with a little boy and a big boy. What can I possibly say?
Ok, anyway: I decided to go with the soup and some salad because:
a. I wasn't that hungry
b. I didn't feel like chewing the sandwich up
c. I didn't feel like a heavy meal.
As it turns out, I ate a bowl of soup and abandoned the salad-- too much trouble and not hungry enough to eat it. See what I mean?
Bottom line on this one:
I didn't TRY not to eat any more, and maybe I should have gone with the salad and then the soup (?)-- but I've been sick this week and didn't feel like that.
Ahah! I ate (kind of) like what I hear thin people do.... they eat what they feel like eating, then they stop and they don't worry about it, because they could always have whatever it was that they passed up another day. Thin people don't worry that 'tomorrow' they might be on a diet and so they can't indulge in what they want today.
So, back to the works of the band, I'll say.... back to the band.
And one FINAL caveat: I have been sick all week, with a lot of congestion-- that adds extra 'power' to appetite suppression for me. I can barely taste things anyway and I know this, so it really adds extra 'oomph' to me saying "I really just don't feel like eating INSERT FOOD HERE right now-- too much trouble, too tired, too sick, not really hungry anyway."
Thus endeth proclamation of goodness of the band for today.
163.4 on the scale this morning-- I cannot tell you what I relief to see those old numbers again, like old friends that I didn't really 'miss' until I didn't have them anymore. Ha ha.
Anyway:
The band is doing its 'magic' again-- good old band.
Without DIETING or major effort on my part (yes, I hate to say it to all the haters out there.... but it is true)... my weight has come back down.
Now, before everyone gets all in a twist: I am not saying that weight management and weight loss don't take MAJOR effort. But what I am saying is that my weight jumped up unnaturally high (for me at this point in time) and I went and got an adjustment and it helped me.
I went from struggling to stop snacking-- to more gently turning myself away from bad choices most of the time. It is a really hard thing to explain other than to say: I'm not obsessing about going back on any diets now. It's just easier to eat less. I think about eating less, I seek food less, and then I eat less when I sit down to eat!
So: the band works in a couple of ways for me when it is adjusted more readily:
1) I think more about portion sizes-- I know that I can't tolerate a large portion size.
2) I chew a lot more-- I don't want to have problems with side effects.
3) I am careful with textures, and sometimes avoid eating if I just don't feel very hungry--> this one might alarm the uninducted.
Trust me: I don't cry while I avoid eating, it is just that sometimes it's not worth trying to eat something that will take a ton of chewing when I could just have a coffee or even nothing.
Example:
Last evening, we got home later than usual and we needed dinner. It was a long day and so we just foraged in the fridge for leftovers.
We had some stuff from the week including:
Matzoh ball soup (from when I was sick and my son loves it)
Chopped salad with chicken
1/2 a large cheese steak sandwich
WTF? I know. I live with a little boy and a big boy. What can I possibly say?
Ok, anyway: I decided to go with the soup and some salad because:
a. I wasn't that hungry
b. I didn't feel like chewing the sandwich up
c. I didn't feel like a heavy meal.
As it turns out, I ate a bowl of soup and abandoned the salad-- too much trouble and not hungry enough to eat it. See what I mean?
Bottom line on this one:
I didn't TRY not to eat any more, and maybe I should have gone with the salad and then the soup (?)-- but I've been sick this week and didn't feel like that.
Ahah! I ate (kind of) like what I hear thin people do.... they eat what they feel like eating, then they stop and they don't worry about it, because they could always have whatever it was that they passed up another day. Thin people don't worry that 'tomorrow' they might be on a diet and so they can't indulge in what they want today.
So, back to the works of the band, I'll say.... back to the band.
And one FINAL caveat: I have been sick all week, with a lot of congestion-- that adds extra 'power' to appetite suppression for me. I can barely taste things anyway and I know this, so it really adds extra 'oomph' to me saying "I really just don't feel like eating INSERT FOOD HERE right now-- too much trouble, too tired, too sick, not really hungry anyway."
Thus endeth proclamation of goodness of the band for today.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Sick.
I am sick, sore throat, feeling oogy-- bleh. Also guilty as charged: have not been taking my vitamins, and so I feel like I sort of brought this on.
Ugh again.
The good news-- my weight is responding to the fill and my efforts-- yesterday, I was 'back down' to 165.4, which was a relief from the higher 160's. Now I need to keep it focused and keep on moving back down.
I've got lots more to say and tell you all but I am going to force myself (insomnia has been a problem for the past few nights) to go get myself a soothing cup of tea before doing any more blogging. If I am still wakeful, I'll return, otherwise: look for a post soon-- hopefully today with updates!
Ugh again.
The good news-- my weight is responding to the fill and my efforts-- yesterday, I was 'back down' to 165.4, which was a relief from the higher 160's. Now I need to keep it focused and keep on moving back down.
