I can never figure out what to title my posts, so I've officially given up-- instead, I write the post and then whatever comes out of my brain onto the page informs the title.
Just sayin'- because I don't exactly know where to begin with this one.
My mom has finally had the other shoe drop: she received the diagnosis of type II diabetes (she is overweight.) I don't even know how overweight, but I'd guess she could probably lose around 50 to 70 pounds. She is shorter than me and built differently-- the classic diabetic apple shape.
If I started this journey out at an all time high of 203, I have to guess that she must be in the general ballpark of 180 to 200 pounds. Perhaps I'm off-- I am kind of curious-- but it doesn't truly matter. She is clearly overweight, with the deadly middle obesity that is so scary.
This seems to have been brewing in the past several years, with some slightly off blood sugar tests (she sees her very attentive internist yearly)-- but she has always escaped the diagnosis until now. The thing that scares me is her complacence with the diagnosis. She is 'upset' but she is 'handling it really well' and should be 'commended' on not having a freak out about it. Yeah? I'm not so sure that a good old freak out wouldn't be just what the doctor ordered at this point.
Yes, of course she is saying she'll go on a diet-- she called in a nutritionist and will be seeing that person tomorrow. But when I suggested that she also get an exercise trainer (money is not an issue)-- she totally refused. Bad, bad sign. Don't get me wrong: she is saying she'll begin walking again (she has done over the course of the past few years)-- but dear, I don't think that's enough. If she had a trainer coming 3 times per week, which she can AFFORD if she would just spend the goddamn money on herself, she would have no excuses and nowhere to hide. She needs a village to get her weight off.
Sadly, I don't see her making enough of a change to be able to get things together and turn this diagnosis around by herself. Very worrying.
Of course: I've been speaking to her about the lap band-- and for the first time, she and my dad were somewhat willing to consider it as an option. However: my mom is 67 years old, so I don't know if banding is necessarily an option for her-- I wish that this scare would really shake her to the core and get her moving so that she can lose a bunch of weight and get away from the diabetes diagnosis. Then she will have time to think-- but the bottom line is that there is NO time to think this through-- she MUST lose some weight, and she agrees and so does my entire family.
The trouble is that my mother is in total denial of her overeating. And just like me: she does not like to ask for help. It is considered shameful and bad. I don't even know what she is doing and what she is eating exactly-- I can only tell you that when I sit with her at the dinner table, sometimes she'll just reach over and grab stuff off of my plate (she does this to my father too.) It drives me bats and I am pretty sure it is one of many ways that she denies how much she is truly eating. I've seen her do other things that scare me too-- like taking spoonfuls of salad dressing (?) and stuff. Fortunately: she's not a drinker--so she doesn't have those calories to combat-- but maybe that's unfortunate? It would be an easy thing to give up. I am not trying to be mean about my mother-- in many ways: she is really my best girlfriend. I talk to her virtually every day and she is lively and fun. But her weight is scaring me and making me mad too.
I want her to get very serious (I know she is serious...) in the way that I did when I decided to get the lap band. I remember it clearly: It was like a mourning period that lasted for about a week before I actually saw Dr. Ren-- I cried repeatedly about the anguish I felt about my situation and how I needed more help than I had accessed before. I cried with shame about having to see weight loss surgeon-- of course I was scared. But damn, I was ready-- and the sadness, shame and fear of getting into all sorts of health issues pushed me hard enough to do the impossible: seek the advice of a weight loss surgeon. My mom is not there yet, but I really wish she would agree to see a weight loss surgeon and see if banding is even an option at her age.
Her internist is against banding for her. He is also MY internist, and he was very PRO-banding for me-- so, it is not a prejudice he has against banding persay. His opinion is that the mortality risk in her age group for banding is very high. He may be right, I'll research this myself. But I also think that our internist is a bit of a diet proponent who believes that if we all just had the willpower, we could do it on our own (which would conceivably could-- it's the maintaining that's the bugaboo.)
Before I get into that whole debate-- I will just say this, because I believe it to be true: if I'd learned that I had Diabetes or some serious weight related health condition and banding wasn't an option for me: I am CERTAIN I would have been able to take off the weight on my own. There you have it, skeptics. An admission that I could do this all by myself without the band.
That being said: I am also certain that I'd have lost 50 or 60 pounds and then would have slowly (or even quickly ) put the weight back on and found myself back in the same trouble just a few years down the line. The banding difference, for me, is the slow, steady victory over the diet wars.
For my mom-- it is just different-- I want her to live to 179 years old or even older, but let's face it: we have a human lifespan of less than 100 years-- and I want my mom to be around for the next 20 some odd years and in good mind, body and spirit. I know that if she loses weight now, on her own, without surgery, she may have a different and more fighting chance of keeping her weight down. As we age, we do lose some appetite and zest for eating-- so she has an opportunity to change her life and have a great 20 next years. I suppose what I'm saying here is that I am totally supportive of my mom-- but I would really want to see her do this without a dangerous surgery that she is not in optimal health to have. That is not to say that I'm not a band proponent-- it is just that she can start losing weight this instant, and that is what she truly needs to do. I want her pancreas to start working again, and the only way that's gonna happen is if she gets moving, gets real about what she's eating and changes it, and gets truly energized that she can DO THIS.
I hope I don't sound like a hypocrit... I fear that I may sound like one about the band for my mom. I will end by saying that I truly do not want to be responsible for having encouraged her to have the band and then having the band surgery wind up terribly or hurt her badly (stroke, etc.) If she were my sister and she were 50, I'd say 'hell to the yes' to WLS. But right now: I am really hoping and praying she'll find her way to weight without the band. She's not ready for that kind of a commitment anyway: she's going to give the lifestyle changes a good solid chance first. Go mom.
good ole ticker...
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Bloggy navel gazing
I'm not surprised, my weight is at 171.8-- I was wondering if it would be higher, since yesterday I did some stress eating. I believe that I am more AWARE of the stress eating, so even though I haven't yet worked out how to stop it in the moment-- today I'll be more careful to plan.
The problem was a 3 hour meeting at the PIG. Ugh. Who holds a 3 hour meeting? Not an effective 'person in charge'-- I cannot think of a good reason to have 12 adults sit around a table for that long, listening to reports that don't apply to them-- except for vanity and stupidity. I cannot wait to move on and it has only be three months.
I know that complaining is part of my 'stress drug' so I don't want to whip myself up into a frenzy about it, but I really hate the PIG and the head PIG. Ugh, double and triple ugh. And now I am working on a major project that will be $4 million of revenue if achieved, and I a burned out and don't even want to deal with it. Little irritants are a constant at the PIG. I can't count them all and I must simply expect them until I can laugh my way out the door... until then: serenity now!!
It is nearing that TOM, right in time for my birthday-- whoopee!!-- and so I have some of that familiar stupid ovarian cramping too. Absolutely lovely.
One parting thought: I have noticed less comments on my blog in the past few days... and it is really a bit 'demotivating' on some level. That is not a guilt trip-- just an observation. It made me wonder whether I am blogging for attention or for myself or what? My determination is that it is a totally mixed bag.
