Runs with dog runs, again-- and Happy New Year!

I went for a run (35 mins) with Sunday (our puppy) and came home and took a few pix that you see above.

A short while ago I had a great breakfast: 1 cup of Kashi GoLean Crunch (190 cals) and 1/2 cup 2% milk.

This makes me think that I need a list of 'go to' healthy foods/ meals for each meal that are pretty much fail safe foods that work with the band, are healthy for me and will help me in the new year.  Not to mention foods that I would willingly grab.  That's why I am going to skip noting Greek yogurt on my list. I know it is a healthy food-- but even when I have it in the house, I don't immediately go for this food.

Also: This means getting further away from some of my 'go to's' that were OK for a 'learning bandster'-- but now I need to step it up!

So, I'll be working this list carefully-- the beginnings are here and I'll keep on adding and copy my list to bring it forward over the next few days- I'll take any suggestions:

Mid morning/ Breakfast:

1 cup Kashi GoLean Crunch w/ 1/2 cup milk

Mid afternoon/ Lunch:

Tinned smoked oysters

Home made tuna salad (with mayo)

Home made egg salad (with mayo)

Sliced deli turkey or ham w/ sliced cheese (roll up)

Fruit

Salad

Dinner/ Evening Meal:

??

Guacamole, salsa-- w/ roasted vegetables

*Note: dinner is super hit or miss for me-- I know this is an issue and I need to fix it!!

Evening Snack:

Not necessary- but what can I have that would add nutritional value if hungry in the evening and not do damage...

General 'go to's:

Zone protein bars

Grapefruit (halved and cut up to avoid the most fibrous pieces)

Do I need a word for 2012????

Seems like everyone has a 'word' for 2012, and I am tempted to join the club.
I think my word for 2012 will be 'Success."

How will I define success is a larger question.

My whole life isn't about my weight or weight loss. While I haven't gotten to where I want to be (yet)- and I am fearful of gaining weight back, and not quite as fearful, but fearful still of remaining stuck at this weight range 'forever'... (isn't that a funny dichotomy-- I am more afraid to gain than I am afraid that I won't lose more weight?)... I am not stuck on only losing weight.

My life has much more to it than my weight.

The key 'spheres' that I think are relevant are:
Family/ Friends
Home
Car*eer/ Work

In order to experience 'success'- there are certain things that are beyond my control and others that I can control:
As for Family: I want everyone to be healthy (which I can contribute to but can't control) and happy (which I can contribute to but can't control.)  I want to enjoy my life with all of those people I love and care for (which I can contribute to but can't control.)
As for Home: I want things to be peaceful (which I can contribute to but can't control) and happy (which I can contribute to but can't control.)  I'd also like things in good order-- and I certainly can't control this myself, even if I try really hard because I live with 2 other people (one who is under 8 years old!)
As for C/Wt: I'd like to be satisfied where I am while still seeking my next steps. THIS, I can and am working on controlling.

Which brings me round to 'success' again-- NOT such a good word after all.
Success has a lot to do with judgment and control.
These things are not really very good for me. I am an overachiever perfectionist and the irony of these personality traits is that I will drop out of something or get angry if I see no way to do it 'perfectly.'  I am prone to feeling 'judged' by others-- perhaps when they are not even judging me.  This also comes from a profoundly screwy sense of guilt, which I am gradually throwing off as I mature.  I am NOT responsible for everything!

If I were looking for the essential root of strife in my life-- I'd say it is right in the paragraph I just wrote.  Internal pressure to control things I cannot control, desire to do things without a mess/ perfectly etc.  Not entirely realistic.
And: a very good metaphor for my weight loss trajectory.
You know: it hasn't been perfect, but I am a hell of a lot better than where I started almost 2 years ago.

Perhaps I need to go back to "Acceptance"-- which may or may not have been my word for 2011-- but THAT's the word I'm going to choose.  Acceptance is not the same as complacency-- it is quite different.  Looking at it from the "AA" prayer-- Acceptance is understanding the difference between things you can change and things you cannot change and having the wisdom to know the difference.
Then, once you have the wisdom, keeping the commitment to making changes and getting back on the wagon if you fall off.
It's the life path for me, and the one that always bubble back up when I lose my way.

Acceptance it is.

God give me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting good and bad experiences alike as the pathway to peace.  Taking this world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that my acceptance, courage and widsom will make things right for me in this life.

