If only blogging burned calories...
I just want to report back that I am potentially a very big idiot-- I always think of OTHER reasons, aside from more obvious ones as to why I might feel icky... and then I worry about horrible things that could be wrong with me, including cancer, MS, and my band doing something bad to me.
Stress case!
So, let me say that if I didn't mention it (though I think I did,) I went up on my Well*butrin to 400 mg (under supervision of my psy. doc). He and I both know that this is a high, high dose for me, and one that I don't tolerate well for long, but I was at 300 mg, and having difficulty getting out of bed during the weekends a few weeks back.
Hence: the up-age on the meds.
Further, b/c of the band, I take my meds 3x times daily. It used to be 100mg at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But when the meds were upped, the doc recommended taking 200mg at bfast, and the rest as usual.
Whelp: I think the 200 mg of Wellbutrin is what is making me feel shitty in the morning! And I have a solution I am going to try...
150 mg in the AM
100 mg midday
150 in the PM
Epic DUH! But seriously now, I know that this is probably going to do the trick because I waited until way later than usual to take my midday dose of the medication (thinking that my realization was that 200mg was too much for me at one time)... an I am feeling MUCH better than earlier.
Now: I don't want to forget all that fatty crap I ate on Saturday-- I am fully aware that did me no favors, and I am still feeling fat and bloaty... so I am sticking to my goals, which, I will repeat:
1) Eat protein early in the day: achieved (1 egg, 1 protein bar-- also ate 1 packet of cream of wheat mid morning)
2) Small portioned, band friendly dinner-- planning soup tonight
3) Abstain from alcohol-- not a problem, already done with ease last night
4) Abstain from after dinner snacking-- not a problem persay BUT, I have been cheating myself a bit and here is how and I am admitting it:
I allowed myself to eat dessert last night-- but it was right after dinner-- not a discreet additional meal. I measured 2/3rd of a cup of lite ice cream and ate it... which is progress, but not perfection.
OK, so I think for THIS EVENING, I will plan a NO DESSERT evening.
It's not the rest of my life, it is just one night.
So now I've committed it to all who are reading... good bandster dinner. No alcohol, no dessert.
The end.
All precincts reporting back tomorrow to be sure.
good ole ticker...
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Better this morning after reaching my goals for yesterday...
Hey y'all, I am about to tell you something you already know-- but something that is very magical and that you MAY not be doing already.
I find that setting goals and repeating what I intend to do FOR THAT DAY (and writing them on my blog as well) keeps me accountable.
Here is another 'pearl of wisdom', if you will:
It doesn't work for me to cut and paste the goal from another day-- I need to literally think through the goal, put it in words from my brain on that day... and it really seems to help me.
Yahoo.
The discipline is in the doing.
OK, with that said, yesterday was a success relative to my goals for the week:
I succeeded in:
1) Eating protein early in the day
2) Having a reasonable sized, band friendly dinner (soup, last night)
3) Abstained from drinking alcohol
4) Abstained from after dinner snacking
An additional $20 for my shopping trip this weekend! I am up to $40 right now... and I know that if I follow through with my goals for the rest of the week, I will enjoy the shopping. If I don't, I'm not going looking for clothing- it will be upsetting. Sigh.
I am feeling quite fat and bloated right now (sigh again.) Let me try to remember this feeling before drinking wine with abandon on a weekend or any day-- it takes my inhibitions down and I 'don't care' about what I'm eating at that moment.
But boy am I paying.. even though I am feeling much better and clearer today, I literally am still feeling the effects of what I can only say is a 'food hangover' from Sunday. UGH!!
OK, so as for goals today:
1) Eat protein early in the day (already had a good start with 1 egg, a babybel cheese melted in and a slice of avocado)
2) Eat a reasonable sized, band friendly dinner... I am still feeling rotten, so it may be soup again.
3) Abstain from drinking alcohol.
4) Abstain from after dinner snacking.
I'm also going to try to fit in at least a bit of office toning today for the purposes of exercise. Better than nothing. I'd love to commit myself to the treadmill after work, but when I get home at 7pm, all I want to do is change my clothes, eat something (but band friendly!) reasonable, and spend the hour and a half doing my son's activity of choice-- that is family time.
OK, I suppose, since my son likes to play the Wii in the basement, I could get some exercise gear on and walk on the treadmill... hmm. Well, I will think about this, OK?
Gotta run now-- but am totally committed to my protein, band friendly dinner, abstention to alcohol and after dinner snacking today!
I find that setting goals and repeating what I intend to do FOR THAT DAY (and writing them on my blog as well) keeps me accountable.
Here is another 'pearl of wisdom', if you will:
It doesn't work for me to cut and paste the goal from another day-- I need to literally think through the goal, put it in words from my brain on that day... and it really seems to help me.
Yahoo.
The discipline is in the doing.
OK, with that said, yesterday was a success relative to my goals for the week:
I succeeded in:
1) Eating protein early in the day
2) Having a reasonable sized, band friendly dinner (soup, last night)
3) Abstained from drinking alcohol
4) Abstained from after dinner snacking
An additional $20 for my shopping trip this weekend! I am up to $40 right now... and I know that if I follow through with my goals for the rest of the week, I will enjoy the shopping. If I don't, I'm not going looking for clothing- it will be upsetting. Sigh.
I am feeling quite fat and bloated right now (sigh again.) Let me try to remember this feeling before drinking wine with abandon on a weekend or any day-- it takes my inhibitions down and I 'don't care' about what I'm eating at that moment.
But boy am I paying.. even though I am feeling much better and clearer today, I literally am still feeling the effects of what I can only say is a 'food hangover' from Sunday. UGH!!
OK, so as for goals today:
1) Eat protein early in the day (already had a good start with 1 egg, a babybel cheese melted in and a slice of avocado)
2) Eat a reasonable sized, band friendly dinner... I am still feeling rotten, so it may be soup again.
3) Abstain from drinking alcohol.
4) Abstain from after dinner snacking.
I'm also going to try to fit in at least a bit of office toning today for the purposes of exercise. Better than nothing. I'd love to commit myself to the treadmill after work, but when I get home at 7pm, all I want to do is change my clothes, eat something (but band friendly!) reasonable, and spend the hour and a half doing my son's activity of choice-- that is family time.
OK, I suppose, since my son likes to play the Wii in the basement, I could get some exercise gear on and walk on the treadmill... hmm. Well, I will think about this, OK?
Gotta run now-- but am totally committed to my protein, band friendly dinner, abstention to alcohol and after dinner snacking today!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Pay, pay, pay...
Well: I don't know if the gods are getting me for doing shitty on the 2nd day of a week long plan (though that would be highly superstitious for me to believe).... but I have felt like total CRAP all day, thank you very much.
On the bright side:
I've eaten (not much, b/c I feel like crap) my protein per my plan, and I've been drinking my water throughout the day.
Not entirely clear on why I feel so hazy and cruddy-- except that maybe my body is like: WTF? Why did you pour salami, wine, cheese, and crackers-- followed by cookies into little old me?
How could you??? Now I'm gonna be very resentful and make you feel it tomorrow! (This is my body talking...)
I really don't know-- but suffice it to say, today's eating so far has consisted of:
1/2 fag 2% yogurt with a few splashes of soy milk AND 2 tbs of PB 2 (powdered peanut butter for 6 grams of protein and good flavor too!)
1 tin of smoked trout
You may be wondering why I'm all about the tinned oysters and trout-- and I'll tell ya: they keep well in my office and are a ready source of protein that I really enjoy. THAT's why.
As for exercise (hi Lap Band Gal)-- not doing anything with any regularity. Bad bad.
Can you tell I don't feel well by the choppyness of this post? It is the best I can muster, I'm sorry.
As for the rest of the day, my plan is a protein bar and some soup and more water-- maybe some herbal tea at home as well.
The end, hope to report back on feeling much better tomorrow.
On the bright side:
I've eaten (not much, b/c I feel like crap) my protein per my plan, and I've been drinking my water throughout the day.
Not entirely clear on why I feel so hazy and cruddy-- except that maybe my body is like: WTF? Why did you pour salami, wine, cheese, and crackers-- followed by cookies into little old me?
How could you??? Now I'm gonna be very resentful and make you feel it tomorrow! (This is my body talking...)