The good news is that I blog for myself, so if I receive very few comments, I will still blog (I'll also up my own commenting, because I do think it helps if you give to others via comments... )
The bad news is that I do find it exciting to know that people are reading my thoughts and responding.
I guess that's the vain part of my intellect.
However: I'm not so vain as to care very deeply to TRY to get followers- I just haven't tried: I welcome followers and comments, but I haven't put a concerted effort to up my numbers. They have gradually increased over time, which I think is a natural progression. But that increase is probably related to my consistent blogging and adding my own new followings.
Well: I think I'll go off and do some good commenting now-- I really do owe y'all a bunch of responses anyway-- and as I said, I think it is important to give back (and also be aware of the experiences of others in order to learn and grow.)
Ciao.
The problem was a 3 hour meeting at the PIG. Ugh. Who holds a 3 hour meeting? Not an effective 'person in charge'-- I cannot think of a good reason to have 12 adults sit around a table for that long, listening to reports that don't apply to them-- except for vanity and stupidity. I cannot wait to move on and it has only be three months.
I know that complaining is part of my 'stress drug' so I don't want to whip myself up into a frenzy about it, but I really hate the PIG and the head PIG. Ugh, double and triple ugh. And now I am working on a major project that will be $4 million of revenue if achieved, and I a burned out and don't even want to deal with it. Little irritants are a constant at the PIG. I can't count them all and I must simply expect them until I can laugh my way out the door... until then: serenity now!!
It is nearing that TOM, right in time for my birthday-- whoopee!!-- and so I have some of that familiar stupid ovarian cramping too. Absolutely lovely.
One parting thought: I have noticed less comments on my blog in the past few days... and it is really a bit 'demotivating' on some level. That is not a guilt trip-- just an observation. It made me wonder whether I am blogging for attention or for myself or what? My determination is that it is a totally mixed bag.
The good news is that I blog for myself, so if I receive very few comments, I will still blog (I'll also up my own commenting, because I do think it helps if you give to others via comments... )
The bad news is that I do find it exciting to know that people are reading my thoughts and responding.
I guess that's the vain part of my intellect.
However: I'm not so vain as to care very deeply to TRY to get followers- I just haven't tried: I welcome followers and comments, but I haven't put a concerted effort to up my numbers. They have gradually increased over time, which I think is a natural progression. But that increase is probably related to my consistent blogging and adding my own new followings.
Well: I think I'll go off and do some good commenting now-- I really do owe y'all a bunch of responses anyway-- and as I said, I think it is important to give back (and also be aware of the experiences of others in order to learn and grow.)
Ciao.
Monday, September 27, 2010
I totally want more BOOBS pictures!!
Thanks to all who have shared their BOOBS pictures-- but I am hungry for more (so to speak.) Looks like it was great fun and perhaps I'll be able to make it if there is another gathering next year. I am so damn impressed with the planning that went into it.
My weight this morning: 171.9.
So: I'm getting very close to the birthday and it doesn't necessarily look like I'll be cracking the 160's by then... I've still got a few days, and we shall see. It really is OK with me, as long as I am trending downward, and according to my review of my weight: that's what is happening.
You're probably pretty bored with me if you come to my blog hoping for some sort of dramatic and quick success story. My story is more of the turtle type weight loss variety. I continue to move steadily along, almost imperceptibly making progress-- but when you turn around after a few months-- voila: I've made a difference!! It's so good. I am really, really happy.
I've never been this patient with weight loss in my life; in the past, I absolutely would have torn my HAIR OUT from the slow pace with which I am losing right now. But this time is truly different because I have the confidence to continue. I've never seen such sustained and consistent success over such a long period. Looking back, I've been on the 'lap band plan' since the end of December 2009. I had surgery January 4th, 2010. That's in the neighborhood of 8 to 9 months-- depending on how you parse it. Never in my past did I EVER stick with a plan for this long.
I have to say that this really isn't a 'plan,' though, and anyone who has a band can probably relate. I'm not following a prescribed diet. I'm just working on making healthy choices and feeding my body right-- and the band is guiding me (and forcing me sometimes) to eat a lot less.
A perfect for instance: last evening, hubs and I ordered dinner in from a new Italian place nearby. (My son requested 'Spaghetti Tacos' for dinner-- a la "iCarly," for anyone who has contact with hip tweens or 6 year olds , like mine, who love Nickelodeon.) I really don't know why the hell I ordered my own meal-- with the exception of the fact that I wanted something other than what hubs ate. I had about 4 bites of the chicken francese that I ordered, and 1 stuffed mushroom. (No, this was not the healthiest of healthy meals, where were the vegetables???)....
I think I need to rethink ordering in-- it is a waste for me to order my own food: I could just pick off of hubs food (I mean: I'd get my own plate- how annoying is it when someone picks at your food???) I do this some of the time, but it is wholly unrealistic and wasteful for me ever to get my own stuff. Nine tenths goes in the fridge and we'll lucky if anyone eats it.
Yeah: well, on other related fronts-- band tightness report. I believe that my band has been loosening up to more reasonably levels in the past week. Happiness!! That doesn't mean I'm not still pretty dang tight-I still am... but it is just getting easier and I have dramatically cut back on episodes of 'sliming' (blech.)
For any baby bandsters or people considering the band: I was SURE that I would NEVER have any side effects before I got the band. I was convinced that I would be a 'good' bandster and never wind up with any issues. But guess what: shit happens. I am pretty alert, sometimes better than others, but occasionally, I'll choose something that gets stuck or that requires more chewing than I imagined... voila: sliming and even PB'ing (regurgitation.)
Do I enjoy it when this happens? Of course not-- but they are little annoyances, and the side effects are reminders to me to shore up my excellent habits:
Eat slowly
Wait between bites
Don't drink while eating
Chew ALOT, and then chew some more if you can stand it!
Don't eat too much.
This is actually excellent advice for someone without a band too-- you don't necessarily need to have the surgery to do these behaviors. The surgery programs in consistency and frankly, negative behavioral conditioning, if you DON'T.
But the above are totally rules to live by for anyone trying to maintain or lose weight-- it simply works to go slow, chew a lot, NOT wash your food down with liquid (because it just pushes it out of your tummy faster and leaves you hungry,) and above all: don't eat too much!!
Don't fret if you're considering the band and reading this-- I think it is a wonderful tool for someone who has tried everything 90 times and failed (hi!) Neither Dr. Ren, nor I, nor any good surgeon worth her salt will recommend a lap band until you've exhausted conservative options-- that is just stupid. But it is such a relief end the diet wars for me.
Back to the daily grind...
My weight this morning: 171.9.
So: I'm getting very close to the birthday and it doesn't necessarily look like I'll be cracking the 160's by then... I've still got a few days, and we shall see. It really is OK with me, as long as I am trending downward, and according to my review of my weight: that's what is happening.