161.4 and still truckin'

So: I got on the scale this morning and I am at 161.4.
I am especially pleased to tell you that I was at 169.2 last year on this very day.
If you'd like to read my post from that day, click here , but I didn't note my weight.
I did, however, suggest some posts for 2011.

By the 31st of December, I was down to 166.8 and then I eventually got lower.  (If you look at my sidebar, which I just did, the specifics are there.)

My all time lowest weight in 2011, after a bout of very bad tightness that WAS NOT worth it (!) was 155.9 in June 2011-- and I really can't say that was anything but dehydration.
But if I were to get similarly dehydrated at this moment, losing about 4 pounds or so, I'd be higher now, around 157ish-- and that is actually where I've had the gain from and to where I am .

Not sure if this is making sense, but the bottom line is that my all time lowest weight range was 157ish... and now I am in the 161ish range.  An admitted 4 pound gain that I believe I put on when I got a big unfill in September and stayed that way for about 4 weeks-- with a pound a week gain, more or less.

Since then, I've been trying to take it off-- including back and forths a few times for fills.
This actually resulted in my weight swinging even HIGHER to the highest I saw, around 164ish (maybe I even saw 165 one day.)
I went for my last fill shortly before I left for my trip to Jamaica-- and that helped me get back into this zone: 161ish.

So, that's where I live now-- for this moment.
I'm actually pretty confident that giving up the sweets for 'streaks', along with regular walks with my dog (really helps!!) and mindfulness-- I am at this weight right now.

And if I can continue along this way-- Gen, shout to you-- finding a MODERATE way to occasionally enjoy a planned sweet (Also a shout out to Caron-- At Goal Weight Watcher who is awesome and plans a piece of pie a week in advance!!) -- I think I can get myself further down the scale.

I don't want to give up my dreams of reaching the 130's ever again-- but I just know that I am focusing my energies on getting back to the 150's at the moment.

I'll tell ya something else.  The elimination of sweets is a good thing in that I pretty much will allow myself to eat anything else I want to eat (moderately, not pigging out-- but thanks to the band, I can't really stuff my face at any time!!)  I eat olives, I had saurkraut with dinner, these are salty things that I won't give up... and don't have to b/c I can count on having some of the 'bloat' thrown off by eliminating quite a bit of sugar in desserts and unplanned extras (especially this time of year, where people give chocolates for gifts (gah!!) and there are cakes and cookies all around.

My intention is to hold off on sweets until New Year's eve-- and then plan in some really delicious treat for after dinner.
Our family tradition is that we STAY HOME and cook or bring something great in on New Year's.  It is safer, less expensive, and far less annoying.  I hate hype.
So: perhaps since our little one will be with us, maybe we will bake a special cake or cookies (from scratch?) as a New Year's activity.  And I will eat the cookies or cake and savor them and enjoy and then MOVE ON.

The further plan will be to avoid sweets for a week past New Year's and then see how I feel.

OMG-- too long since last post!

I guess I fell into the holiday doldrums with the posting-- but I am BAh-ck!
I have to admit that I haven't been on the scale for a few days (maybe 4?)... but will get up the nerve any day now.
I hate NOT weighing in daily, because that first time back on the scale is the hardest.

My eating has been on the off end of things, and my band has been on the looser side to boot.  Nevertheless, with 'today is the first day of the rest of my life' in mind-- I am doing my best to be 'mindful.'  I'll tell ya'-- just a little attention to detail REALLY works.
That, and logging my food. Just knowing I had to write it made a difference.

Today I ate:
coffee /2% milk  60
protein bar-- 200
1 medium grapefruit- 70 (I didn't eat everything)
1/2 cup of 16 bean homemade soup (slow cookers rock!)-- 200
1 individual bag of pirate's booty cheese curls-- 150
9/10th of beef brotwurst-- 260
saurkraut/ 1tsp ketchup-- 20
1.5 oz cheddar cheese- 160
red wine-- 200
~1300 calories

So far, I've avoided sweets for the day (I don't count protein bars or red wine as sweets as these are not 'binge' foods for me at all.)

Trouble is, one of my work colleagues gave me chocolate truffles for a gift-- I brought them home for my son / husband... and am was considering having 1.
Shout out to Lap Band Gal: they are Harry and David chocolate truffles!