I really don't know-- but suffice it to say, today's eating so far has consisted of:
1/2 fag 2% yogurt with a few splashes of soy milk AND 2 tbs of PB 2 (powdered peanut butter for 6 grams of protein and good flavor too!)
1 tin of smoked trout
You may be wondering why I'm all about the tinned oysters and trout-- and I'll tell ya: they keep well in my office and are a ready source of protein that I really enjoy. THAT's why.
As for exercise (hi Lap Band Gal)-- not doing anything with any regularity. Bad bad.
Can you tell I don't feel well by the choppyness of this post? It is the best I can muster, I'm sorry.
As for the rest of the day, my plan is a protein bar and some soup and more water-- maybe some herbal tea at home as well.
The end, hope to report back on feeling much better tomorrow.
Sunday, not so much
Whoops-- I did it again... we went visiting with friends yesterday.. and I blew my plan b/c we were drinking wine in the afternoon, eating crackers, salami, and cheese-- yes, and then cookies.
Not good. And I am paying this morning-- NOT feeling well either.
So: back on track today-- and an observation: drinking lowers my inhibitions, and I conveniently set aside my goals...
I did not earn my $20 for Sunday.
However, it is MONDAY and a new day with these goals:
1) Eat protein early in the day-- (already a good start with Fage 2%)
2) Abstain from drinking alcohol-- definitely, most definitely doing this today, FOR SURE
3) Abstain from after dinner snacking-- absolutely in my plan for the day.
In J*nny C*raig-- they say 'progress, not perfection'-- so I am going for that today. Not worth beating myself up for falling off the track (even though I am kind of like, WTF ?? just a day of on track followed by an epic fail??? grrrr.)
That's about as far as I will go to beat myself up, thank you very much.
I, DL, the human am fallable. I will focus on MY goals, keep accountable and move ahead now...
Not good. And I am paying this morning-- NOT feeling well either.
So: back on track today-- and an observation: drinking lowers my inhibitions, and I conveniently set aside my goals...
I did not earn my $20 for Sunday.
However, it is MONDAY and a new day with these goals:
1) Eat protein early in the day-- (already a good start with Fage 2%)
2) Abstain from drinking alcohol-- definitely, most definitely doing this today, FOR SURE
3) Abstain from after dinner snacking-- absolutely in my plan for the day.
In J*nny C*raig-- they say 'progress, not perfection'-- so I am going for that today. Not worth beating myself up for falling off the track (even though I am kind of like, WTF ?? just a day of on track followed by an epic fail??? grrrr.)
That's about as far as I will go to beat myself up, thank you very much.
I, DL, the human am fallable. I will focus on MY goals, keep accountable and move ahead now...
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Goals for the week-- online...
DL's (Public) Accountability worksheet for Saturday 1/28/12-- 2/4/12
Dollars earned:
$20 + $0 +
Saturday 1/28: SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Sunday 1/29:
Eat protein early in the day
Dinner- small and band friendly
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Monday 1/30:
Eat protein early in the day
Dinner- small and band friendly
Abstain from drinking alcohol
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Tuesday 1/31:
Eat protein early in the day
Dinner- small and band friendly
Abstain from drinking alcohol
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Wednesday 2/1:
Eat protein early in the day
Dinner- small and band friendly
Abstain from drinking alcohol
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Thursday 2/2:
Eat protein early in the day
Dinner- small and band friendly
Abstain from drinking alcohol
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Friday 2/3:
Eat protein early in the day
Dinner- small and band friendly
Abstain from drinking alcohol
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
How I'm doing...
Here's my report:
Saturday 1/28-- GOALS ACHIEVED
Eat protein early in the day
keep dinner small and band friendly
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Onward....
Sunday 1/29:
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
More later!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Reviews...and goals
So here is my plan from yesterday:
... And here is how I actually did:
I am committed, for the rest of today to drinking my water, focusing on protein and accepting the fact that dinnertime is really not the best time for me to eat!
This is a new idea that has crossed my mind... when I go out to dinner (as I've planned for this evening)-- just have a small salad or soup, because I can get those things ANYWHERE and that way, no decision making and no considering a slider that WON'T EVEN GO DOWN THAT WELL!!!... And here is how I actually did:
My DAY on Friday 1/27/12--
early morning: Coffee/ milk
breakfast: 1 egg, 1 quarter of an avocado
midday #1:
1 can tinned oysters (oh, the protein in those yummy suckers!! 200 calories for the tin: 16 grams of protein)
midday #2:
Dried fruit and nuts-- 210 calorie pre-portioned
midday #3:
1 cup coffee
Dinner (out):
~2/3rd cup of beef chili
4-5 bites of salad (shared w/ husband)
1 dinner roll 'crust' (scooped out the bread-y inside) w/ 2 pats butter
1 dirty martini
~5 bites of son's ice cream/ brownie dessert
After Dinner:
2 squares ghiradelli chocolate, 1 spoonful peanut butter
My assessment:
1) My calorie estimate is: ~1600 calories
2) I accomplished what I set out to do, that is: I ordered a very small, good and band friendly choice and was able to eat a SMALL portion of it (the chili.) That kept me from feeling freakish, deprived, angry, or ill (!) at dinner.
Instead of stressing myself by ordering my own salad, which I can never finish, I dug into my husband's-- and instead of my own dessert, I shared a small bit of my son's (he ordered the brownie sundae, and he, his former babysitter and our friend G., and I all ate it together....though it was his dessert which he happily shared-- good kid!)
3) Clearly, skipping the dirty martini would be a calorie and sodium savings-- and I am actually getting sick of that drink and having it less and less. I can tell this because I was WAY tipsy from the drink after dinner.
4) I KNOW that having the 'after dinner/ before bed' extra sweet/ salty peanut butter and chocolate combo was a total error. My consolation: here is tomorrow and a new day to plan!
5) I find that planning -- without obsessively deciding each detail-- really works for me. I choose the 'high danger/ failure mode issues' to address, and then I focus on these and let everything else take its course. (This is management 101-- focus on the low hanging fruit and deal with it first.)
OK, so my bally-hoo's are enough to be keeping me at my current weight-- and I know that... so I am constantly looking for good solutions.
I think I have found the 3 that are critical-- the challenge is to change these ALL for the better over time:
Challenge #1: Changing my mind-set about 'dinner'.
Dinner really isn't the meal that I can eat with gusto anymore.
Frankly, I can't eat any meal and have a huge portion-- thank you band!
But dinner has classically been that 'unwind' time for me-- and I constantly bump up against my band about it. Grrrr.
Well, duh, after 2 years of this, I realize that the true answer is to ACCEPT that dinner must be small and easy to swallow. That means soup or something on the mushier side in the ideal sense... and it means an appetizer for dinner in a restaurant.
That means not necessarily eating the same thing as my family is eating during the week, which isn't as hard as it sounds, since I get home after our appointed dinner hour of 6pm anyway. I just need to 'commit' to soup for dinner and get over it!!
The flip side of NOT accepting this is trying to eat something when I get home and having my band protest-- snapping shut and forcing me to stop, feeling resentful, and winding up with my go-to 'I feel bad that I can't eat anything else so I'm going to have a piece of cheese and some Pirate's booty.'
That's just got to stop because it is within my control to avoid upsetting myself and then seeking comfort about BEING upset.
Nobody said the band was that easy, y'all.
Challenge #2: Alcoholic beverages.
I have tending to have a drink on most days since I was banded-- having a bit of alcohol is recommended by my doctor (YES, this is true to any haters out there) b/c it is relaxing to the esophagus... BUT: it is also a drain on my calorie limit. Or rather, it eats up calories that could be used as a deficit for weight loss.
So, I am gradually reducing my drinking-- both portion (sometimes I just have a 1/4 cup of wine and that's enough for me, don't feel like anymore) and something I just skip it.
I find that during the week is a better time for me to 'encourage' myself to just skip the drink-- and during the weekend is when I more greatly prefer a glass of wine in the late afternoon... so there you go.
That dirty word: 'moderation.' But that's what I'm planning.
Challenge #3: The before bed eating syndrome.
Very, very difficult one for me to break through. For realz. A bad habit that I ought to get cold turkey on right away.
I know that when I concentrate very hard on something /putting my mind to it-- I can accomplish it... and perhaps what I need to do is come up with a reward scheme that is meaningful to me to break the habit.
It may sound dumb to you, but I actually have to force myself to buy clothes sometimes....