You're probably pretty bored with me if you come to my blog hoping for some sort of dramatic and quick success story. My story is more of the turtle type weight loss variety. I continue to move steadily along, almost imperceptibly making progress-- but when you turn around after a few months-- voila: I've made a difference!! It's so good. I am really, really happy.
I've never been this patient with weight loss in my life; in the past, I absolutely would have torn my HAIR OUT from the slow pace with which I am losing right now. But this time is truly different because I have the confidence to continue. I've never seen such sustained and consistent success over such a long period. Looking back, I've been on the 'lap band plan' since the end of December 2009. I had surgery January 4th, 2010. That's in the neighborhood of 8 to 9 months-- depending on how you parse it. Never in my past did I EVER stick with a plan for this long.
I have to say that this really isn't a 'plan,' though, and anyone who has a band can probably relate. I'm not following a prescribed diet. I'm just working on making healthy choices and feeding my body right-- and the band is guiding me (and forcing me sometimes) to eat a lot less.
A perfect for instance: last evening, hubs and I ordered dinner in from a new Italian place nearby. (My son requested 'Spaghetti Tacos' for dinner-- a la "iCarly," for anyone who has contact with hip tweens or 6 year olds , like mine, who love Nickelodeon.) I really don't know why the hell I ordered my own meal-- with the exception of the fact that I wanted something other than what hubs ate. I had about 4 bites of the chicken francese that I ordered, and 1 stuffed mushroom. (No, this was not the healthiest of healthy meals, where were the vegetables???)....
I think I need to rethink ordering in-- it is a waste for me to order my own food: I could just pick off of hubs food (I mean: I'd get my own plate- how annoying is it when someone picks at your food???) I do this some of the time, but it is wholly unrealistic and wasteful for me ever to get my own stuff. Nine tenths goes in the fridge and we'll lucky if anyone eats it.
Yeah: well, on other related fronts-- band tightness report. I believe that my band has been loosening up to more reasonably levels in the past week. Happiness!! That doesn't mean I'm not still pretty dang tight-I still am... but it is just getting easier and I have dramatically cut back on episodes of 'sliming' (blech.)
For any baby bandsters or people considering the band: I was SURE that I would NEVER have any side effects before I got the band. I was convinced that I would be a 'good' bandster and never wind up with any issues. But guess what: shit happens. I am pretty alert, sometimes better than others, but occasionally, I'll choose something that gets stuck or that requires more chewing than I imagined... voila: sliming and even PB'ing (regurgitation.)
Do I enjoy it when this happens? Of course not-- but they are little annoyances, and the side effects are reminders to me to shore up my excellent habits:
Eat slowly
Wait between bites
Don't drink while eating
Chew ALOT, and then chew some more if you can stand it!
Don't eat too much.
This is actually excellent advice for someone without a band too-- you don't necessarily need to have the surgery to do these behaviors. The surgery programs in consistency and frankly, negative behavioral conditioning, if you DON'T.
But the above are totally rules to live by for anyone trying to maintain or lose weight-- it simply works to go slow, chew a lot, NOT wash your food down with liquid (because it just pushes it out of your tummy faster and leaves you hungry,) and above all: don't eat too much!!
Don't fret if you're considering the band and reading this-- I think it is a wonderful tool for someone who has tried everything 90 times and failed (hi!) Neither Dr. Ren, nor I, nor any good surgeon worth her salt will recommend a lap band until you've exhausted conservative options-- that is just stupid. But it is such a relief end the diet wars for me.
Back to the daily grind...
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Insert title here
Here's a picture of me, hubs and adorable son at the shore last weekend, and we're going back today. Yay!
I love the weekends...
In other news, I'm not going to stop blogging anytime soon. Not like you were asking, or anything-- but I've definitely seen the 'demise' of various bloggers over time-- often when they've been blogging for a while, reached a goal or reached a plateau.
I think that there is really something great to be said for blogging, at least for me.
I go through times (like now) when I can barely find the time to comment on other blogs, and I feel bad about that-- and sometimes I find more time to be supportive. But the bottom line is that it is so great to put feelings out there, and to have accountability of 'putting it in writing.' My blog has had a huge influence in my 'getting back on track' anytime I've gone a little haywire.
Blogging is great like that and I want to encourage all of us to continue to blog! It doesn't have to be a big long post or anything profound-- but put it out there and make yourself accountable. Talk about your journey and if you're done with your journey, talk about the next steps.
In truth: we will never 'escape' our past weight problems, we'll only be able to integrate them and make them a part of our future healthy lifestyle. Giving up blogging, for me, would be a way of rejecting the road that got me to where I am going to be (someday.) So, that, in and of itself, is reason to continue.
By the way: my weight this am-- 172.1.
Definitely a snail's pace-- but I know it is coming down over time, yee-ah.
Anyhow: looking forward to seeing lots of pictures from the glorious Chicago weekend!!!
PS: I love a healthy debate-- and that is why I love Allan from "Almost Gastric Bypass." I know that he has his detractors because he can be painfully honest. But I really do not think Allan is a bully... here is a comment I left him today on his blog, I am posting it here too, because it is meaningful to me personally. And I'll tell ya, Allan makes ME think-- his style works for me. Perhaps it is because Allan and I are birds of a feather.
I love honestly and unvarnished truth-- I HATE indirectness and loathe a back-handed attempt to correct things that are wrong. Just get on with it is what I think.
I know the truth is hard to take, and I know that people say 'you get more bees with honey than vinegar.' I happen to love the Dale Carnegie approach...
Nevertheless-- I believe I am not offended by Allan because his heart and mind are in the right place. I truly believe that he will congratulate each and every one of us when we reach our goal weights-- he wants us all to WIN at this. He just has his own opinions of how to get there and discipline and WLS and the like. Don't we all?
I don't like to punish free speech. And I do not think that the truth Allan tells is like 'yelling fire in a crowded theater,' which, by the way, is where 'free speech' should be limited-- where it is used to incite violence and damage.
You may not agree with me and that's ok. If you don't like it, ignore me, ignore Allan and ignore whomever else is speaking a 'truth' you don't go for. But I would ask yourself-- what is there to be defensive about when Allan (or any other person who disagrees with your approach or challenges you) says what he has to say? That is the question I ask about provocative things that people say-- if I am so provoked, what the hell is going on here? What can I learn?
I should have been a philosopher, I 'spose.
Here is my comment, for what it is worth:
You are most definitely NOT a bully- you're just putting it out there without any varnish. It is just the plain and simple truth.
Truth is hard for a lot of people-- particularly those people who prefer denial. I've been there, in denial, myself, and it is hurtful when someone brings you up short. Perhaps that is why your 'truth telling' is perceived as bullying.
I just love to read your blog-- I find it very motivating- and I know just where to come if I need a reality check too.
I know you can take this also: I disagree with your position about the fact that 'everyone' can lose weight on their own if they just 'try hard enough.' I 'tried hard enough' for about 37 years-- and it never was enough for me to lose weight.