Anyway: it says that 2 are about 220 calories, so one chocolate would be 110 calories-- not sure whether I care to have it or if it is worth it.  If I were to have it, I would have ONE and enjoy / savor it.  But I am thinking nope-- how about a nice rich espresso with my lovely Nesp*resso machine instead?
I'll report back tomorrow.
Decision right below!

oh- and as far as resolutions for the New Year: I don't like 'em-- but I am 'resolved' to try to avoid sweets in general-- and to go for 'streaks of free of sweets.'  The first day is the hardest, right?
So I am not sure if this is the first day, or if tomorrow will be the first day of the latest 'no sweets streak.'

YES, it is hard.

Update: I decided NOT to go for the chocolate-- instead, having the nice espresso! And feeling hella righteous instead.
This blogging works for accountability. Thanks to all of my friends out there who may be reading, even judging, I am happy about my good choice.

Just to tell you... I had some chocolate

Eh... but back on the wagon (so to speak ) tomorrow.
It wasn't an emotional eating binge- but I would characterize it as some frustration eating that I couldn't eat my dinner... too tight.

Back in the saddle tomorrow as I said above. Progress, not perfection, as they say.
Let me go for 7 days after today since today was day 6.

Remind me to tell you all about how I didn't succumb to emotional eating

I am too damn busy to do it right now-- am weight: 161.5.
Still hanging on to the no sweets rule- and wanted cake, cookies or candy SO BADLY after an argument with my husband last night.  But: I just said no.
It wasn't easy, but I did it.

Thanks, Lap Band Girl-- I remembered your banner on your site: "If hunger is not the problem, then eating isn't the solution."
So I had a few sips of water and went to bed instead.

Now hubs and I are made up and I didn't eat sweets for a temporary 'hit' to feel better.
YAY ME!!

Still going strong!

It's working out well-- easier than I ever would have dreamed once getting over day 1 of operation no sweets.
Weight this am: 161.9.

I finally threw off some water weight and believe that this may be my 'accurate' weight at the moment, but I am going to leave my ticker as is for the mo'.
It is pretty darn close.

Anyway: I am bound and determined to get back into the 150's ASAP- and I feel like maybe I've found a new magic bullet.
Here is the short form of what I'm doing:
-Eating as healthy as possible, but not particularly restricting any type of food if I want it
-No desserts, no sweets with the one exception of protein bars, one per day as a meal replacement or snack

THAT'S ALL.
But I think I may see that this is going to save more calories than I might have imagined-- can I hope for a several pound loss over the next few weeks... we will see.

If nothing else, I feel less bloated, less crave-y, and less guilty!! YAY!

Operations no sweets- day 2

Success!
I felt a little sad and deprived that I couldn't have some chocolate in the middle of the afternoon yesterday... but I kept at it.
Surprisingly, I did not crave dessert last evening.

I am waiting to see whether I saving those dessert/ sweets calories makes a meaningful difference- so far, the scale is the same. But I realize that a savings of perhaps 400 calories over the last 2 days doesn't come close to a pound. It is going to take a week or two in order to see whether this change is working.

Note on this experiment:
I am doing my best to eat healthily, but am not deliberately restricting myself from any foods (other than sweets) right now-- that is my best effort to focus on the biggest calorie issue that I think I'm facing.

Let's see what happens...

No sweets streak...

Thanks for the suggestions and comments on what to eat-- since I can't write (and have been too busy to anyway) at PIG for fear of stupid internet monitoring blah blah-- I have been posting less. That blows.
And, I've been posting less because I feel less successful in the weight loss arena these days.

I am still retaining water from my trip, and from the fact that I keep eating salty food (olives are the devil) -- so my weight is still hovering between 162 and 164.
I am REALLY now trying to limit the olives and other salty stuff, because I don't like those numbers and am pretty hell bent on bringing them down and because my rings are tight-- indicating the water retention.

AND: I continue to work on turning this whole shebang around.

I am listening to what many of you, and most recently, Miss Gen the Fabulous and missed in blogworld, told me: trying to go 'cold turkey' on the sweets.
They are my biggest vice.  There was a time in our illustrious blog world (about a year or so ago) when there was a major brew-ha-ha and arguing amongst weight loss community about the 'privilege' of weight loss surgery and how those of us who have had it should not waste this precious gift.  Wasting the gift would definitely include eating sweets (even on occasion, and I wish I could say that I was eating sweets on occasion, but if I am to be perfectly honest-- I am eating sweets every day.  This is really not a wise decision, and I KNOW IT.)