I don't have a lot of time to shop and since I have 'enough' clothes and variety-- I don't do all that much shopping.
SO: I am thinking my little plan will be to 'pay' myself a little sum of money ($10 ? $20?) for each night I am 'night snack free.' Then, I can promise myself a shopping trip in the following weekend to use that cash just for me for something I would not usually buy-- feeling guilty about it and thinking it would be better NOT to spend right now b/c we've taken several vacations, got new hardwood floors etc etc...
I guess $20 would be really worth it...because if I succeed over Sat, Sun, Mon, Tuesday, Weds, Thurs, Frid-- I will have a total of $140 to spend on anything I feel like, and that is right before we're going on a vacation to AZ-- so maybe even a new bathing suit.
See: I wouldn't ordinarily 'justify' a new bathing suit-- since I have 3 perfectly good bathing suits already. I'm just not that type who buys MORE when I have enough. Unless it's a treat, that is...
OK, so here's my goals for the week-- and I plan to literally pay the cash to myself so I can see it and think about my little shopping trip next Saturday.
Saturday 1/28:
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Sunday 1/29:
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from after dinner snacking= $20
Monday 1/30:
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from drinking AND after dinner snacking= $20
Tuesday 1/31:
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from drinking AND after dinner snacking= $20
Wednesday 2/1:
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from drinking AND after dinner snacking= $20
Thursday 2/2:
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from drinking AND after dinner snacking= $20
Friday 2/3:
Eat protein early in the day, keep dinner small and band friendly and
Abstain from drinking AND after dinner snacking= $20
You'll be hearing from me on how it goes...
Friday, January 27, 2012
Blogging is fundamental
I am just closing out the work week (though I have many hours before I am 'allowed' to leave).... and wanting to say that blogging is so fundamental.
Today, I am having a 'good' eating day, having committed myself to better nutrition after a few mopey days where I realized I WAS depressed and that cookies actually made me feel better at that time.
Yes, it's true-- NOW I am admitting I was eating cookies in the last 2 days. Bad bandster.
Oy. Whatever. Do I expect to lose weight from eating cookies, no. But do I care if I have a blip on my screen while doing what I needed to do for a few days while my medication kicks up, not in the slightest.
Moving right along-- today is a better day.
And how is blogging fundamental? Because of the cookies, I'll tell you.
What if I lived in a world where I never blogged?
Let me flesh out this world for you:
What if this world was a place where I never had to confront myself eating cookies ? Where I never had to think (even though I don't want to be judged or be anyone's leader to a certain path) that I might be setting a bad 'example' ? What if I didn't have a blog or quit blogging for a while so that I could lie to myself for a while longer and say 'eat the cookies, you know you feel better, and it's OK to keep eating them and eating them and having no accountability whatsoever.'
I'll tell ya-- pretty soon, we all know I'd gain a bunch of weight and have REAL things to be depressed about, not just a biological upsurge of my depression. M'kay.
So here I am, owning up to my own cookie nonsense-- and also accepting myself as a human who sought some cookie comfort for 2 days.
That's over.
Today I've had: EDITED FOR FULL DAY info...
My DAY:
Coffee/ milk
1 egg, 1 quarter of an avocado
1 can tinned oysters (oh, the protein in those yummy suckers!! 200 calories for the tin: 16 grams of protein)
Dried fruit and nuts-- 210 calorie pre-portioned
1 cup cofee, 1 tbs peanut butter
Dinner out:
~2/3rd cup of beef chili
4-5 bites of salad (shared w/ husband)
1 dinner roll 'crust' (scooped out the bread-y inside) w/ 2 pats butter
1 dirty martini (yeah.)
~5 bites of son's ice cream/ brownie dessert
I am committed, for the rest of today to drinking my water, focusing on protein and accepting the fact that dinnertime is really not the best time for me to eat!
This is a new idea that has crossed my mind... when I go out to dinner (as I've planned for this evening)-- just have a small salad or soup, because I can get those things ANYWHERE and that way, no decision making and no considering a slider that WON'T EVEN GO DOWN THAT WELL!!!
A small salad (yes, I would order blue cheese dressing and use some of it) will be something to chew, chew, chew-- and I know I will be very cautious eating it... sliders, not so much.
Soup, same thing... but even easier to eat.
This type of ordering keeps the calories down, and so if I choose to have a drink (alcoholic) -- I can 'afford' it.
All of the above said, the key to making a dinner of soup or salad work is EATING earlier in the day.
What a revelation, huh?
I know, I know-- you've all been saying this to me for some time, but it takes time and energy and effort for me to eat during the day-- that's not when I feel like it and it's not when my body feels hungry at this point. (That's b/c I am so damn used to eating so little during the day!)
Well... one day at a time, one improvement at a time... I may not be getting anywhere yet, exactly, but you know I will keep on trying. AND I will keep blogging about it, and try to be more regular still-- I know it keeps me damn honest.
Loves to you all.
Today, I am having a 'good' eating day, having committed myself to better nutrition after a few mopey days where I realized I WAS depressed and that cookies actually made me feel better at that time.
Yes, it's true-- NOW I am admitting I was eating cookies in the last 2 days. Bad bandster.
Oy. Whatever. Do I expect to lose weight from eating cookies, no. But do I care if I have a blip on my screen while doing what I needed to do for a few days while my medication kicks up, not in the slightest.
Moving right along-- today is a better day.
And how is blogging fundamental? Because of the cookies, I'll tell you.
What if I lived in a world where I never blogged?
Let me flesh out this world for you:
What if this world was a place where I never had to confront myself eating cookies ? Where I never had to think (even though I don't want to be judged or be anyone's leader to a certain path) that I might be setting a bad 'example' ? What if I didn't have a blog or quit blogging for a while so that I could lie to myself for a while longer and say 'eat the cookies, you know you feel better, and it's OK to keep eating them and eating them and having no accountability whatsoever.'
I'll tell ya-- pretty soon, we all know I'd gain a bunch of weight and have REAL things to be depressed about, not just a biological upsurge of my depression. M'kay.
So here I am, owning up to my own cookie nonsense-- and also accepting myself as a human who sought some cookie comfort for 2 days.
That's over.
Today I've had: EDITED FOR FULL DAY info...
My DAY:
Coffee/ milk
1 egg, 1 quarter of an avocado
1 can tinned oysters (oh, the protein in those yummy suckers!! 200 calories for the tin: 16 grams of protein)
Dried fruit and nuts-- 210 calorie pre-portioned
1 cup cofee, 1 tbs peanut butter
Dinner out:
~2/3rd cup of beef chili
4-5 bites of salad (shared w/ husband)
1 dinner roll 'crust' (scooped out the bread-y inside) w/ 2 pats butter
1 dirty martini (yeah.)
~5 bites of son's ice cream/ brownie dessert
I am committed, for the rest of today to drinking my water, focusing on protein and accepting the fact that dinnertime is really not the best time for me to eat!
This is a new idea that has crossed my mind... when I go out to dinner (as I've planned for this evening)-- just have a small salad or soup, because I can get those things ANYWHERE and that way, no decision making and no considering a slider that WON'T EVEN GO DOWN THAT WELL!!!
A small salad (yes, I would order blue cheese dressing and use some of it) will be something to chew, chew, chew-- and I know I will be very cautious eating it... sliders, not so much.
Soup, same thing... but even easier to eat.
This type of ordering keeps the calories down, and so if I choose to have a drink (alcoholic) -- I can 'afford' it.
All of the above said, the key to making a dinner of soup or salad work is EATING earlier in the day.
What a revelation, huh?
I know, I know-- you've all been saying this to me for some time, but it takes time and energy and effort for me to eat during the day-- that's not when I feel like it and it's not when my body feels hungry at this point. (That's b/c I am so damn used to eating so little during the day!)
Well... one day at a time, one improvement at a time... I may not be getting anywhere yet, exactly, but you know I will keep on trying. AND I will keep blogging about it, and try to be more regular still-- I know it keeps me damn honest.
Loves to you all.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
WTF!!!
I was just over reading "Lap Band Gal's" blog-- specifically yesterday's post that I missed entirely about her 'coming clean' about her eating.
And then there were a few choice comments about how she should not hold herself up as some 'pillar of the banding community' or 'leader' if she is going to eat junk some of the time.
WTF?
I imagine that if you read my blog at all, you know what MY opinion is going to be to haters:
FUCK OFF.