I 'tried hard enough' in my career and family life and that motivation and discipline paid off:
To become a Senior VP in the corporate world, yep. To find the man of my dreams, have a great child, and wonderful relationships-- yep.
To keep working on being happy, satisfied and manage my stress (working on this)-- but essentially -- yep.
Lose weight-- NOPE.
Good for you that you are doing this without surgery. And I appreciate that you think I could have done it too-- perhaps you are right, but I got so demoralized by my failures of 'dieting' in the past, that I reached a point of no return.
Anyway: keep on telling your truth and ignore the detractors. I love the healthy debate and your contribution to it. Those who don't like it should ignore you, not argue with you. They will never win because the viewpoints involved are so vastly different.
Thus endeth daily comment/ rant to Allan! Have a beautiful and healthy day.
DL
I love the weekends...
In other news, I'm not going to stop blogging anytime soon. Not like you were asking, or anything-- but I've definitely seen the 'demise' of various bloggers over time-- often when they've been blogging for a while, reached a goal or reached a plateau.
I think that there is really something great to be said for blogging, at least for me.
I go through times (like now) when I can barely find the time to comment on other blogs, and I feel bad about that-- and sometimes I find more time to be supportive. But the bottom line is that it is so great to put feelings out there, and to have accountability of 'putting it in writing.' My blog has had a huge influence in my 'getting back on track' anytime I've gone a little haywire.
Blogging is great like that and I want to encourage all of us to continue to blog! It doesn't have to be a big long post or anything profound-- but put it out there and make yourself accountable. Talk about your journey and if you're done with your journey, talk about the next steps.
In truth: we will never 'escape' our past weight problems, we'll only be able to integrate them and make them a part of our future healthy lifestyle. Giving up blogging, for me, would be a way of rejecting the road that got me to where I am going to be (someday.) So, that, in and of itself, is reason to continue.
By the way: my weight this am-- 172.1.
Definitely a snail's pace-- but I know it is coming down over time, yee-ah.
Anyhow: looking forward to seeing lots of pictures from the glorious Chicago weekend!!!
PS: I love a healthy debate-- and that is why I love Allan from "Almost Gastric Bypass." I know that he has his detractors because he can be painfully honest. But I really do not think Allan is a bully... here is a comment I left him today on his blog, I am posting it here too, because it is meaningful to me personally. And I'll tell ya, Allan makes ME think-- his style works for me. Perhaps it is because Allan and I are birds of a feather.
I love honestly and unvarnished truth-- I HATE indirectness and loathe a back-handed attempt to correct things that are wrong. Just get on with it is what I think.
I know the truth is hard to take, and I know that people say 'you get more bees with honey than vinegar.' I happen to love the Dale Carnegie approach...
Nevertheless-- I believe I am not offended by Allan because his heart and mind are in the right place. I truly believe that he will congratulate each and every one of us when we reach our goal weights-- he wants us all to WIN at this. He just has his own opinions of how to get there and discipline and WLS and the like. Don't we all?
I don't like to punish free speech. And I do not think that the truth Allan tells is like 'yelling fire in a crowded theater,' which, by the way, is where 'free speech' should be limited-- where it is used to incite violence and damage.
You may not agree with me and that's ok. If you don't like it, ignore me, ignore Allan and ignore whomever else is speaking a 'truth' you don't go for. But I would ask yourself-- what is there to be defensive about when Allan (or any other person who disagrees with your approach or challenges you) says what he has to say? That is the question I ask about provocative things that people say-- if I am so provoked, what the hell is going on here? What can I learn?
I should have been a philosopher, I 'spose.
Here is my comment, for what it is worth:
You are most definitely NOT a bully- you're just putting it out there without any varnish. It is just the plain and simple truth.
Truth is hard for a lot of people-- particularly those people who prefer denial. I've been there, in denial, myself, and it is hurtful when someone brings you up short. Perhaps that is why your 'truth telling' is perceived as bullying.
I just love to read your blog-- I find it very motivating- and I know just where to come if I need a reality check too.
I know you can take this also: I disagree with your position about the fact that 'everyone' can lose weight on their own if they just 'try hard enough.' I 'tried hard enough' for about 37 years-- and it never was enough for me to lose weight.
I 'tried hard enough' in my career and family life and that motivation and discipline paid off:
To become a Senior VP in the corporate world, yep. To find the man of my dreams, have a great child, and wonderful relationships-- yep.
To keep working on being happy, satisfied and manage my stress (working on this)-- but essentially -- yep.
Lose weight-- NOPE.
Good for you that you are doing this without surgery. And I appreciate that you think I could have done it too-- perhaps you are right, but I got so demoralized by my failures of 'dieting' in the past, that I reached a point of no return.
Anyway: keep on telling your truth and ignore the detractors. I love the healthy debate and your contribution to it. Those who don't like it should ignore you, not argue with you. They will never win because the viewpoints involved are so vastly different.
Thus endeth daily comment/ rant to Allan! Have a beautiful and healthy day.
DL
Friday, September 24, 2010
Y'all have a great time, ya hear?
Have a wonderful time, all of you BOOBS out there in Chi-town, or those who are traveling there this weekend. Sorry I will miss you-- it would have been something very special to meet so many bandsters all at the same time and share stories and just, well, meet you all!!
I cannot WAIT to see the pictures-- I hope at least some of you will remember us souls who stayed home and post some mobile picture love.
In any case: I am back on the straight and narrow, with my weight coming down to a new low: 171.7. Yeah: it creeps down the scale alrighty. But I am very glad to repeat that once I realize I've gone a bit haywire, I reel it right back in and get into control of myself-- but I just don't put myself on an unrealistic diet.
I have to admit that I am a bit obsessed with band detractors-- with Allan leading the pack. I am really not angry at anyone about it-- in fact, I have a lot of support and genuine respect to give to anyone trying to lose weight. But it does really strike me how wrongly people who do not have weight loss surgery often portray weight loss surgery, as a choice and as a solution to a very serious problem.
Allan can take it, but I really don't mean to pick on him. I tend to read the most detraction (so to speak) on his blog or in his blog comments. I can't help but wonder if there is some level of wishing that there were an easier way out for Allan (and maybe the others) who detract the weight loss surgery-- and who say the 'banditos' aren't 'doing it the right way.'
I got to thinking about my recent 'lapse'-- which was all of a short few days, and resulted in no permanent weight gain. Yes: I suppose it resulted in me losing a few days of losing a few ounces-- but is that what life is really about? I can tell you that for me the answer is a very emphatic 'NO.' I know that I am going to lose weight slowly and steadily until I am at a healthier BMI-- I know this because I am doing it and I keep doing it.
So, I'm here to write a bit about choices of what we eat as bandsters. I, myself, as a researching bandster leading up to weight loss surgery, was shocked and dismayed at times when I read the blogs of those who had already been banded. What? You had Mexican food/ Burgers and Fries/ Candy/ Cake???? What the hell: you're supposed to be ON A DIET and LOSING WEIGHT, I would think to myself in very strong and harsh judgment of those bandsters who came before me.