I've got lots more to say and tell you all but I am going to force myself (insomnia has been a problem for the past few nights) to go get myself a soothing cup of tea before doing any more blogging. If I am still wakeful, I'll return, otherwise: look for a post soon-- hopefully today with updates!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Back to the love of blogging-- is it proportionate to weight loss???
2) CDespite a rather 'hearty' eating day for me yesterday, in which I just ate my proteins and veg-- and eschewed as many simple carbs as I could-- I got on the scale and it was 167.1 this am.
Note: I'm blogging much more regularly (suddenly I've found the 'time'... ha ha)... and now I am FINALLY getting the scale to budge.
That's a relief. There is an expression: "nothing succeeds like success" that should be accompanied by "nothing fails like failure" (in fact, perhaps people say the failure part too?!)
The bottom line is that a little taste of success of following some rules is really helping me-- and I guess that my realization that dieting isn't the way to go is part of that journey. There I was, post band, thinking "I had this!"-- and all along, it was somewhat of an illusion.
It is still important to solidify life-long good eating habits that are sustainable and not about crash dieting.
In my recollection of all of the above, I have come to realize that since I am now banded-- that's my method to approach my healthy eating. So if I'm struggling and continuing to struggle-- I need to go back to my band rules... and that is essentially what I'm doing now.
I am tempted to go back and page through what I've already written about the band rules-- but let me recite them again from the depths of my soul (so to speak) so that I can relive them and think them through for this day. I'm going to put my commentary for myself on each one-- feel free to join in and send your favorite rule or rules.
1) Eat only when you are hungry. Hunger is not an emergency-- ask yourself: am I hungry? how hungry? Am I thirsty?
It is OK to skip a meal if you are genuinely not interested in eating it.
It is even OK to 'waste' food (I have learned that I HATE to do this- but better in the garbage than in my gullet.)
2) Consider portion sizes carefully-- remember, the size of the pouch above the band is meant to hold about a 1/2 a cup of food.
This one is SOOOOOO important for me.
If I start with a very reasonable and small portion-- I can go back for seconds if I want it-- but I think the point is to make that portion more enjoyable and lasting by chewing and tasting my food very thoroughly.
3) Favor lean, SOLID proteins-- ones that take chewing. Then eat vegetables (ok to have some healthy fat with those), next eat fruits, and finally: complex carbs. Last in line: simple, crunchy or sweet carbs, which should be taken at a minimum.
Proteins really DO work to satisfy hunger-- and they do help to keep your blood sugar from going insane. I have read, heard and experienced this over and over again. I have said that I saw a nutritionist in the '90's who told me to always eat a bite of protein first to 'bind' any carbs before eating them...
Think about this: simple sugars cause your insulin level to rise dramatically-- your body says "hey there's some energy here, let's scoop it up but quick- who knows when the next sugary treat is coming??"... and so the insulin is produced quickly, the sugar is sucked into your bloodstream and then you are quickly ready to eat more.
Conversely, when you eat protein and fiber filled foods-- the insulin production is slower and to come down from it is slower-- hunger comes back later. Furthermore, your stomach and intestines are working hard on that fiber and protein to break it down-- whereas the simpler and more processed a food is, the easier it is to digest and get hungry again.
4) Hydration is critical and healthy.
Water, water everywhere-- it simply cannot hurt you and can only help your body. Drink up!
5) Related to #4: drink BETWEEN meals, not during and not right after.
This rule makes so much sense to me. First, drinking water and other good beverages that are calorie free (have you considered making your own sparkling water-- there are great flavored crystal lights out there now including "margherita" and "pomtini" that can be combined with seltzer for a yummy virtually no cal mocktail...will keep you occupied and a little bit full.
Second, the best antidote to water retention that I know of is to drink more water.
Third, and importantly: if you drink DURING meals with the band, you basically wash the food out of your upper stomach area and aid digestion-- evoking hunger more quickly. UGH!
Same notion with drinking right after meals.
My rule of thumb to remember: drink up to the meal-- stop drinking DURING the meal- and avoid drinking for about 30 minutes afterwards.
6) Chew your food. If your band isn't restricted to the extent that 'gobbling' down food causes bad side effects-- pretend that it might do at any time! Maybe you won't gobble...
While food should be treated as fuel- food is also one of the pleasures of life and it is both possible and reasonable to eat healthy food that fuels your body and your system while also seeking the highest quality, tastiest, and best food that can satisfy you at the least amounts. Chewing and experiencing food instead of gobbling food down will help in this endeavor.
Remember to really look at, enjoy the aroma of and note the texture of your food as you eat it (also called 'mouth feel'). Think about the food you're eating and be a food critic in your own mind. What are the flavors? What spices or textures do you recognize, how would you prepare this food (if you didn't make it yourself?)