Lap Band Girl is a success and she knows it-- and I was hardly surprised to read that she eats junk food sometimes, she has said it many times in her blog. Perhaps she's not reporting back every morsel or regretful food episode, but let's not forget her diligent weigh ins on Fridays. That takes guts, right there.
But this post is not an ode to Lap Band Girl, even though I am impressed with her commitment and inspired by her ongoing success. It is more my opportunity to sit down and blog to the heavens and ANYONE who will read this:
Get off your fucking high horse everyone who likes to bitch!!!
We all make choices, and none of us are criminals if we eat chocolate chip cookies instead of carrots and celery or chicken breasts.
There is NO one right solution for any one person, we all have to make our own way.
WHY do we have to make things worse by fighting about whose way is best? For cripe's sake-- just stop arguing about who is the best and greatest and most leading example and choose to follow your own path. Oh, and if your path doesn't lead you where you want to go, try another one.
That's called LIFE.
I cannot stand judgmental crap-- and I hate being judged myself.
Y'all know that I am always happy to hear reasonable, measured feedback-- but I never think a 'kick in the pants' is the way to get anything done. If I am making bad food choices-- it doesn't make me a bad person or a bad bandster-- it makes me someone who is making bad food choices. THAT's ALL.
And tomorrow, I can be a person who makes good food choices... so, ugh. I don't know. I just hate all the judging.
I will say, on a final note, that while I have lost nowhere near the amount of weight that many have with their bands, I consider myself (and my practice considers me) a success in the WLS department.
I don't have to be perfect to be branded a success- and I am not calling myself a 'leader'-- because I am not inviting anyone to follow what I do. I just do what I do and that's how I roll-- do what YOU like and be happy about it or change it... whatevs.
The bottom line is that even if I am a 'success' and have come a long way-- that doesn't mean the end of the road. Once a weight problem, always a weight problem-- the level of focus and concern seems to now be waxing and waning a bit-- BUT: I still have my goal of reaching the normal BMI range, I still have my very short term goal of losing 3 pounds to get me well and truly out of the 160's again... but I know that once I reach whatever the next and the next is, I will still be living with ME.
And that ME will need to watch her weight for life. That's just for realz.
And I don't feel like fighting about how I choose to do it or entertaining haters on anyone's blogs. That is just so ... I don't know... WTF. That's all.
Rant over.
The end.
And then there were a few choice comments about how she should not hold herself up as some 'pillar of the banding community' or 'leader' if she is going to eat junk some of the time.
WTF?
I imagine that if you read my blog at all, you know what MY opinion is going to be to haters:
FUCK OFF.
Lap Band Girl is a success and she knows it-- and I was hardly surprised to read that she eats junk food sometimes, she has said it many times in her blog. Perhaps she's not reporting back every morsel or regretful food episode, but let's not forget her diligent weigh ins on Fridays. That takes guts, right there.
But this post is not an ode to Lap Band Girl, even though I am impressed with her commitment and inspired by her ongoing success. It is more my opportunity to sit down and blog to the heavens and ANYONE who will read this:
Get off your fucking high horse everyone who likes to bitch!!!
We all make choices, and none of us are criminals if we eat chocolate chip cookies instead of carrots and celery or chicken breasts.
There is NO one right solution for any one person, we all have to make our own way.
WHY do we have to make things worse by fighting about whose way is best? For cripe's sake-- just stop arguing about who is the best and greatest and most leading example and choose to follow your own path. Oh, and if your path doesn't lead you where you want to go, try another one.
That's called LIFE.
I cannot stand judgmental crap-- and I hate being judged myself.
Y'all know that I am always happy to hear reasonable, measured feedback-- but I never think a 'kick in the pants' is the way to get anything done. If I am making bad food choices-- it doesn't make me a bad person or a bad bandster-- it makes me someone who is making bad food choices. THAT's ALL.
And tomorrow, I can be a person who makes good food choices... so, ugh. I don't know. I just hate all the judging.
I will say, on a final note, that while I have lost nowhere near the amount of weight that many have with their bands, I consider myself (and my practice considers me) a success in the WLS department.
I don't have to be perfect to be branded a success- and I am not calling myself a 'leader'-- because I am not inviting anyone to follow what I do. I just do what I do and that's how I roll-- do what YOU like and be happy about it or change it... whatevs.
The bottom line is that even if I am a 'success' and have come a long way-- that doesn't mean the end of the road. Once a weight problem, always a weight problem-- the level of focus and concern seems to now be waxing and waning a bit-- BUT: I still have my goal of reaching the normal BMI range, I still have my very short term goal of losing 3 pounds to get me well and truly out of the 160's again... but I know that once I reach whatever the next and the next is, I will still be living with ME.
And that ME will need to watch her weight for life. That's just for realz.
And I don't feel like fighting about how I choose to do it or entertaining haters on anyone's blogs. That is just so ... I don't know... WTF. That's all.
Rant over.
The end.
Sorry-- too friggin busy
I am holding steady at 162. 3... and have gone up on my wellbutrin. Had a bit of an upsurge in my depression of late. That sucks.
Maybe that's why I haven't been posting as much.
But I still love you all and am quite committed to blogging, so don't you fret-- I am still around!
I do apologize for not commenting and hope especially that our Sandy Lee is feeling very good after her surgery-- I must get over there and say that on HER blog.
Looking very much forward to an upcoming warm weather vacation from Feb. 11th to the 18th-- and so are our housesitters (the owner of our Tae Kwon Do studio and his roommate stay in our house when we are aware and take care of our pets-- cool arrangement as they love the bird and it keeps our house safe from any assholes who'd want to break in to a seemingly 'quiet' house during a vacation.)
Anywhoo... I am officially either plataeued, stuck, or living right where I am in weight at the moment- and my new hope is to see my motivation surge as the Wellbutrin kicks in for me. I know that I've been down and anxious lately, but as my psych doc has pointed out, I tend to 'tough things out' and pretend it is anything else until I finally cannot ignore the need for more medication. Le sigh. At least I have good care and medication that works QUICK.
Another thing: since my vacay is going to be in lovely Arizona, where I always feel healthy and into fitness, I am officially looking at the week of 2/13/12 as my 'spa/ health' vacation-- and perhaps with daily workouts and excellent healthy choices during that week, I will come back and find myself back in the 150's... a girl can dream, right? In the meantime, I am hanging in there, trying to walk when I can find the time and get a bit better from this little upsurge from my stupid depression.
Lots of love to y'all... I'll be back to write real soon xlxlxl DL.
Maybe that's why I haven't been posting as much.
But I still love you all and am quite committed to blogging, so don't you fret-- I am still around!
I do apologize for not commenting and hope especially that our Sandy Lee is feeling very good after her surgery-- I must get over there and say that on HER blog.
Looking very much forward to an upcoming warm weather vacation from Feb. 11th to the 18th-- and so are our housesitters (the owner of our Tae Kwon Do studio and his roommate stay in our house when we are aware and take care of our pets-- cool arrangement as they love the bird and it keeps our house safe from any assholes who'd want to break in to a seemingly 'quiet' house during a vacation.)
Anywhoo... I am officially either plataeued, stuck, or living right where I am in weight at the moment- and my new hope is to see my motivation surge as the Wellbutrin kicks in for me. I know that I've been down and anxious lately, but as my psych doc has pointed out, I tend to 'tough things out' and pretend it is anything else until I finally cannot ignore the need for more medication. Le sigh. At least I have good care and medication that works QUICK.
Another thing: since my vacay is going to be in lovely Arizona, where I always feel healthy and into fitness, I am officially looking at the week of 2/13/12 as my 'spa/ health' vacation-- and perhaps with daily workouts and excellent healthy choices during that week, I will come back and find myself back in the 150's... a girl can dream, right? In the meantime, I am hanging in there, trying to walk when I can find the time and get a bit better from this little upsurge from my stupid depression.
Lots of love to y'all... I'll be back to write real soon xlxlxl DL.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Snapped shut!
I've been sick and maybe that is the answer to my question - but why the hell did my band snap shut?
Argh.
Feeling pretty 'tight'-- but able to drink fluids and have regular food if I chew very, very carefully.
It's been dawning on me how tight my band is right now... so I am finally catching up in my brain and thinking carefully about eating smaller, smaller portions, chewing really carefully and favoring soups and other easier to eat items.