That all changed when I got my own band and I got REAL about the band and what it does for those of us who have struggled so long and so brutally with our weight. I realized, ya know what? it is OK to eat some burger and fries, or some chicken nuggets, or some creamed spinach (a personal fave of mine.) And it is OK to eat some candy-- even candy EVERY DAY -- as long as the general movement is in the direction of healthy eating.
I am NOT making up the rules, I am following them as my very renowned SURGEON, Dr. Christine Ren, tells me to follow them. I have not adulterated her advice at all-- she told me that I could have chocolate EVERY DAY if that is what I want. This is the truth-- and anyone who would claim I'm a liar or hearing things has an agenda to prove something that I just don't even understand.
You see: a really good band surgeon is out there trying to help a bandster get her life BACK, not to take her 'food life' away and change her entirely. That is the 'magic' of the band: you just CAN'T eat too much if you are following the rules and listening to your body's signals.
That is NOT to say that I never 'slime' or have 'regurgitation/ PB's'-- yeah: it happens. Especially in the context of a tighter adjustment. But I for one never try to 'challenge' the band to see how much I can get away with-- that is just patently RIDICULOUS. Instead: I try to live my life, use my band safely and effectively and listen to my body. It is a learning curve, but it also never ends. The band can be mercurial, tighter one day than another or looser-- you've just got to roll with the punches and get used to being tentative about eating. And: glory be-- you need to SLOW the hell down, chew your food, and eat smaller portions. Does this sound familiar? Yep: it sounds kind of like a diet.
But it is the best diet I've ever been on because I get to choose WHAT to eat and I have a very special bit of help to stop me from falling backwards for long periods into bad habits.
I guess I'm ranting a bit-- because the true experts in the band are the surgeons and the patients, not those who look from the outside in and judge us. I am really not angry, just passionately opposed to the notion that if someone suffers some side effects of the band, while doing otherwise very well-- that they are somehow cheating, a bad person, not using their band as they 'ought to' or bulimic, for God's sake.
I was there in the '80's too, and my sister even had a bout of bulimia-- so I know all about it. I am NO bulimic... I don't WANT to regurgitate-- it is a BAD indicator that I've eaten too fast, too much, or that the food I've eaten is too sticky and gunky to get through the smaller opening made by the band to my stomach. While they certainly may be out there-- I have NO personal knowledge of any bandsters who are deliberately going out, eating too much, vomiting on purpose and eating some more, that is just ridiculous.
I think I'm done now-- just had to say these things-- but I will say that I applaud each and every one of us who walks the daily walk down the scale. The point isn't to be perfect or to depriving, the point is to LIVE. Now, let the endless debate rage on-- we'll never agree, so we'll all have to play out getting into our skinny jeans in our own way.
I, for one, am very pleased with my progress- and while I am not there yet, I am so much better than where I was and so much more confident here in Dinnerland. Remember: 'here: the food war is over.'
I cannot WAIT to see the pictures-- I hope at least some of you will remember us souls who stayed home and post some mobile picture love.
In any case: I am back on the straight and narrow, with my weight coming down to a new low: 171.7. Yeah: it creeps down the scale alrighty. But I am very glad to repeat that once I realize I've gone a bit haywire, I reel it right back in and get into control of myself-- but I just don't put myself on an unrealistic diet.
I have to admit that I am a bit obsessed with band detractors-- with Allan leading the pack. I am really not angry at anyone about it-- in fact, I have a lot of support and genuine respect to give to anyone trying to lose weight. But it does really strike me how wrongly people who do not have weight loss surgery often portray weight loss surgery, as a choice and as a solution to a very serious problem.
Allan can take it, but I really don't mean to pick on him. I tend to read the most detraction (so to speak) on his blog or in his blog comments. I can't help but wonder if there is some level of wishing that there were an easier way out for Allan (and maybe the others) who detract the weight loss surgery-- and who say the 'banditos' aren't 'doing it the right way.'
I got to thinking about my recent 'lapse'-- which was all of a short few days, and resulted in no permanent weight gain. Yes: I suppose it resulted in me losing a few days of losing a few ounces-- but is that what life is really about? I can tell you that for me the answer is a very emphatic 'NO.' I know that I am going to lose weight slowly and steadily until I am at a healthier BMI-- I know this because I am doing it and I keep doing it.
So, I'm here to write a bit about choices of what we eat as bandsters. I, myself, as a researching bandster leading up to weight loss surgery, was shocked and dismayed at times when I read the blogs of those who had already been banded. What? You had Mexican food/ Burgers and Fries/ Candy/ Cake???? What the hell: you're supposed to be ON A DIET and LOSING WEIGHT, I would think to myself in very strong and harsh judgment of those bandsters who came before me.
That all changed when I got my own band and I got REAL about the band and what it does for those of us who have struggled so long and so brutally with our weight. I realized, ya know what? it is OK to eat some burger and fries, or some chicken nuggets, or some creamed spinach (a personal fave of mine.) And it is OK to eat some candy-- even candy EVERY DAY -- as long as the general movement is in the direction of healthy eating.
I am NOT making up the rules, I am following them as my very renowned SURGEON, Dr. Christine Ren, tells me to follow them. I have not adulterated her advice at all-- she told me that I could have chocolate EVERY DAY if that is what I want. This is the truth-- and anyone who would claim I'm a liar or hearing things has an agenda to prove something that I just don't even understand.
You see: a really good band surgeon is out there trying to help a bandster get her life BACK, not to take her 'food life' away and change her entirely. That is the 'magic' of the band: you just CAN'T eat too much if you are following the rules and listening to your body's signals.
That is NOT to say that I never 'slime' or have 'regurgitation/ PB's'-- yeah: it happens. Especially in the context of a tighter adjustment. But I for one never try to 'challenge' the band to see how much I can get away with-- that is just patently RIDICULOUS. Instead: I try to live my life, use my band safely and effectively and listen to my body. It is a learning curve, but it also never ends. The band can be mercurial, tighter one day than another or looser-- you've just got to roll with the punches and get used to being tentative about eating. And: glory be-- you need to SLOW the hell down, chew your food, and eat smaller portions. Does this sound familiar? Yep: it sounds kind of like a diet.
But it is the best diet I've ever been on because I get to choose WHAT to eat and I have a very special bit of help to stop me from falling backwards for long periods into bad habits.
I guess I'm ranting a bit-- because the true experts in the band are the surgeons and the patients, not those who look from the outside in and judge us. I am really not angry, just passionately opposed to the notion that if someone suffers some side effects of the band, while doing otherwise very well-- that they are somehow cheating, a bad person, not using their band as they 'ought to' or bulimic, for God's sake.
I was there in the '80's too, and my sister even had a bout of bulimia-- so I know all about it. I am NO bulimic... I don't WANT to regurgitate-- it is a BAD indicator that I've eaten too fast, too much, or that the food I've eaten is too sticky and gunky to get through the smaller opening made by the band to my stomach. While they certainly may be out there-- I have NO personal knowledge of any bandsters who are deliberately going out, eating too much, vomiting on purpose and eating some more, that is just ridiculous.