Back to the weight loss surgery police:
How dare anyone who had weight loss surgery ever consider enjoying a fattening meal again? After all: YOU'VE had WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY-- so that means several things:
A. You should suddenly be cured of every bit of food michigas (mish-ih-gas, pronunciation for the non-Yiddish speakers-- this word means 'craziness') we ever had before the surgery, just because we came out of anesthesia alive and on the other side
B. YOU should be newly able to recognize and deal with emotional eating and make it go away FOREVAH!
C. YOU should have perfect new eating habits and stick to them for all time.
etc etc.
I'm already too bored to list out all the redonkulous nonsense bullshit that was thrown around about expectations of weight loss surgery patients post op.

The truth is, I am the same fucked up character as before. Le sigh.
I'm afraid that I haven't made much progress (this is a terrible admission, but I'm afraid to say that it is true.)  It doesn't mean I won't keep trying.
However:
I'm fairly certain that if I lost my band, I'd gain all the weight back-- I am now as sure of that as of anything, especially with all of my struggles and the luster of my shiny new band all gone.

What am I left with?
Myself.
My band, a tool I can use and one that most definitely HELPS, but isn't the cureall.
And a need to improve my eating habits to get to the next level.
And a need to improve my eating habits because I should.
And a need to improve my eating habits because I imagine that I may be at a good fill level-- perhaps not perfectly in the green zone of NO hunger and NO cravings, but enough in the green zone that if I exert an effort, I can keep myself in check. (Don't know for sure, but am not anxious to get another fill.)
Sigh.

I know I am running on.
I am not even sure what I am trying to say so I am looking back at my title to tell you that I am going to try this 'no sweets' thing as a 'keep it simple stupid' method.

I can keep everything else straight in my mind, keep myself pretty occupied and avoid snacking-- try to err on the healthier choices side... and if I give up my sweets habit, I may just find that that 1400 calories per week-- I'm considering 200 calories per day for chocolate or graham crackers (or more) that I've been wasting on those (yummy) sugary (unnecessary, addictive) things I like and eat habitually will be my answer to the next step.

We went out to dinner last night and I did something else: I didn't order a drink. I did have a bit of wine (maybe a quarter cup, seriously-- I fell asleep and didn't finish the glass of wine hubs poured for me!...)
So, the skipped drink was a good idea because it saved me those calories as well...

Here's what I ate yesterday:
coffee/ milk
Breakfast-1 egg with chopped up brocolini (about a quarter cup)
Lunch-1 Amy's organic Spinach pocket
1 Zone perfect protein bar*
'Snack'- coffee/ milk
Dinner (out at local steakhouse)-
1 Mozzarella stick
Turkey w/ gravy and mashed potatoes (had maybe 3 oz turkey, 1/2 cup mashed pototatoes, 1 tbs cranberry sauce)
Wine (as above)

Assessment:
The volume of food is OK.  I was w-o-rking from home yesterday, so I struggled with some desire to eat out of boredom in the afternoon- that's why I had the coffee.
Operation "NO SWEETS" was in effect and I was successful for 1 day-- YAY, now I am going for day 2-- the * above is to denote that one might consider a Zone bar a 'sweet' but I use them for protein-- and they are NEVER a binge-y food.
So they are the only 'sweet' (technicality) allowed.

I'm going to go look for a count-up ticker on OPERATION NO SWEETS now.
Ciao.

Food suggestions???

I didn't want to bury the lead, so here is my question for bandsters and non-bandster's alike as I explore my eating habits and look for changes I ought to make...

I'm asking for a repeat of the good old-- WHAT ARE YOU EATING?

"How would you characterize  a really good eating day-- what foods do you eat, what approximate quantities and when are you eating?

Do you deliberately wait to eat until a certain time?

Do you deliberately / intentionally STOP eating at a certain time?

Are there foods you most definitely avoid? If so, why?

Please answer!  I'll try to answer later-- but suffice it to say that I'm looking for suggestions and if I knew the right answers to everything, I'd just give them up.

I heard y'all with your advice about eating more solid proteins during the day.  I don't mean to be dumb-- but can you give me some suggestions of things YOU eat for solid proteins during the day?