The key is to use a more restricted time to my advantage, not my disadvantage...
Anyhow:I am sorry about the comments issues of late, I've missed you guys and missed being able to comment on some of your blogs. I took Draz's advice and changed my comments to 'full page' (under settings).. and I hope that helps if anyone has had difficulty commenting on my blog.
Another thing: not sure if I've acknowledged this realization, but I am pretty sure my new weight range is 162 to 165... this is since my loose time in the fall... and since all of my efforts to change things.
All in all: this is a small overall weight return from my lowest ~158... but I still want to get a hold of it and get back into the 150's. As you know: I am trying -- but as you also know, I am clearly not dedicating every bit of my heart and soul to it, because if I were, I'd be down out of the 160's already!!
I like the advice from Perry and from Barbara, and from Gen too-- that perhaps acceptance of where I am it is the best thing to do... and I am pleased with my improved appearance since my overall weight loss. Then again: I am still wanting that 'normal BMI' as an ultimate goal
I also know that it is winter time, which is less active and an opportunity for bundling up in lots of clothes (which does nothing for being realistic about how tight and sleek clothes look!) and that as it gets warmer I will be able to increase my motivation and activity while maybe decreasing food intake also. This is not exactly what any of them said-- just a mash up of their advice plus my thoughts.
SO... I'll keep at it, I'm less scared of any additional weight gain right now, and more focused on trying to get my weight range to be 157--160 again (that's a first and short term goal, which involves losing a good 2 to 3 solid pounds.)
Stay warm, y'all.
Argh.
Feeling pretty 'tight'-- but able to drink fluids and have regular food if I chew very, very carefully.
It's been dawning on me how tight my band is right now... so I am finally catching up in my brain and thinking carefully about eating smaller, smaller portions, chewing really carefully and favoring soups and other easier to eat items.
The key is to use a more restricted time to my advantage, not my disadvantage...
Anyhow:I am sorry about the comments issues of late, I've missed you guys and missed being able to comment on some of your blogs. I took Draz's advice and changed my comments to 'full page' (under settings).. and I hope that helps if anyone has had difficulty commenting on my blog.
Another thing: not sure if I've acknowledged this realization, but I am pretty sure my new weight range is 162 to 165... this is since my loose time in the fall... and since all of my efforts to change things.
All in all: this is a small overall weight return from my lowest ~158... but I still want to get a hold of it and get back into the 150's. As you know: I am trying -- but as you also know, I am clearly not dedicating every bit of my heart and soul to it, because if I were, I'd be down out of the 160's already!!
I like the advice from Perry and from Barbara, and from Gen too-- that perhaps acceptance of where I am it is the best thing to do... and I am pleased with my improved appearance since my overall weight loss. Then again: I am still wanting that 'normal BMI' as an ultimate goal
I also know that it is winter time, which is less active and an opportunity for bundling up in lots of clothes (which does nothing for being realistic about how tight and sleek clothes look!) and that as it gets warmer I will be able to increase my motivation and activity while maybe decreasing food intake also. This is not exactly what any of them said-- just a mash up of their advice plus my thoughts.
SO... I'll keep at it, I'm less scared of any additional weight gain right now, and more focused on trying to get my weight range to be 157--160 again (that's a first and short term goal, which involves losing a good 2 to 3 solid pounds.)
Stay warm, y'all.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sick and nauseous, ick
I've been sick and now it seems to have moved to my gut... I hate being nauseous, and nausea carries extra baggage with the band-- like: did I do something to my band to make me nauseated???
I am swallowing liquids fine and not having any vomiting episodes-- so it seems unlikely that I am having band troubles that would be really worrying.. however: my band is TIGHT right now (all of a sudden) and now that I've realized it, I'm going to be super careful and stay to easier to eat stuff right now and focus on staying hydrated.
Fortunately: I am not hungry from feeling nauseous so I won't have a hard time keeping off of eating much.
Sadly: I am going to miss the bandster brunch today. Sigh. Have I mentioned it is a snowstorm in the East? Not nearly the level of badness of last year's storms for us, but I am fully a suburbanite-- don't like driving out in snow.
Have a great time y'all!!
I am swallowing liquids fine and not having any vomiting episodes-- so it seems unlikely that I am having band troubles that would be really worrying.. however: my band is TIGHT right now (all of a sudden) and now that I've realized it, I'm going to be super careful and stay to easier to eat stuff right now and focus on staying hydrated.
Fortunately: I am not hungry from feeling nauseous so I won't have a hard time keeping off of eating much.
Sadly: I am going to miss the bandster brunch today. Sigh. Have I mentioned it is a snowstorm in the East? Not nearly the level of badness of last year's storms for us, but I am fully a suburbanite-- don't like driving out in snow.
Have a great time y'all!!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
moi today
The good news is that I ate well today and yesterday... Today so far, I still have the evening to go.
So far:
Coffee w/ milk
Arugula salad w/ chick peas and 2 tsps olive oil w/ vinegar
Diner cheddar omelette w/ broccoli and wheat toast (had butter on it- maybe 1 piece total)
.... As for what is on the agenda for the rest of my food day, hmmm (did I say that already?)
I'm also wearing my trust pedometer and despite feeling icky, am doing my best to pace in my office and stuff.
The pedometer, like blogging, gives a measure to my effort--and even if I don't hit 10k steps per day- I am literally pacing and moving MORE than I would if I weren't wearing it.
Sigh: today, not so good- up to only 4100 steps by nearly 4pm, but I plan to pace thru my whole conference call at 4!!
Ta ta y'all...
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Today's plan
So, there you see it- in all its glory-- my food plan for the day.
I was more generous with my calories-- allowing myself up to 1500 calories so that I won't experience cravings and hunger... but you'll also notice that I've skipped a glass of wine (which is, more often than not, part of my daily life.)
I haven't been finding success at creating a food journal as I go-- so instead, I'm falling back on a tried and true method that has worked for me as a bandster in the past: plan the food ahead and then just follow the plan! I've tried to get a variety of foods, proteins, and ensure some fiber, vitamins, minerals etc in there. Let's see how it goes...
Edited at 1:05pm to add:
So far, so good-- even though I am at home-- a plan AHEAD really does work. Note: I am not sticking completely to the plan, but it is guiding me in my choices-- and that is a really good thing!
Here's what I've eaten so far:
Coffee/ milk
water
9:30am 1 egg/ 1egg white/ 1/4 cup cheddar cheese/ 1/8th avocado and salsa
Coffee / milk
12:45pm -- arugula salad w/ 1/2 cup chick peas, 2 tsp olive oil and balsamic vinegar and a sprinkle of sesame seeds
water
4pm -- Chai latte w/ 1/2 cup 1% milk; 3 kumquats
5:15 pm- (early dinner)-- Chicken w/ white beans in lemon sauce
Planned for the rest of the day:
protein bar
almonds and raisins
Edited at 1:05pm to add:
So far, so good-- even though I am at home-- a plan AHEAD really does work. Note: I am not sticking completely to the plan, but it is guiding me in my choices-- and that is a really good thing!
Here's what I've eaten so far:
Coffee/ milk
water
9:30am 1 egg/ 1egg white/ 1/4 cup cheddar cheese/ 1/8th avocado and salsa
Coffee / milk
12:45pm -- arugula salad w/ 1/2 cup chick peas, 2 tsp olive oil and balsamic vinegar and a sprinkle of sesame seeds
water
4pm -- Chai latte w/ 1/2 cup 1% milk; 3 kumquats
5:15 pm- (early dinner)-- Chicken w/ white beans in lemon sauce
Planned for the rest of the day:
protein bar
almonds and raisins
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Interesting article...
Check this out... I saw it this morning...
As in all things: moderation is a definite key, but I think there is a ton of good, sensible, down home advice below.
Enjoy!
Drop Around The Clock! Follow this hour-by-hour slim-down schedule to control hunger hormones, banish cravings, and get trim and toned--fast!
6 TO 8 AM: GET MOVING.
Within a half hour of rising and before you eat breakfast, do 20 minutes of cardio. Research has found that exercising before breakfast may help you burn fat more efficiently. If you can get outside, even better. Early morning sunlight helps your body naturally reset itself to a healthier sleep/wake cycle (regular indoor lights don't have the same effect).
6:55 TO 8:55 AM: DRINK UP.