I think I'm done now-- just had to say these things-- but I will say that I applaud each and every one of us who walks the daily walk down the scale. The point isn't to be perfect or to depriving, the point is to LIVE. Now, let the endless debate rage on-- we'll never agree, so we'll all have to play out getting into our skinny jeans in our own way.
I, for one, am very pleased with my progress- and while I am not there yet, I am so much better than where I was and so much more confident here in Dinnerland. Remember: 'here: the food war is over.'
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Fessing up... again
I've been here before, and I'm here again: confession time. (?)
Question mark because is it really a confession if I am not a criminal and I am not doing something SO terrible? I suppose a confession is when you come forward from the darkness and say what hasn't been said.
What I haven't said lately or at least this week: I have not been a band rock star. Bless me band mother, I have sinned. It has been 5 minutes since I got on the scale, and the scale said 173.8. I ate some high sodium stuff yesterday, very close to bedtime, so this could be 'water retention.' I hope so.
(I got home very late from a Board meeting, my first one ever, kind of cool) -- so I give myself today to right my weight, but tomorrow, if my weight is not closer to my ticker weight of 171.9, I am going to change my ticker to accurately reflect my weight range.)
Rats.
It's not as though I haven't been showing the signs of needing a bit of a tune up-- eating the desserts (as I admitted in my post yesterday) and generally having a 'bad girl' out of control weekend. But now it is time to get back into proper control-- and I am very glad that my trusty band is there and it is pretty dang tight too. (It seems to be giving a little now, but I imagine that I could wind up with a tiny unfill when I go to my next appointment in October. As I keep saying: my pills and liquids go down just fine, and if I chew very well, take small portions and stay present-- I am really OK with my eating. I've determined that I am probably in the dark green to light red zone. It would be better if I were slightly looser, I might be able to get more solid proteins in with less trouble and would maybe lose weight faster-- but I can't be bothered to get back to the doctor-- so it is obviously not urgent. BUT, I've digressed for a change.)
If you know me and my blog-- you can probably picture what's coming next: A PLAN. Yes, I need a simple plan to get myself back on track and in control-- and I am about to make one now, here goes:
1) Log ALL food today and report it on my blog-- no excuses, no cheating/ no hedging!
2) Focus on water consumption-- work towards 64 oz while at work (a big challenge, but I can do this!)
3) Focus on solid proteins, have eggs for breakfast, always a super winner for me-- and figure out a solid protein for middday.
4) Talk to hubs about getting fish for dinner (yummy and perfect protein for moi.)
5) Dessert IS allowed-- up to 2 Ghiradelli chocolate squares (120 calories)
I know I can do this-- it is not so hard to get into control at all-- in fact: I'm looking forward to it.
Cheers everyone.
Food log for 9/22/10:
6:20am-- white coffee, water
8:56am-- 16 oz crystal light/ white coffee
11:15--12 noon-- 1 mozzarella stick (was eating this for a while, a few bites at a time)/ crystal light
1PM-- Campells 'Soup at hand' 70 calories
Question mark because is it really a confession if I am not a criminal and I am not doing something SO terrible? I suppose a confession is when you come forward from the darkness and say what hasn't been said.
What I haven't said lately or at least this week: I have not been a band rock star. Bless me band mother, I have sinned. It has been 5 minutes since I got on the scale, and the scale said 173.8. I ate some high sodium stuff yesterday, very close to bedtime, so this could be 'water retention.' I hope so.
(I got home very late from a Board meeting, my first one ever, kind of cool) -- so I give myself today to right my weight, but tomorrow, if my weight is not closer to my ticker weight of 171.9, I am going to change my ticker to accurately reflect my weight range.)
Rats.
It's not as though I haven't been showing the signs of needing a bit of a tune up-- eating the desserts (as I admitted in my post yesterday) and generally having a 'bad girl' out of control weekend. But now it is time to get back into proper control-- and I am very glad that my trusty band is there and it is pretty dang tight too. (It seems to be giving a little now, but I imagine that I could wind up with a tiny unfill when I go to my next appointment in October. As I keep saying: my pills and liquids go down just fine, and if I chew very well, take small portions and stay present-- I am really OK with my eating. I've determined that I am probably in the dark green to light red zone. It would be better if I were slightly looser, I might be able to get more solid proteins in with less trouble and would maybe lose weight faster-- but I can't be bothered to get back to the doctor-- so it is obviously not urgent. BUT, I've digressed for a change.)
If you know me and my blog-- you can probably picture what's coming next: A PLAN. Yes, I need a simple plan to get myself back on track and in control-- and I am about to make one now, here goes:
1) Log ALL food today and report it on my blog-- no excuses, no cheating/ no hedging!
2) Focus on water consumption-- work towards 64 oz while at work (a big challenge, but I can do this!)
3) Focus on solid proteins, have eggs for breakfast, always a super winner for me-- and figure out a solid protein for middday.
4) Talk to hubs about getting fish for dinner (yummy and perfect protein for moi.)
5) Dessert IS allowed-- up to 2 Ghiradelli chocolate squares (120 calories)
I know I can do this-- it is not so hard to get into control at all-- in fact: I'm looking forward to it.
Cheers everyone.
Food log for 9/22/10:
6:20am-- white coffee, water
8:56am-- 16 oz crystal light/ white coffee
11:15--12 noon-- 1 mozzarella stick (was eating this for a while, a few bites at a time)/ crystal light
1PM-- Campells 'Soup at hand' 70 calories
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Band tightness-- the rash!
It seems that there is some sort of 'band tightness disease' (just kidding) going around in our community! Every other blog I read is about tight band this, unfill that. Oy.
I totally get it and have been struggling myself with this predicament. It is really hard to say, sometimes, what is too tight and what is right etc. My mom has called it 'Goldilocks band syndrome' more or less, and she is correct. There is a small window where you find the perfect fit. But often, we have to live in the range of not tight enough or too tight until it all gets sorted.
I know that it is dangerous and counterproductive to be too tight-- but are you too tight if you follow all the rules and don't have a problem-- but if you DON'T follow the rules, you DO have problems?
I am talking about me, y'all.
I am not completely blaming myself, but I am taking responsiblity where my responsiblities lie. If I eat mushier foods, and I chew alot-- or even if I eat harder foods that are worse with the band and CHEW ALOT and go slow, I really do OK. It is the times when I get way too hungry or irritable and try to eat too quickly or not chew enough where I run into issues.
I really feel in control of many of the issues. Now: maybe my band is beginning to loosen? ?? Or maybe I am getting used to the tightness and making mushier choices?
I really cannot say.
One negative thing that I am doing and I am admitting it right here is that I am slowing my weight loss with desserts every day. Is this the right thing to do? No, of course not, before anyone jumps all over my head (Hi Allan!) I am 'not taking optimal advantage of the band' when I do the dessert thing DAILY.