I think my thinking on these things is a bit screwy.

Here's the deal: I still opt for mushier things, because they are just easier.  For example, are beans considered a solid protein? I love me some straight up kidney beans or chickpeas-- I mean the canned kind, but no dressing is necessary.

Of course, I know that chicken and steak are solid proteins-- but I find these to be more challenging to eat-- though I love me some fish. Is fish a solid protein?

Alright:
Dun, dun duh: got on the scale this morning and it was 163.5.
Argh!!!!

OK, so what I forgot is that I returned home right in the 'pre-period'  hormonal weight drop... which is now being followed by the expected hormonal weight gain (usually 2-3 pounds) of getting my period as my hormones shift around.  In other words-- I am not going to be exactly sure where my weight is settling for about a week.
I'm not going to freak out-- I know from my clothes that I am essentially exactly where I've been:
At a place that is better than where I started, but a long stopping place/ plateau and and a place that I want to move on from and lose more weight!

My best bet is be to take my daily weights, continue to eat as carefully as possible and see how it all settles down this week.
In the meantime: I'm taking one day at a time and eliminating 'extras' whenever and whereever I can-- a good strategy right?  I often have 1 drink per day, and I am glad to say that yesterday I skipped the drink! A savings of several hundred calories...

Perhaps I might need to see a nutritionist to help me out with next steps? Not sure... I'm willing to take suggestions and basically know my nutrition very well, but am getting a little mixed up with my band situation.
Well, I'll await your answers and keep taking a problem solving approach to my next steps.

One final reminder to myself: 'tis the season where most people PUT ON 5 pounds' and I certainly don't need that to happen... I'll be avoiding office cakes and pies etc. Bleh!
And, though I do love a glass of wine or a cocktail, perhaps I will try to keep those more limited and see how it all turns out.... we shall see.
The trouble is my conflict between 'life is for living/ enjoy' and 'what's the big deal-- just shun the cocktail!'  Eh.

Gotta take a shower... and get ready for the PIG.

I got on the scale... 162.4

So, I got on the scale yesterday and was at 162.4.
I'm waiting for the dust to settle on water retention from the flight and the trip-- and didn't do myself a big favor by having a dirty martini with dinner last night-- but hey.

I was at 161.ish (I don't have my weight diary right in front of me) before I left, so I will take this as a victory.  I would be really worried if I had seen a number over 163... but a pound or two is water retention in my book.

Now, the work comes in of making my new fill level my good friend.
Right now, I would say I am on the looser end of things-- but definitely have restriction and some appetite control.

Ideally: I would like to stay right where I am at this adjustment and take it for a good ride.
Of course: If I find that I am putting on any weight, back to the doctor's office I will go.

On the other hand, if I find myself continuing to be stuck at this weight-- I am not planning to run in for a fill right away.  I think that has been my mistake in the past several months, and has resulted in the circular pattern of fill-too tight-frustration, a bit of weight loss-unfill-regain etc.
I need to give myself at least 8 to 12 weeks (as long as I'm hovering in the same weight) to see what I can do using my band as my tool to help me.

That means observing what I'm eating, trying to break through habits that aren't helpful and getting to a new place.  Adding exercise whenever I can do it.

I will go back to basics as much as possible-- review my following of the rules of the band etc etc.
I plan to take a student's approach to the next phase.
Trying things out to see if anything flies, this instead of just going in for an adjustment (as I said, provided that I am not GAINING weight.)

Here was the first experiment:
I decided to take the FULL pill of phentermine yesterday and WHEW, that shit is serious.  I felt really jacked up, but I didn't find that it completely took my hunger away.  And where it really failed me was that I ate a bunch of calories in the evening-- just as I would have typically done without the diet pill.
This in the context of feeling revved up and kind of icky.  I am doubting the phen is for me... check this out.
Here is my honest account of what I ate yesterday:

Wake up:
Coffee
On way to work:
Small Dunkin Donuts latte with whole milk (150)
Mid morning:
Homemade smoothie w/ 1/2 2% fage greek yogurt, diced peaches, peanut butter powder (200)
Mid afternoon:
1 protein bar (190)
HOME FROM WORK, after 7pm:
Dinner
1/3 cup homemade bolognese sauce (250)
1 oz cheddar cheese (120)
pirates' booty cheese curls (two large handfuls) (200)
1 dirty martini (olive brine, no olives) (200)
Dessert
1 whole graham cracker sheet (120 cals)
2 ghiradelli chocolate squares ((120 cals)

That's around 1550 calories-- I tried to be generous in my estimates because it is written all over that people generally UNDER estimate their calorie intake.
Nearly 1000 calories AFTER 7pm. Not a good result.
Now, really: that calorie count is just depressing on a day when I took a diet pill.