Before every meal, drink two 8-ounce glasses of water. Research shows that people who drank this amount lost 5 pounds more than nonguzzlers.
7 TO 9 AM: EAT BREAKFAST.
The alarm clock also wakes up ghrelin, the "feed me" hormone made in your stomach. Ignore ghrelin and your body will produce even more, eventually making you ravenous. To suppress ghrelin's effect, eat a mix of complex carbs and protein, such as eggs and whole grain toast, within an hour of waking.
10 TO 11 AM: MUNCH MIDMORNING.
Ghrelin begins to rise again a couple of hours before lunch. It turns off when you chow down, particularly on carbs and protein, so have a small combo snack, like blueberries and Greek-style yogurt.
12 TO 1 PM: HAVE YOUR MIDDAY MEAL.
Galanin, another hunger hormone that makes you crave fat, rises around lunchtime. However, dietary fat causes you to produce more galanin, which then tells you to eat more fat. Instead, fill up with complex carbs and protein, such as chicken-vegetable soup or black bean chili.
2 TO 3 PM: TAKE A NAP.
Instead of hitting the vending machines, find a quiet place to grab a few Zzzs. (Hint: Your parked car is the perfect impromptu sleep pod!) Just set an alarm--15 to 20 minutes will energize your body without affecting your ability to sleep at night.
3:30 PM: GET BUZZED.
Need a boost? This is your last chance to have a cup of joe. Drinking coffee after 4 PM disturbs circadian rhythms and can keep you from falling asleep at night.
4 TO 8 PM: TRIM AND TONE.
Now's the time to do your strength training, plus any additional cardio. This is when your body temperature is highest, so you're primed for peak performance. In one study, subjects who worked out in the late afternoon or early evening built 22% more muscle than morning exercisers.
5 TO 7 PM: TIME TO DINE.
To ensure you don't wake up hungry in the middle of the night, add a serving of healthy fats, such as flaxseed or fish oil, to your meal. If you're a wine drinker, pour a glass now. Drinking later can delay dream (REM) sleep, waking you frequently during the night.
9 TO PM: HAVE A PRESLEEP SNACK.
Enjoy a carb-based bedtime snack, such as a serving of low-fat frozen yogurt. Nighttime carbs create tryptophan, which helps your brain produce serotonin. This feel-good chemical triggers your body to make melatonin, the sleep hormone.
9 TO 10:30 PM: POWER DOWN.
Step away from digital devices, including the TV. They emit a blue spectrum of light that's even more disruptive to sleep than regular bulbs. Do something calming--read, take a bath--in dim light so you're ready to nod off when you hit the sheets.
9:30 TO 11 PM: GO TO SLEEP.
Crawl under the covers at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning, even on weekends. Having a regular sleep-and-wake schedule helps you fall asleep faster over time.
As in all things: moderation is a definite key, but I think there is a ton of good, sensible, down home advice below.
Enjoy!
Drop Around The Clock! Follow this hour-by-hour slim-down schedule to control hunger hormones, banish cravings, and get trim and toned--fast!
6 TO 8 AM: GET MOVING.
Within a half hour of rising and before you eat breakfast, do 20 minutes of cardio. Research has found that exercising before breakfast may help you burn fat more efficiently. If you can get outside, even better. Early morning sunlight helps your body naturally reset itself to a healthier sleep/wake cycle (regular indoor lights don't have the same effect).
6:55 TO 8:55 AM: DRINK UP.
Before every meal, drink two 8-ounce glasses of water. Research shows that people who drank this amount lost 5 pounds more than nonguzzlers.
7 TO 9 AM: EAT BREAKFAST.
The alarm clock also wakes up ghrelin, the "feed me" hormone made in your stomach. Ignore ghrelin and your body will produce even more, eventually making you ravenous. To suppress ghrelin's effect, eat a mix of complex carbs and protein, such as eggs and whole grain toast, within an hour of waking.
10 TO 11 AM: MUNCH MIDMORNING.
Ghrelin begins to rise again a couple of hours before lunch. It turns off when you chow down, particularly on carbs and protein, so have a small combo snack, like blueberries and Greek-style yogurt.
12 TO 1 PM: HAVE YOUR MIDDAY MEAL.
Galanin, another hunger hormone that makes you crave fat, rises around lunchtime. However, dietary fat causes you to produce more galanin, which then tells you to eat more fat. Instead, fill up with complex carbs and protein, such as chicken-vegetable soup or black bean chili.
2 TO 3 PM: TAKE A NAP.
Instead of hitting the vending machines, find a quiet place to grab a few Zzzs. (Hint: Your parked car is the perfect impromptu sleep pod!) Just set an alarm--15 to 20 minutes will energize your body without affecting your ability to sleep at night.
3:30 PM: GET BUZZED.
Need a boost? This is your last chance to have a cup of joe. Drinking coffee after 4 PM disturbs circadian rhythms and can keep you from falling asleep at night.
4 TO 8 PM: TRIM AND TONE.
Now's the time to do your strength training, plus any additional cardio. This is when your body temperature is highest, so you're primed for peak performance. In one study, subjects who worked out in the late afternoon or early evening built 22% more muscle than morning exercisers.
5 TO 7 PM: TIME TO DINE.
To ensure you don't wake up hungry in the middle of the night, add a serving of healthy fats, such as flaxseed or fish oil, to your meal. If you're a wine drinker, pour a glass now. Drinking later can delay dream (REM) sleep, waking you frequently during the night.
9 TO PM: HAVE A PRESLEEP SNACK.
Enjoy a carb-based bedtime snack, such as a serving of low-fat frozen yogurt. Nighttime carbs create tryptophan, which helps your brain produce serotonin. This feel-good chemical triggers your body to make melatonin, the sleep hormone.
9 TO 10:30 PM: POWER DOWN.
Step away from digital devices, including the TV. They emit a blue spectrum of light that's even more disruptive to sleep than regular bulbs. Do something calming--read, take a bath--in dim light so you're ready to nod off when you hit the sheets.
9:30 TO 11 PM: GO TO SLEEP.
Crawl under the covers at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning, even on weekends. Having a regular sleep-and-wake schedule helps you fall asleep faster over time.
Monday, January 16, 2012
I also have a dream
Today is a day of sadness and of hope and celebration to the extent that someone like Martin Luther King walked this earth. Someone who wanted to inspire us all to love freedom and embrace equality.
My hope for peace and understanding and TOLERANCE in this world is very much in line with Dr. King's vision. His loss is a sad reminder of the hate and intolerance in our world-- but I hope that my little note will be a tribute to his ongoing legacy... I also wish for peace and civil rights for every. single. person.
-----------------------------------------------------
I'm still having ups and downs with my eating-- and a 3 day weekend makes it harder.
Being at the place I go during the week actually adds a lot of structure and this makes it helpful to eat better. Quite a conundrum because it also interferes with my exercise, which is NOT healthy. Le sigh.
I am working on some of your awesome suggestions-- several of you observed that I ought to try to eat during the day-- and so I've settled on 2 good breakfasts: either a fruit smoothly with frozen berries and 1 Fage Greek Yogurt 2% fat... or ~3/4 cup of Kashi Go Lean Crunch with lowfat milk. Both are filling and hold me for a LONG time.
It's easiest for me to eat starting with mid-morning, so I think I'll bring one of these things along with me tomorrow.
It's kind of like I am rebuilding some good habits-- and this is a good thing.
I also know that salad works best in the middle of the day... so I've bought my favorite greens (arugula) and will bring a salad along for 'mid-afternoon-ish' (along with protein to go with the salad or on the side.)
It's still the evening that is the challenge-- but I am wondering if I set up my blood sugar better during the day, if I will turn off the evening cravings and difficulties. Not only that: but I know that taking care of myself and eating during the day will psychologically prepare me to face 'head hunger' at night and talk back to it (saying: "you've had a good eating day, don't foul it up now... be mindful!!") Not to mention the good blood sugar and metabolism set up of eating during the day... I know that I won't go hog wild in the same way if I've actually eaten during the day!
On another note, I've been lazy and a bit needing my space alone this weekend (though we have had some very good family time too.) Thanks hormones (it's my (.) -- as Jennyr would say. Bah.
I mean to read and comment on your blogs ... sorry if I have been a bit remiss in comments, but I actually have been trying to read up.
Hugs to y'all.