I think there is a reasonable limit-- like maybe a 60 calorie Ghiradelli chocolate square.. but I would like to find that, instead of allowing my feelings of frustration to spill over into letting me have 2 cookies each night (or more.) I should congratulate myself that I stopped myself from eating any of the cookies or brownies or treats at our "Back to School" night last evening when we went to our son's school for parent orientation.
Good for me! I didn't want to spoil my dinner with sugar.
I totally get it and have been struggling myself with this predicament. It is really hard to say, sometimes, what is too tight and what is right etc. My mom has called it 'Goldilocks band syndrome' more or less, and she is correct. There is a small window where you find the perfect fit. But often, we have to live in the range of not tight enough or too tight until it all gets sorted.
I know that it is dangerous and counterproductive to be too tight-- but are you too tight if you follow all the rules and don't have a problem-- but if you DON'T follow the rules, you DO have problems?
I am talking about me, y'all.
I am not completely blaming myself, but I am taking responsiblity where my responsiblities lie. If I eat mushier foods, and I chew alot-- or even if I eat harder foods that are worse with the band and CHEW ALOT and go slow, I really do OK. It is the times when I get way too hungry or irritable and try to eat too quickly or not chew enough where I run into issues.
I really feel in control of many of the issues. Now: maybe my band is beginning to loosen? ?? Or maybe I am getting used to the tightness and making mushier choices?
I really cannot say.
One negative thing that I am doing and I am admitting it right here is that I am slowing my weight loss with desserts every day. Is this the right thing to do? No, of course not, before anyone jumps all over my head (Hi Allan!) I am 'not taking optimal advantage of the band' when I do the dessert thing DAILY.
I think there is a reasonable limit-- like maybe a 60 calorie Ghiradelli chocolate square.. but I would like to find that, instead of allowing my feelings of frustration to spill over into letting me have 2 cookies each night (or more.) I should congratulate myself that I stopped myself from eating any of the cookies or brownies or treats at our "Back to School" night last evening when we went to our son's school for parent orientation.
Good for me! I didn't want to spoil my dinner with sugar.
Monday, September 20, 2010
I mean it about stress management!
I'm definitely doing better in the realm of stress management-- um, except that I ate like a little piggy this weekend. So, I guess I have some work to do in the stress eating range. I didn't feel stressed, except when I was having occasional band issues. I've noticed that the tightness of my band is easing up to some extent, but I still need to be very careful.
I have another appointment scheduled with the surgeon's practice in mid-October, so we'll see what happens, I've appreciated all of your concern and comments about the tightness. Great advice! I do seem to have a little rule for myself which is pretty simple: if pills and liquids go down, I am OK. Eating and hunger are not an emergency, and frankly: my issues with the band are not really even coming from 'hunger' per say (at least I don't think.) I don't find myself so HUNGRY very often. It is more frustration and a desire to eat. Do you know what I mean?
If I've learned anything from this journey with the band it is that I am absolutely NOT unique-- so I am guessing that the experience is most likely shared. I like to eat. It is enjoyable and food tastes good and is an experience in and of itself. I'm glad to have the band b/c I am really not limited in my eating in terms of types of food. Rather, it is all about the technique of eating. It's not easy, but it is doable.
I'm not suggesting that I am trying to 'eat around' the band. Instead, I am working with the band while still trying to experience all that 'food life' has to offer when I am having an atypical day. Most days, it is pretty routine in terms of eating: white coffee in the morning (coffee with a large proportion of milk,) protein bar at some point in the morning, variable lunch items (but not much for lunch,) glass of wine or occasional martini before/ with dinner, dinner (just a few bits, dinner doesn't work well for me right now, bleh) and then a dessert of sorts.
Atypical days usually fall on the weekends, and I might encounter a different food or food I love, and I have a few bites-- if I am smart: I am very careful in these moments, otherwise, forget it: I wind up with regurgitation issues. Example: two weeks ago on Saturday night, our friends up the street had a party. We got a baby sitter and went to the party (walked there, no designated driver!) and I had between 2 and 3 glasses of wine (a LOT for me-- I wasn't counting-- it was like the 'endless wine glass'-- ya know?) and there were ribs, fried chicken, creamed spinach, wings and some other stuff for the buffet meal. I tried with the ribs and creamed spinach and wound up in the bathroom. Bleh. A little later, I ate a chicken wing, VERY carefully. And: I had some cake for dessert. So this was an atypical day with atypical food-- but I wound up eating very little.
As for other news on eating and feelings: I am in a weird mode right now where I am reflecting a lot about changes to my eating. I am feeling a little sad and displaced about things, and I am trying to stay 'present' and be with those feelings to let them happen and be OK to have these ambivalent feelings. It could be that I have had my issues with the band lately and that has increased some of my frustration. But I also know that this frustration is completely within my control-- and that is a true relief. I know that I could go to the surgeon and get ALL of my fill taken out if that's what I wanted.
I realize that full emptying of the band would not be a good idea, but I like the escape hatch notion. When I think back about the tremendous progress that I've had: I am so grateful and happy. When I get frustrated though, sometimes I am just frustrated. Let's pile onto the frustration that I have this additional new weirdness of the knowledge that the people closest to me are noticing that I 'just don't eat very much.'
Why the hell does this bother me so much???? I talked to my mom about it, and she asked me: "well, would you rather we were saying: 'gee, Dinnerland can REALLY pack it away!!' ?" Um, nope. So, I don't know what's up with me feeling strange and self-conscious about the fact that my nearest and dearest see how little I eat and comment about it. I guess I just need to get over that change in time.
As for PIG stress, I am figuring it out and spending very little of my personal time worrying about it or tarrying about issues. That is left at the PIG-place. I've copied my required reading for the day (remember: I am doing daily stress management reading) and will work on following it.
The main thing for eating today is to have a good, clean eating day to get back to normal-- like I said above, I've eaten a bit over the top this weekend and I just need to clear out my system and normalize-- that is the best part of Monday! Structure rules for eating right.
Hope you're all going to have a great time at BOOBs!!!