You can even go so far as: where was this food grown/ produced? Who was involved?
etc.
*Think about the movie "Sideways"-- if you know it. There is a great scene in which one of the characters talks about her love of wine because it makes her think about the people who produced it, the year it was bottled etc etc. This is a great technique and can also be employed for food if you are a thinking type person.
This one is SOOOOOOO hard, but so important for me.
First of all: I LOVE to gobble food-- and this is why the band has worked well for me when I am tight. When I gobble food down with a tight band-- hello, it comes right back up (sorry, gross.)
I eventually learn that this is a BAD thing to do-- and I often stop, but not before my band has tightened and I've gotten swollen and then a whole bad cycle ensues.
When I gobble down food with a looser band, it goes down most of the time-- but it can be uncomfortable-- and I know it is just plain wrong. Why the hell did I get this band anyway??? Right?
Second: If I employ the analytical technique above, I think I might be more hesitant to eat anything that doesn't taste very good to me and anything that is super processed. Ugh.
How romantic, whimsical and appealing is it to imagine that factory in Peoria where those 'Ho ho's' were produced?
Much more fun to go to the farmer's market and pick up microgreens (or the supermarket and pick up some spinach leaves) and imagine what it took to grow them etc.
7) Exercise. Walking will do just fine. Some exercise (even 20 minutes) is better than none. Just do something.
I am now over 40 and whereas I once could really beat the crap out of my body, I need to be more careful about exercise, but that doesn't mean I cannot do it.
Instead: I've compromised, and will continue to do so for now with my walking.
We've been visiting NYC a lot lately, and we are sure to do a lot of walking whenever we go into the city... and during my work day, I try to get up and down a lot and even take a mid-afternoon walk to get into the air and move about.
8) Blog. And be as real as you can-- shame only begets more denial. Yep.
Well, you're here reading my post so I know you're at least on blogger today. I know I'm on blogger today b/c I am posting-- and because I am posting, even the failures and missteps, I am NOT in denial. I know that I am not the expert and I don't have the most successful track record-- but it is 2 and a half years, and I am STILL HERE.
The bottom line is staying out of denial-- and blogging is one way to do it.
Further: missteps and difficulties are the name of the game some of the time-- and that is OK.
Giving in: NOT OK.
9) Weigh yourself regularly.
I know this is a controversial one, and notice that I wrote "regularly."
Granted: if you literally have a ruined day when you get on the scale daily-- then make your 'regularly' to be once a week or once every 2 weeks at the max-- but weigh yourself.
The scale DOES NOT LIE.
We all know this is true.
Yes: the scale can swing up and down by about 4 or even 5 pounds... but there is a general vicinity of your weight that you know you should be at.
And if the scale is telling you something nutty, then get out your handy clothing... if you don't already, identify a few pieces of clothing (like jeans, a button up shirt etc) that will be your interim 'scale' and use those to note fit.
Clothing that doesn't stretch ALSO doesn't lie. SO if you're scared of that number on the scale, you can use your clothes to determine approximately where you're at...
10) Get new clothes/ alter your clothes as you lose weight-- NO keeping fat clothes.
I am telling you-- this is probably the single most important thing that is helping me to get real and back on track right now. I have my clothing altered within an inch of my life and things are feeling TIGHT right now.
I need to get dressed every day for work, and as I've gone off track a bit-- my choices have gotten more limited and it has become impossible to deny that I didn't need to get back on track.
If you have clothes you can slide into or that stretch- these allow you to lie to yourself for a while, but eventually these pull and get mysteriously 'shorter' or 'shrink' as well.
Denial is POWERFUL and is often a big part of weight issues, think about it and ensure that your clothing doesn't support denial unnecessarily.
/end
There is so much more but I've babbled on long enough.
Congratulations if you've gotten through this post! I love to be back and blogging again-- it is really good for me and I am so glad to see each of my friends and LOVE the comments!!
Note: I'm blogging much more regularly (suddenly I've found the 'time'... ha ha)... and now I am FINALLY getting the scale to budge.
That's a relief. There is an expression: "nothing succeeds like success" that should be accompanied by "nothing fails like failure" (in fact, perhaps people say the failure part too?!)
The bottom line is that a little taste of success of following some rules is really helping me-- and I guess that my realization that dieting isn't the way to go is part of that journey. There I was, post band, thinking "I had this!"-- and all along, it was somewhat of an illusion.
It is still important to solidify life-long good eating habits that are sustainable and not about crash dieting.
In my recollection of all of the above, I have come to realize that since I am now banded-- that's my method to approach my healthy eating. So if I'm struggling and continuing to struggle-- I need to go back to my band rules... and that is essentially what I'm doing now.