Makes me think the phentermine may really NOT be worth it-- we shall see. Today I am going to do without it... I am actually feeling 'hungover' in the sense of feeling headachy and slightly tense even upon waking up this morning.
So that's not terribly worth it either.
Hmmmm.

I also know that, as per usual: I took in the bulk of my calories upon returning home from work-- after 7pm.
Argh.
I refuse to be mean to myself--but is it ok to be frustrated with a habitual pattern that is not helping me and wanting to change that pattern. (Yes, it is OK!)

Clearly: there's a lot I can do to improve- but the first step is to acknowledge and then plan ahead.  While I'm at it, I realize that there are no fruits and veggies in this day! Obviously, my best bet for a midday meal is a salad, which works well for me at this fill level-- either that or some roasted vegetables... I just need to plan that into my days better.

Today is a weird day in that I have a b-o-ard mtg that is far from home and spans 'dinner time'- this is a quarterly meeting that goes from 4 to 8 pm and dinner is served... before that, just a typical day at work.
The most important things to do are:
1) Pack a protein bar in the car in case I am unsatisfied with dinner and am hungry on the way home
2) Commit to NO snacking once home tonight (I will get home around 9pm.)

The rest of the day shouldn't be bad-- I typically eat minimally at work, am busy and too wound up to eat... and dinner is my tightest time, so if I avoid the desserts served tonight, I will nibble on dinner (worst place to get stuck is at a mtg like that, ugh!!) and keep my calories down.

I'll report back.. much work to be done to continue down the scale!
Keep watching....

I'm ba-ah-ah-ck! Jamaica rocked! And a non-conclusive comparison shot at the end of the post...

Jamaica was amazing-- great trip.

Haven't gotten on the scale yet, but tried on my clothes, and don't think I did any MAJOR damage.  I indulged, but tried also to be careful and mindful of the fact that I was coming back to my beloved scale...

My adorable little monkey and me

Not the most flattering shot ever... but: pre-band weight loss, you wouldn't have caught me dead posing for a picture like this and being more or less satisfied with the results. What a crap angle!!

The picture on the left (longer shot) is from March/ April 2011 and the one on the right (shorter shot of my torso) is from this vacation.

I see no real difference... the weight loss from April 2011 to now is not very large-- maybe 5 pounds (because of all of my bouncing up and down of late, especially.) But I'll take a slight NSV that I look about the same... can't say I would have maintained a weight loss of 40 pounds over the course of 9 months pre-band.

Viva la band difference!!

More later or tomorrow on band eating on vacation... 

Tired..... going on vacay

Sorry I am SOOOOOO boring these days.
Good news: the band is much better, much looser-- hunger control is there.

Bad news: I've been so wound up in PIG stuff, my eating choices have been weird and salty. So my weight today is at 162-- but I know that eating olives with dinner isn't helping that action at all.

I am pretty certain that after I get back from vacation, I will be able to buckle myself down and pull off the water weight-- suspecting that I am at 159ish right now, and I'm not playing with myself.  I just haven't been eating enough to continue to maintain the same weight: but I have eaten olives (as I said above) 2 times in 2 days, and I don't throw off water like I used to.

Leaving for vacation for a week in just 2 short sleeps (yay!!) and I anticipate that while there will be a lot of food there, I'll be able to be in control thx to the band.  I am not going to expect myself to lose weight while there, just maintaining will be fine and then I can really and truly get myself organized on a good plan when I get home.
That is because I can eat the right foods again!

Yipee.
As I said, I am pretty boring right now. Ah: here is a zinger for you-- I've been courted by a hospital in Du*bai for a pretty major position.  This is a crazy long shot, and I'm actually just putting it out there for all to see b/c it's a free country, who is really looking, and so what-- people are constantly contacted by recruiters.
Very interesting stuff ... and unlikely but can you imagine... Du*bai??? That's all for now...