My hope for peace and understanding and TOLERANCE in this world is very much in line with Dr. King's vision. His loss is a sad reminder of the hate and intolerance in our world-- but I hope that my little note will be a tribute to his ongoing legacy... I also wish for peace and civil rights for every. single. person.
-----------------------------------------------------
I'm still having ups and downs with my eating-- and a 3 day weekend makes it harder.
Being at the place I go during the week actually adds a lot of structure and this makes it helpful to eat better. Quite a conundrum because it also interferes with my exercise, which is NOT healthy. Le sigh.
I am working on some of your awesome suggestions-- several of you observed that I ought to try to eat during the day-- and so I've settled on 2 good breakfasts: either a fruit smoothly with frozen berries and 1 Fage Greek Yogurt 2% fat... or ~3/4 cup of Kashi Go Lean Crunch with lowfat milk. Both are filling and hold me for a LONG time.
It's easiest for me to eat starting with mid-morning, so I think I'll bring one of these things along with me tomorrow.
It's kind of like I am rebuilding some good habits-- and this is a good thing.
I also know that salad works best in the middle of the day... so I've bought my favorite greens (arugula) and will bring a salad along for 'mid-afternoon-ish' (along with protein to go with the salad or on the side.)
It's still the evening that is the challenge-- but I am wondering if I set up my blood sugar better during the day, if I will turn off the evening cravings and difficulties. Not only that: but I know that taking care of myself and eating during the day will psychologically prepare me to face 'head hunger' at night and talk back to it (saying: "you've had a good eating day, don't foul it up now... be mindful!!") Not to mention the good blood sugar and metabolism set up of eating during the day... I know that I won't go hog wild in the same way if I've actually eaten during the day!
On another note, I've been lazy and a bit needing my space alone this weekend (though we have had some very good family time too.) Thanks hormones (it's my (.) -- as Jennyr would say. Bah.
I mean to read and comment on your blogs ... sorry if I have been a bit remiss in comments, but I actually have been trying to read up.
Hugs to y'all.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
162.9 and getting some mojo
Such an interesting conversation with Dr. K(urian) yesterday-- has been real 'food' for thought, and actually: quite motivating in its own way.
The intellectual in me says the word diet and it's various forms (diets, dieting) is just a semantic term. In fact, I've heard Dr. K, herself, say that the word 'diet' just refers to 'what you eat every day.'
So, how can what she said to me have such power to jolt me? To make me wonder if I've screwed things up? If I ought to start over? Have I done everything wrong so far and, and and...?
Gah. I am just expressing myself-- so please stop reading this if you are not in the mood for a stream of consciousness post.
Back to the fact that it is down to me to move to the next step... take my weight in hand and lose the rest... or NOT. Because essentially, I think Dr. K was also telling me that maybe I am OK where I am and that at age 41, my body is fighting me to stay where it is. And that to lose more weight will take an EFFORT that perhaps I haven't put in yet since I lost the weight with the band?
I am not saying that losing the weight was effortless or that the band did all the work.
Rather, I am reflecting and wondering if the main thing that helped me lose the weight that I have done was 'restriction' (as in, the simple inability to eat larger portions.) And now that I've lost all the weight that I'm going to lose through restriction, and have also picked up some bad eating habits that work with the band along the way-- that is: eating cheese and creamier stuff because its easier to get down... NOW, perhaps my next job is to chip away at those eating habits.
And perhaps other parts of my next job are to challenge myself to eat the RIGHT foods before any of thewrong easy foods pass my lips. What if I tell myself that I must have a fruit and a vegetable before eating any cheese in a day?
What if I tell myself that in order to have any alcoholic beverage, I must have had at least 64 oz of water per day?
These are great ideas, I know-- but which ones am I going to use?
Oh, and by the way, I believe I am being quite all or nothing in my assessment. I know the band has also helped me 'push myself away from the table' and choose to have 1 bite of cake or 1 piece of chocolate (instead of several pieces of cake or chocolate) because I have realized that there is always tomorrow... and that 'restricting' food groups and 'dieting' of the past had ended, so I was free to eat what I chose and so I also tried to choose healthier and lower calorie options.
Rather than the black or white view I am taking, I guess I just need to retool my approach, favoring the lower calorie foods, trying to eat the healthier options before the unhealthy, and focusing on healthy options that are EASY for me to get down.
Yeah, that's more like it.
As I've gotten older, I've definitely learned to be milder in my approach to myself-- and I've learned, and said it countless times here before, that the more extreme my approach-- the worse the aftershocks and reversion to bad behaviors I am trying to turn around.
Have I mentioned that I think my little fill is helping, by the way?
And that I have the opportunity, as of yesterday (during which I did fairly well, though I had no fruits or vegetables... not even pureed)... to gently turn the wheel towards better health and continued weight loss.
I suppose the weight won't fall off anymore-- but when did it really 'fall off' anyway?
When I reexamine my blog, which has been a journal of ups and downs and fills/ unfills etc-- I see that the times where I was losing weight, I was eating the least calories. Ha ha. How obvious-- but how challenging too.
Yesterday was a good day because I simply ate less.
My appointment with the doc was scheduled for 10am, and since I was to be weighed, fully clothed, I had 1 cup of coffee and didn't eat anything.
Then I had my fill of .1 cc.
Then I went back to my o*ff*ce and had a cup of coffee along the way... and didn't eat anything until mid-afternoon-- when I had a can of tinned smoked trout (YUM-- 23 grams of protein, I think and 180 calories.)
Then I went home, and had New England clam chowder (pureed), a piece of cheese, some Pirate's booty, a glass of wine-- and a protein bar all within the scope of 4 hours before bedtime.
My typical ritual of eating most of my calories in the evening-- but still and all-- even with all of the eating I did (and none of it was out of control....) I stayed well under 1500 calories for the day.
Granted, eating creamed soup shouldn't be an every day affair, but it is something I allow for when I get an adjustment-- like a little 'treat' b/c I really am limited as to what I can eat.
OK, I am totally rambling, but what I'm trying to say is this:
My life is what it is right now.
I still have a very long drive to and from the place I go until I find and accept a new one closer to my home... that is not on the horizon anytime soon, but you never know. I have been awfully close several times-- but chose to stay where I am until I can get something MUCH better....
So: acceptance becomes the key-- like Judo-- going WITH the direction of the 'fight' will help me win... rather than pushing against it....
I tend to eat most at night-- so: don't eat too much during the day, focus on protein and water.
I tend to like sweets at the end of the day-- so: have a protein bar (which is often considered a candy bar with vitamins by many nutritionists anyway)
I find creamier, mushier consistencies easier to tolerate in the evening (at my tightest)- so: try to eat fruit and vegetable servings during the day whenever possible
I don't have much time in my day for exercise... so exercise when I can and move on until I can find the place I go closer to home and get back some of my daily hours...
There is surely more-- but I am going to do one step at a time, focusing on keeping my intake lower and in check and also trying to 'go with' what seems to be habitual, rather than fighting it-- substituting the things that are less healthy with healthier choices....
The intellectual in me says the word diet and it's various forms (diets, dieting) is just a semantic term. In fact, I've heard Dr. K, herself, say that the word 'diet' just refers to 'what you eat every day.'
So, how can what she said to me have such power to jolt me? To make me wonder if I've screwed things up? If I ought to start over? Have I done everything wrong so far and, and and...?
Gah. I am just expressing myself-- so please stop reading this if you are not in the mood for a stream of consciousness post.
Back to the fact that it is down to me to move to the next step... take my weight in hand and lose the rest... or NOT. Because essentially, I think Dr. K was also telling me that maybe I am OK where I am and that at age 41, my body is fighting me to stay where it is. And that to lose more weight will take an EFFORT that perhaps I haven't put in yet since I lost the weight with the band?
I am not saying that losing the weight was effortless or that the band did all the work.
Rather, I am reflecting and wondering if the main thing that helped me lose the weight that I have done was 'restriction' (as in, the simple inability to eat larger portions.) And now that I've lost all the weight that I'm going to lose through restriction, and have also picked up some bad eating habits that work with the band along the way-- that is: eating cheese and creamier stuff because its easier to get down... NOW, perhaps my next job is to chip away at those eating habits.
And perhaps other parts of my next job are to challenge myself to eat the RIGHT foods before any of the
What if I tell myself that in order to have any alcoholic beverage, I must have had at least 64 oz of water per day?