I am tempted to go back and page through what I've already written about the band rules-- but let me recite them again from the depths of my soul (so to speak) so that I can relive them and think them through for this day. I'm going to put my commentary for myself on each one-- feel free to join in and send your favorite rule or rules.
1) Eat only when you are hungry. Hunger is not an emergency-- ask yourself: am I hungry? how hungry? Am I thirsty?
It is OK to skip a meal if you are genuinely not interested in eating it.
It is even OK to 'waste' food (I have learned that I HATE to do this- but better in the garbage than in my gullet.)
2) Consider portion sizes carefully-- remember, the size of the pouch above the band is meant to hold about a 1/2 a cup of food.
This one is SOOOOOO important for me.
If I start with a very reasonable and small portion-- I can go back for seconds if I want it-- but I think the point is to make that portion more enjoyable and lasting by chewing and tasting my food very thoroughly.
3) Favor lean, SOLID proteins-- ones that take chewing. Then eat vegetables (ok to have some healthy fat with those), next eat fruits, and finally: complex carbs. Last in line: simple, crunchy or sweet carbs, which should be taken at a minimum.
Proteins really DO work to satisfy hunger-- and they do help to keep your blood sugar from going insane. I have read, heard and experienced this over and over again. I have said that I saw a nutritionist in the '90's who told me to always eat a bite of protein first to 'bind' any carbs before eating them...
Think about this: simple sugars cause your insulin level to rise dramatically-- your body says "hey there's some energy here, let's scoop it up but quick- who knows when the next sugary treat is coming??"... and so the insulin is produced quickly, the sugar is sucked into your bloodstream and then you are quickly ready to eat more.
Conversely, when you eat protein and fiber filled foods-- the insulin production is slower and to come down from it is slower-- hunger comes back later. Furthermore, your stomach and intestines are working hard on that fiber and protein to break it down-- whereas the simpler and more processed a food is, the easier it is to digest and get hungry again.
4) Hydration is critical and healthy.
Water, water everywhere-- it simply cannot hurt you and can only help your body. Drink up!
5) Related to #4: drink BETWEEN meals, not during and not right after.
This rule makes so much sense to me. First, drinking water and other good beverages that are calorie free (have you considered making your own sparkling water-- there are great flavored crystal lights out there now including "margherita" and "pomtini" that can be combined with seltzer for a yummy virtually no cal mocktail...will keep you occupied and a little bit full.
Second, the best antidote to water retention that I know of is to drink more water.
Third, and importantly: if you drink DURING meals with the band, you basically wash the food out of your upper stomach area and aid digestion-- evoking hunger more quickly. UGH!
Same notion with drinking right after meals.
My rule of thumb to remember: drink up to the meal-- stop drinking DURING the meal- and avoid drinking for about 30 minutes afterwards.
6) Chew your food. If your band isn't restricted to the extent that 'gobbling' down food causes bad side effects-- pretend that it might do at any time! Maybe you won't gobble...
While food should be treated as fuel- food is also one of the pleasures of life and it is both possible and reasonable to eat healthy food that fuels your body and your system while also seeking the highest quality, tastiest, and best food that can satisfy you at the least amounts. Chewing and experiencing food instead of gobbling food down will help in this endeavor.
Remember to really look at, enjoy the aroma of and note the texture of your food as you eat it (also called 'mouth feel'). Think about the food you're eating and be a food critic in your own mind. What are the flavors? What spices or textures do you recognize, how would you prepare this food (if you didn't make it yourself?)
You can even go so far as: where was this food grown/ produced? Who was involved?
etc.
*Think about the movie "Sideways"-- if you know it. There is a great scene in which one of the characters talks about her love of wine because it makes her think about the people who produced it, the year it was bottled etc etc. This is a great technique and can also be employed for food if you are a thinking type person.
This one is SOOOOOOO hard, but so important for me.
First of all: I LOVE to gobble food-- and this is why the band has worked well for me when I am tight. When I gobble food down with a tight band-- hello, it comes right back up (sorry, gross.)
I eventually learn that this is a BAD thing to do-- and I often stop, but not before my band has tightened and I've gotten swollen and then a whole bad cycle ensues.
When I gobble down food with a looser band, it goes down most of the time-- but it can be uncomfortable-- and I know it is just plain wrong. Why the hell did I get this band anyway??? Right?
Second: If I employ the analytical technique above, I think I might be more hesitant to eat anything that doesn't taste very good to me and anything that is super processed. Ugh.
How romantic, whimsical and appealing is it to imagine that factory in Peoria where those 'Ho ho's' were produced?
Much more fun to go to the farmer's market and pick up microgreens (or the supermarket and pick up some spinach leaves) and imagine what it took to grow them etc.
7) Exercise. Walking will do just fine. Some exercise (even 20 minutes) is better than none. Just do something.
I am now over 40 and whereas I once could really beat the crap out of my body, I need to be more careful about exercise, but that doesn't mean I cannot do it.
Instead: I've compromised, and will continue to do so for now with my walking.
We've been visiting NYC a lot lately, and we are sure to do a lot of walking whenever we go into the city... and during my work day, I try to get up and down a lot and even take a mid-afternoon walk to get into the air and move about.
8) Blog. And be as real as you can-- shame only begets more denial. Yep.
Well, you're here reading my post so I know you're at least on blogger today. I know I'm on blogger today b/c I am posting-- and because I am posting, even the failures and missteps, I am NOT in denial. I know that I am not the expert and I don't have the most successful track record-- but it is 2 and a half years, and I am STILL HERE.
The bottom line is staying out of denial-- and blogging is one way to do it.
Further: missteps and difficulties are the name of the game some of the time-- and that is OK.
Giving in: NOT OK.
9) Weigh yourself regularly.
I know this is a controversial one, and notice that I wrote "regularly."
Granted: if you literally have a ruined day when you get on the scale daily-- then make your 'regularly' to be once a week or once every 2 weeks at the max-- but weigh yourself.
The scale DOES NOT LIE.
We all know this is true.
Yes: the scale can swing up and down by about 4 or even 5 pounds... but there is a general vicinity of your weight that you know you should be at.
And if the scale is telling you something nutty, then get out your handy clothing... if you don't already, identify a few pieces of clothing (like jeans, a button up shirt etc) that will be your interim 'scale' and use those to note fit.
Clothing that doesn't stretch ALSO doesn't lie. SO if you're scared of that number on the scale, you can use your clothes to determine approximately where you're at...
10) Get new clothes/ alter your clothes as you lose weight-- NO keeping fat clothes.
I am telling you-- this is probably the single most important thing that is helping me to get real and back on track right now. I have my clothing altered within an inch of my life and things are feeling TIGHT right now.
I need to get dressed every day for work, and as I've gone off track a bit-- my choices have gotten more limited and it has become impossible to deny that I didn't need to get back on track.
If you have clothes you can slide into or that stretch- these allow you to lie to yourself for a while, but eventually these pull and get mysteriously 'shorter' or 'shrink' as well.
Denial is POWERFUL and is often a big part of weight issues, think about it and ensure that your clothing doesn't support denial unnecessarily.
/end
There is so much more but I've babbled on long enough.
Congratulations if you've gotten through this post! I love to be back and blogging again-- it is really good for me and I am so glad to see each of my friends and LOVE the comments!!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Gen - you're so damn right it hurts
Well, without a blog to write back on, I must write back to my girl Gen who tells it like it is.
NO MORE DIETS.
She is right, I am wrong-- and she is so right about the simple observation: I start dieting and I GAIN weight.
Gah.
She's also right that I've gotta get more exercise in, but mainly in that dieting doesn't work and it now officially BACKFIRES for me. Gah again.
Why am I such an f-up?????
Ok, I know that is probably overly harsh-- but I also know that a 'diet mentality' just equals obsessing about food and calories-- and all I really need to do is let my body do the talking. I'm not talking intuitive eating, I am talking about just eating when I am hungry, stopping when I've had a reasonable portion and quitting all the bs.
I really DO know what to do.
Quitting dieting is definitely a key here... I am going to look back in my blog for those days when I would plan out my eating -- that worked, not dieting, just a good and healthy plan.
More to follow... but thx Gen and thx to all for the encouraging remarks.
We are not alone-- and we're not done neither
Thanks to everyone who read and especially those lovely commenters on my blog yesterday. I am trying to commit myself back to commenting on anyone's blog who comments on mine.
I know the comments DO keep me coming back-- despite the fact that I hate that bit of 'vanity' and need for attention in blogging. But isn't it true that people just really want to be 'seen' and 'heard' and validated in whatever is happening.
Well, this blog may be for you-- even if you didn't read yesterday's blog from me or whatever:
It appears that quite a number of bandsters from my era (around 2 years or more ago) are in a struggle with weight regain. So, I guess the truth is that the band isn't that magic fix we all would have hoped for and that once we lost the weight it would just stay off.
Nope. Seems like complacency leads to weight gain and that it is critically important to stay focused on keeping the weight down and the habits set right.
I am NOT trying to claim EVERYONE has gained weight, that's not true-- some of our number (Lapbandgal comes to mind) are in maintenance and are doing great. But look at her: she is still at work and that is the difference between her success and my struggle (not competing, just comparing for knowledge gathering sake.)
Dr. K, one of the surgeons in my practice said to me (when I saw her in January, complaining that I wanted to lose weight-- and that was before my recent gain of 3 pounds, ugh)-- 'the lap band helps to a point and then there is a limit to what you can get out of it. Some people just 'get it' and lose the weight and stick to their new eating habits... for others, it is harder....and so you have to work harder.'