These are great ideas, I know-- but which ones am I going to use?
Oh, and by the way, I believe I am being quite all or nothing in my assessment. I know the band has also helped me 'push myself away from the table' and choose to have 1 bite of cake or 1 piece of chocolate (instead of several pieces of cake or chocolate) because I have realized that there is always tomorrow... and that 'restricting' food groups and 'dieting' of the past had ended, so I was free to eat what I chose and so I also tried to choose healthier and lower calorie options.
Rather than the black or white view I am taking, I guess I just need to retool my approach, favoring the lower calorie foods, trying to eat the healthier options before the unhealthy, and focusing on healthy options that are EASY for me to get down.
Yeah, that's more like it.
As I've gotten older, I've definitely learned to be milder in my approach to myself-- and I've learned, and said it countless times here before, that the more extreme my approach-- the worse the aftershocks and reversion to bad behaviors I am trying to turn around.
Have I mentioned that I think my little fill is helping, by the way?
And that I have the opportunity, as of yesterday (during which I did fairly well, though I had no fruits or vegetables... not even pureed)... to gently turn the wheel towards better health and continued weight loss.
I suppose the weight won't fall off anymore-- but when did it really 'fall off' anyway?
When I reexamine my blog, which has been a journal of ups and downs and fills/ unfills etc-- I see that the times where I was losing weight, I was eating the least calories. Ha ha. How obvious-- but how challenging too.
Yesterday was a good day because I simply ate less.
My appointment with the doc was scheduled for 10am, and since I was to be weighed, fully clothed, I had 1 cup of coffee and didn't eat anything.
Then I had my fill of .1 cc.
Then I went back to my o*ff*ce and had a cup of coffee along the way... and didn't eat anything until mid-afternoon-- when I had a can of tinned smoked trout (YUM-- 23 grams of protein, I think and 180 calories.)
Then I went home, and had New England clam chowder (pureed), a piece of cheese, some Pirate's booty, a glass of wine-- and a protein bar all within the scope of 4 hours before bedtime.
My typical ritual of eating most of my calories in the evening-- but still and all-- even with all of the eating I did (and none of it was out of control....) I stayed well under 1500 calories for the day.
Granted, eating creamed soup shouldn't be an every day affair, but it is something I allow for when I get an adjustment-- like a little 'treat' b/c I really am limited as to what I can eat.
OK, I am totally rambling, but what I'm trying to say is this:
My life is what it is right now.
I still have a very long drive to and from the place I go until I find and accept a new one closer to my home... that is not on the horizon anytime soon, but you never know. I have been awfully close several times-- but chose to stay where I am until I can get something MUCH better....
So: acceptance becomes the key-- like Judo-- going WITH the direction of the 'fight' will help me win... rather than pushing against it....
I tend to eat most at night-- so: don't eat too much during the day, focus on protein and water.
I tend to like sweets at the end of the day-- so: have a protein bar (which is often considered a candy bar with vitamins by many nutritionists anyway)
I find creamier, mushier consistencies easier to tolerate in the evening (at my tightest)- so: try to eat fruit and vegetable servings during the day whenever possible
I don't have much time in my day for exercise... so exercise when I can and move on until I can find the place I go closer to home and get back some of my daily hours...
There is surely more-- but I am going to do one step at a time, focusing on keeping my intake lower and in check and also trying to 'go with' what seems to be habitual, rather than fighting it-- substituting the things that are less healthy with healthier choices....
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
.1 cc and how it's time to get in there...
So, I went to the doc and saw that I'd put on a grand total of 2 pounds since my November 28th visit. Not terrible, and good that I nipped that in the bud, I suppose.
The more serious news, after discussion with Dr. K(urian), is that she feels like if I want to lose more weight it is going to be down to me.
She gave me a .1 cc fill-- keeping things very conservative. Her impression is that she wants patients to be as loose as possible so that they can eat a variety of foods-- and once the band has done it's initial work, dieting is really essential.
Hmmmm.
Now this is not exactly what I originally recall hearing when I got the band-- and I am going to take her advice as it was meant. What she was saying is that the band is not going to magically work anymore. Rather: I need to use it as a tool. (That sounds so familiar....)
What I am looking for is hunger/ appetite control-- and I hope that I will get some more... gotta run and do some work, more to follow!!
On liquids for the next 3 days.
The more serious news, after discussion with Dr. K(urian), is that she feels like if I want to lose more weight it is going to be down to me.
She gave me a .1 cc fill-- keeping things very conservative. Her impression is that she wants patients to be as loose as possible so that they can eat a variety of foods-- and once the band has done it's initial work, dieting is really essential.
Hmmmm.
Now this is not exactly what I originally recall hearing when I got the band-- and I am going to take her advice as it was meant. What she was saying is that the band is not going to magically work anymore. Rather: I need to use it as a tool. (That sounds so familiar....)
What I am looking for is hunger/ appetite control-- and I hope that I will get some more... gotta run and do some work, more to follow!!
On liquids for the next 3 days.
Off for an adjustment today-- and the 100 foods list...
I'm off for an adjustment today-- looks like my weight may be up between 2 and 3 pounds since I was there in late November... I am ready to 'face the music' and move ahead.
Would it be wrong for me to work on doing liquids/ protein shakes for 5 days instead of 3 post fill? I doubt I will be able to keep it up through the weekend, but it is a thought in my head-- just to reset myself.
I often get these thoughts in my mind-- but carrying them through is another story.
Just not sure if it is too drastic?
I guess I can ask...
I also think I'm finally going to adjust my ticker.
I also think I'm finally going to adjust my ticker.
Also, on a totally opposite note, there is a list of 100 foods you should 'try before you die'-- I believe I've eaten many of them... but I also think: WTF ? Who is circulating this list and why? I guess people love making lists and challenging others with what they've done?
Dunno. But here is the list that I found and an X next to it if I've tried it... looks like I've tried about 62 of these.
Is this why I am 'fat on the inside?'
1. Abalone
2. Absinthe
3. Alligator
4. Baba Ghanoush X
5. Bagel and lox X
6. Baklava X
7. Barbecue ribs X
8. Bellini X
9. Bird’s Nest Soup X
10. Biscuits and gravy X
11. Black Pudding
12. Black Truffle X
13. Borscht X
14. Calamari X
15. Carp X
16. Caviar X
17. Cheese fondue X
18. Chicken and waffles X
19. Chicken Tikka Masala X
20. Chile RellenoX
21. Chitterlings/Chitlins
22. Churros
23. Clam Chowder X
24. Cognac X
25. Crabcake X
26. Crickets
27. Currywurst
28. Dandelion wine
29. Dulce de leche X
30. Durian
31. Eel X
32. Eggs benedict X
33. Fish Tacos X
34. Foie GrasX
35. Fresh Spring Rolls X
36. Fried Catfish
37. Fried Green Tomatoes X
38. Fried Plaintain X
39. Frito Pie
40. Frog’s Legs X
41. Fugu
42. Funnel CakeX
43. GazpachoX
44. Goat
45. Goat’s milkX
46. Goulash
47. GumboX
48. Haggis
49. Head Cheese
50. Heirloom Tomatoes X
51. Honeycomb
52. Hostess Fruit Pie X
53. Huevos RancherosX
54. Jerk ChickenX
55. Kangaroo
56. Key Lime PieX
57. Kobe BeefX
58. LassiX
59. LobsterX
60. MimosaX
61. MoonPie X
62. Morel Mushrooms
63. Nettle Tea
64. OctopusX
65. Oxtail SoupX
66. PaellaX
67. PaneerX
68. Pastrami on RyeX
69. Pavlova
70. Phaal
71. Philly Cheesesteak X
72. Pho
73. Pineapple and cottage cheeseX
74. Pistachio Ice CreamX
75. Po’ boy
76. Pocky
77. PolentaX
78. Prickly Pear
79. Rabbit Stew
80. Raw OystersX
81. Root Beer Float
82. S’moresX
83. SauerkrautX
84. Sea UrchinX
85. Shark
86. SnailX
87. Snake
88. Soft Shell CrabX
89. Som Tam
90. Spaetzle
91. Spam
92. Squirrel
93. Steak TartareX
94. Sweet Potato FriesX
95. Sweetbreads
96. Tom Yum
97. Umeboshi
98. VenisonX
99. Wasabi PeasX
100.Zucchini Flowers
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