She went on to tell me that exercise is key and now that I am over 40 (closing in on 42, mind you) that my hormones are changing and the battle is even more uphill.
You said it, girlfriend.
So: as I sit here in a bit of a scared state, worrying if I can do this and get the weight off-- I will try to soothe my anxiety by saying that there is always another adjustment if I need one... but I am still taking this one out for a spin. I am technically still on mushies after my fill... and I know this fill is not feeling too TIGHT, which is good.
But, I am having to work hard to keep eating at bay-- which means to me that either the fill needs to kick in more or I might need more of an adjustment. It is my understanding that you need 2 weeks to really let a fill play out to reach the level of help that you will have from the band.
In that time, I am trying to reinvent my approach or go back to being a newer type bandster again:
1) Small portions
2) Eating slowly
3) Stopping well before being full and allowing my body to catch up
4) Chewing food to liquid
5) Focusing on my proteins and veggies
*** New: cutting out unnecessary carbs/ sweets for now.
Did I mention that I am re-reading the South Beach Diet book for some dietary guidance. I am not 'going on the SB diet' -- just using the approach to help form my band eating, as the approach in that plan is essentially band friendly and meant to help reset your system from carb/ sugar cravings.
So... here I go again.
Note: I don't mean to be acting mysterious, but I have a lot going on right now and want to share it, but most importantly want to post about my band efforts at this point. I want to beat this weight gain and turn it around!
I know the comments DO keep me coming back-- despite the fact that I hate that bit of 'vanity' and need for attention in blogging. But isn't it true that people just really want to be 'seen' and 'heard' and validated in whatever is happening.
Well, this blog may be for you-- even if you didn't read yesterday's blog from me or whatever:
It appears that quite a number of bandsters from my era (around 2 years or more ago) are in a struggle with weight regain. So, I guess the truth is that the band isn't that magic fix we all would have hoped for and that once we lost the weight it would just stay off.
Nope. Seems like complacency leads to weight gain and that it is critically important to stay focused on keeping the weight down and the habits set right.
I am NOT trying to claim EVERYONE has gained weight, that's not true-- some of our number (Lapbandgal comes to mind) are in maintenance and are doing great. But look at her: she is still at work and that is the difference between her success and my struggle (not competing, just comparing for knowledge gathering sake.)
Dr. K, one of the surgeons in my practice said to me (when I saw her in January, complaining that I wanted to lose weight-- and that was before my recent gain of 3 pounds, ugh)-- 'the lap band helps to a point and then there is a limit to what you can get out of it. Some people just 'get it' and lose the weight and stick to their new eating habits... for others, it is harder....and so you have to work harder.'
She went on to tell me that exercise is key and now that I am over 40 (closing in on 42, mind you) that my hormones are changing and the battle is even more uphill.
You said it, girlfriend.
So: as I sit here in a bit of a scared state, worrying if I can do this and get the weight off-- I will try to soothe my anxiety by saying that there is always another adjustment if I need one... but I am still taking this one out for a spin. I am technically still on mushies after my fill... and I know this fill is not feeling too TIGHT, which is good.
But, I am having to work hard to keep eating at bay-- which means to me that either the fill needs to kick in more or I might need more of an adjustment. It is my understanding that you need 2 weeks to really let a fill play out to reach the level of help that you will have from the band.
In that time, I am trying to reinvent my approach or go back to being a newer type bandster again:
1) Small portions
2) Eating slowly
3) Stopping well before being full and allowing my body to catch up
4) Chewing food to liquid
5) Focusing on my proteins and veggies
*** New: cutting out unnecessary carbs/ sweets for now.
Did I mention that I am re-reading the South Beach Diet book for some dietary guidance. I am not 'going on the SB diet' -- just using the approach to help form my band eating, as the approach in that plan is essentially band friendly and meant to help reset your system from carb/ sugar cravings.
So... here I go again.
Note: I don't mean to be acting mysterious, but I have a lot going on right now and want to share it, but most importantly want to post about my band efforts at this point. I want to beat this weight gain and turn it around!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Out of the loop....
I feel really out of the loop with the banded online community.
Did some bus pull away and leave me at the curb? (It's not just me-- it seems like it many of those folks in my 'cycle' are gone... and it almost just happened to me.)
Do I need to go out and make some new bandster playmates?
I remember when the band was a fresh and new thing, and it was fresh and new to post the experiences-- sometimes scary as I went through the new bandster phase.
Well: now I am not new and I am having a scary moment. I was too loose for a month and put on weight, how scary is that? I don't want to fail-- and if you look back in my blog, I was moaning about being too high at 165 and 163 and whatever and waiting to lose more weight.
Well perhaps that is what is the problem?
I definitely need to leave the waiting place and go back to what works: band works.
In fact, to remind myself of how I lost weight and what it was like when I was in that green zone, I am going to look back and read up on my blog-- I think that may be instructive.
As I mentioned yesterday, I got .25cc's back and the PA also checked for me (Anne, she was awesome!!) what was in my band-- she found exactly what was expected to be there (i.e. NO leaks, yay!)
The reason she checked for a leak is because this is how the beginning of our visit went:
Anne: Hi, how are you today?
DL: I AM TERRIBLE (head in hands.)
Anne: What?? What happened, are you ok, are you vomiting or spitting up at night???
DL: I gained weight... (Tears coming into eyes)... I'm sorry.
Anne: Oh phew.... I thought something was REALLY wrong. We'll fix you up! Don't worry!
DL: I feel SO terrible.
Anne: OK, let's step back, what's happening-- did you notice a sudden loss of restriction? Or has this been happening over some time.
DL: No, it has been over the past month. I had an unfill and gradually came to a point where I could eat bread, pasta, steak --anything at all-- and I barely even need to chew it! I know I am in a bad place, I know that is wrong. But I don't want to be too tight--because I know that eating a variety of foods is wise. UGH!
Anne: All right then. Let's check what's in your band, and I am sure you will just need a fill and things will come back together. It is OK.
There was some more of this discussion-- and then she pulled out all the fluid in my band and found the 7.1 cc's she expected (NO LEAK!) and we decided together that since I'd had .3 cc's taken out the last time (or was it .2?) that we'd add back .25 and take that for spin. And she said "Isn't it amazing what a few drops of saline can do??? You'll be fine!"
Then she said, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to be dismissive to you about your concerns-- I know that it can be really scary to gain 3 pounds when you are small like you are now... but think about how far you have come."
(And of course I said, "Well, thanks for that compliment!!")
So: once again, I must say that I love my practice, that they are great and I am so happy to have their support.
Furthermore: my plan is that I have an appointment set for early May-- so once I give this fill level the requisite 2 weeks to settle in and if I still find that I am struggling-- I am going right back in there to top off some more. Trying to be conservative with the fills, but also find my way back to the 'sweet spot' that CAN be found...
In the meantime, I am on liquids (but also allow myself some cheese and other 'solids that turn liquid' in this phase) for another day-- then mushies and then onward.
The goals are:
Hunger and portion size control
Return to very serious chewing
Focus on protein
Cut out any unnecessary and gooey carbs (that means bread, pasta, rice)
Cut out unnecessary sweets (duh)
So there you have it-- this is me, going back to the beginning, admitting some 'defeat' but getting the help I need. Is that so bad?
I guess not, but I do feel ashamed and defeated.
On the other hand: I know that I just saw proof of how much I need my band. I SOOOOO want to be able to 'do this on my own'-- but I see time and again, I just cannot do it by myself, no matter now much 'wantpower ' and 'willpower' I exert.
So there it is. You have it: I have the disease of obesity and I have to accept that this is the task of my life to keep on top of it, avoid the pitfalls, and see my obesity treatment specialists for help when I need them-- NOT avoid help when I know that I am having trouble.
My attempt at Jenny C. diet wasn't a waste-- but it proved more than anything that I am not the person I used to be... the way I can lose weight best now is to use my BAND, not restrictive or planned out diet plans. I just need to get the right level of adjustment of the band, follow the rules, and let the weight come off.
I'll be back soon with a review of the rules, as I know that I need it!
ETA... and here is a great link: damn I can be so uplifting.
Dinnerland's uplifting post about following band rules and band rules review!
Did some bus pull away and leave me at the curb? (It's not just me-- it seems like it many of those folks in my 'cycle' are gone... and it almost just happened to me.)
Do I need to go out and make some new bandster playmates?
I remember when the band was a fresh and new thing, and it was fresh and new to post the experiences-- sometimes scary as I went through the new bandster phase.
Well: now I am not new and I am having a scary moment. I was too loose for a month and put on weight, how scary is that? I don't want to fail-- and if you look back in my blog, I was moaning about being too high at 165 and 163 and whatever and waiting to lose more weight.
Well perhaps that is what is the problem?
I definitely need to leave the waiting place and go back to what works: band works.
In fact, to remind myself of how I lost weight and what it was like when I was in that green zone, I am going to look back and read up on my blog-- I think that may be instructive.
As I mentioned yesterday, I got .25cc's back and the PA also checked for me (Anne, she was awesome!!) what was in my band-- she found exactly what was expected to be there (i.e. NO leaks, yay!)
The reason she checked for a leak is because this is how the beginning of our visit went:
Anne: Hi, how are you today?
DL: I AM TERRIBLE (head in hands.)
Anne: What?? What happened, are you ok, are you vomiting or spitting up at night???
DL: I gained weight... (Tears coming into eyes)... I'm sorry.
Anne: Oh phew.... I thought something was REALLY wrong. We'll fix you up! Don't worry!
DL: I feel SO terrible.
Anne: OK, let's step back, what's happening-- did you notice a sudden loss of restriction? Or has this been happening over some time.
DL: No, it has been over the past month. I had an unfill and gradually came to a point where I could eat bread, pasta, steak --anything at all-- and I barely even need to chew it! I know I am in a bad place, I know that is wrong. But I don't want to be too tight--because I know that eating a variety of foods is wise. UGH!
Anne: All right then. Let's check what's in your band, and I am sure you will just need a fill and things will come back together. It is OK.
There was some more of this discussion-- and then she pulled out all the fluid in my band and found the 7.1 cc's she expected (NO LEAK!) and we decided together that since I'd had .3 cc's taken out the last time (or was it .2?) that we'd add back .25 and take that for spin. And she said "Isn't it amazing what a few drops of saline can do??? You'll be fine!"
Then she said, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to be dismissive to you about your concerns-- I know that it can be really scary to gain 3 pounds when you are small like you are now... but think about how far you have come."
(And of course I said, "Well, thanks for that compliment!!")
So: once again, I must say that I love my practice, that they are great and I am so happy to have their support.
Furthermore: my plan is that I have an appointment set for early May-- so once I give this fill level the requisite 2 weeks to settle in and if I still find that I am struggling-- I am going right back in there to top off some more. Trying to be conservative with the fills, but also find my way back to the 'sweet spot' that CAN be found...
In the meantime, I am on liquids (but also allow myself some cheese and other 'solids that turn liquid' in this phase) for another day-- then mushies and then onward.
The goals are:
Hunger and portion size control
Return to very serious chewing
Focus on protein
Cut out any unnecessary and gooey carbs (that means bread, pasta, rice)
Cut out unnecessary sweets (duh)
So there you have it-- this is me, going back to the beginning, admitting some 'defeat' but getting the help I need. Is that so bad?
I guess not, but I do feel ashamed and defeated.
On the other hand: I know that I just saw proof of how much I need my band. I SOOOOO want to be able to 'do this on my own'-- but I see time and again, I just cannot do it by myself, no matter now much 'wantpower ' and 'willpower' I exert.
So there it is. You have it: I have the disease of obesity and I have to accept that this is the task of my life to keep on top of it, avoid the pitfalls, and see my obesity treatment specialists for help when I need them-- NOT avoid help when I know that I am having trouble.
My attempt at Jenny C. diet wasn't a waste-- but it proved more than anything that I am not the person I used to be... the way I can lose weight best now is to use my BAND, not restrictive or planned out diet plans. I just need to get the right level of adjustment of the band, follow the rules, and let the weight come off.
I'll be back soon with a review of the rules, as I know that I need it!
ETA... and here is a great link: damn I can be so uplifting.
Dinnerland's uplifting post about following band rules and band rules review!
Friday, April 20, 2012
I'm not gone!!!!
It gets to be hard when you are having a hard time-- but today I went back and had .25 cc's put back. And let's call it like it is: my weight in the doc's office was 168.
Ugh. But that's where it ends. I was too loose and too busy to post and I am now too big.
Bleh.
At least it is just a few pounds that I can nip in the bud.
i have SOMUCH to share with you guys-- a move coming up and so much happening.
I hope you are all well- and I am committed to my band-- this is a rough blip and I will get past a bit of weight gain with this fill. M'kay?
Yes.
Ugh. But that's where it ends. I was too loose and too busy to post and I am now too big.
Bleh.
At least it is just a few pounds that I can nip in the bud.
i have SOMUCH to share with you guys-- a move coming up and so much happening.
I hope you are all well- and I am committed to my band-- this is a rough blip and I will get past a bit of weight gain with this fill. M'kay?
Yes.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Still here... just too busy!
Hi y'all:
I am still here, still working it-- just mega mega busy.
J2thec really helped me reset my eating habits-- but going weekly started to drag after a short time, so no more at this point.
My weight: at the same place in the 163ish zone. Weighing in virtually daily and will keep on trying.
I know that I must have more 'want to' to get it down, and I need to put that all into gear with everything I'm trying. More soon-- I am not abandoning my blog!!
I am still here, still working it-- just mega mega busy.
J2thec really helped me reset my eating habits-- but going weekly started to drag after a short time, so no more at this point.
My weight: at the same place in the 163ish zone. Weighing in virtually daily and will keep on trying.
I know that I must have more 'want to' to get it down, and I need to put that all into gear with everything I'm trying. More soon-- I am not abandoning my blog!!
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