Start Your Day Off Right
After scrambling to get the kids fed and off to school, dodging traffic and combating road rage, and gulping down coffee in lieu of something healthy, many people come in already stressed, and more reactive to stress at work. In fact, you may be surprised by how much more reactive to stress you are when you have a stressful morning. If you start off the day with good nutrition, proper planning, and a positive attitude, you may find the stress of the workplace rolling off your back more easily. (See this article formorning stress relief strategies.)Be Clear on Requirements
One of the factors that contributes to job burnout is unclear requirements. If you don’t know exactly what’s expected of you, or if the requirements keep changing with little notice, you may find yourself much more stressed than necessary. If you find yourself falling into the trap of never knowing if what you’re doing is enough, it may help to have a talk with your supervisor and go over expectations, and strategies for meeting them. This can relieve stress for both of you!Stay Away From Conflict
Because interpersonal conflict takes a toll on your physical and emotional health, and because conflict among co-workers is so difficult to escape, it’s a good idea to avoid conflict at work as much as possible. That means don’t gossip, don’t share too many of your personal opinions about religion and politics, and try to steer clear of colorful office humor. Try to avoid those people at work who don’t work well with others. If conflict finds you anyway, try these conflict resolution strategies.Stay Organized
Even if you’re a naturally disorganized person, planning ahead to stay organized can greatly decrease stress at work. Being organized with your time means less rushing in the morning to avoid being late and rushing to get out at the end of the day. Keeping yourself organized means avoiding the negative effects of clutter, and being more efficient with your work. For more on organization, visit About.com’s Personal Organization site.Be Comfortable
Another surprising stressor at work is physical discomfort. You may not notice the stress you experience when you’re in an uncomfortable chair for a few minutes. But if you practically live in that chair when you’re at work, you can have a sore back and be more reactive to stress because of it. Even small things like office noise can be distracting and cause low-grade frustration. Do what you can to ensure that you’re working from a quiet, comfortable and soothing workspace. (See this article on noise pollution or this one on creating an ergonomic workspace.)Forget Multitasking
Multitasking was once heralded as a fantastic way to maximize one’s time and get more done in a day. Then people started realizing that when they had a phone in their ear and were making calculations at the same time, their speed and accuracy (not to mention sanity) suffered. There is a certain kind of frazzled feeling that comes from splitting one’s focus that doesn’t work well for most people. Rather than multitasking, try a new strategy known as chunking.Walk at Lunch
Many people are feeling ill effects from leading a sedentary lifestyle. One way you can combat that, and manage stress at work at the same time, is to get some exercise during your lunch break and perhaps take short exercise breaks throughout the day. This can help you blow off steam, lift your mood, and get into better shape. (See these tips on getting exercise for busy people.)Keep Perfectionism In Check
Being a high achiever can help you feel good about yourself and excel at work. Being a perfectionist, on the other hand, can drive you and the people around you a little nuts. Especially in busy, fast-paced jobs, you may not be able to do everything perfectly. But striving to just do your best and then congratulating yourself on the effort is a good strategy. Your results will actually be better (perfectionists tend to stress about little mistakes and sometimes drop the ball because they can’t do things well enough), and you’ll be much less stressed at work. (Take this quiz to examine your perfectionism level, and to find strategies for overcoming perfectionism.)Listen to Music on the Drive Home
Listening to music brings many benefits, and can offer an effective way to relieve stress after work. Combating the stress of a long day at work with your favorite music on the drive home can make you less stressed when you get home, and more prepared to interact with the people in your life.For more stress relief strategies, see what this site has to offer in the way of stress reduction resources.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Reeling in the years...
Every time I get on the scale and I see that my weight has gone down, even if just a smidgeon, and especially when I genuinely begin to see new numbers: the song "Reeling in the years" comes to mind
by Steely Dan. I hear the opening guitar riff in this celebratory way and kind of feel congratulatory.
Here is a link to audio of the song I'm talking about-- b/c Steely Dan is way classic rock for you young 'uns. As in: yep, I am a 70's chick and that means I'm getting kind of older. But who cares, right?
Steely Dan's Reeling in the Years
Anywho: I am much better than when I wrote my last post. I have decided to work on kicking my work stress addiction. I am following my own advice, and mostly thinking a lot about what I control and what I don't control.
I don't control the person in charge of me at the PIG, but I certainly can control my reaction to that person. I don't have to wonder if I'm crazy for what I think: I know I am not b/c too many of the 'prisoners' in the asylum feel exactly the way I do.
I read a great article about toxic w0rk environments from the NY Times. A bit depressing-- but when you put it into context, you really do have choices that do not mean 'quit.' Rather: it is really up to me to learn to cope with difficult people and the sooner I learn this and stop internalizing someone else's bullshit and just do my j-o-b, the better. Ya know?
If you don't, I'm sorry, but I keep saying that it is important to keep anonymity here.
In band news, I remain fairly tight with the need to be very careful about eating-- and just not being able to eat a whole lot. It can be frustrating, but I am totally able to get in fluids and I really can eat just about anything IF I chew A LOT and am careful to note the signs that my little bandorooni will not be compliant. Bleh.
Yeah: frustrating-- that is the fact lately. I have even wondered about whether the band was a good choice a few times, but then I realized that my thinking was very ridiculous and I thought about the fact that the tightness is within my control and I am CHOOSING to wait to see the doctor. I really am OK because if I weren't, I'd be in the doc's office without a doubt.
I am waiting to lose more weight and have the band loosen on 'her' own-- do you see how she is beginning to become personified in my mind? Is that so weird? I know that lots of us have named our bands, so I guess not. Mine has never had a name... but she clearly has a gender (ahem: SHE.) Maybe that's her name "she." As in, "she really doesn't want me to eat gooey foods like pasta, rice or bread" or "she really only will allow two bites and now has officially clammed up and slammed shut, dammit."
Ha ha.
In other news, I had a bilateral breast MRI yesterday (ROUTINE) and that was a fun little diddy. I almost didn't get the test b/c they didn't preauthorize, but I made a huge stink (Dinnerland specializes in getting her way-- I should write a book about it) and got everyone on the horn for me and got my authorization. This actually included (unintentionally) crying to my breast surgeon on the phone and eliciting her support and sympathy. I told her "I am in PAIN, can't you see that? This is very hard for me to do, to come in and get the MRI, now I am going to need to work up to it again?" That really worked.
FYI: I really didn't say I was in pain to be manipulative, but I realized afterwards that when talking to a compassionate doctor, you cannot communicate better than by just saying you are in pain if that is TRUE. In my case, I was referring to genuine emotional anguish, and I know that she understand and that is why she tried so hard to help me.
I felt pretty damn effective getting myself the test via getting others to help get an authorization that I was told would otherwise take another 2 days. Go me.
I hope you are all well and I am sorry I've been absent lately-- I have been under a good bit of self-inflicted stress, but I am determined to 'stop drinking to poison' as they say in AA-- if I drink the poison, the other person doesn't die. I die. And that's not what I want: I want to LIVE!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
In the middle of the night...
*Edited to add some more positive thoughts:
It's 7:17am and I'm here to update. I guess I was pretty bent out of shape and upset in the middle of the night, and it was a good vent session.
I did some reading up on stress management-- and it pretty much is what I've seen, heard, discussed before. The problem is that I can talk the talk but I consistently cannot walk the walk.
I think that stress management is like a muscle that I desperately need to develop, with daily exercises, and I am committing myself to doing those exercises starting today.
Here is what I'll try my best to do:
1) Google stress management daily and read at least one article addressing stress management-- consider the suggestions and try to implement.
2) Google 'toxic w0rk environments,' 'toxic b0s#ses' and any other topics that will give me ideas and support to know that I am not only not alone, but that I have the power to take control of my situation.
Last night, what I came up with in my google searches is that stress is somewhat of a choice that I can make-- it is a lot about perfectionism and desire to succeed. Stress is also something that I DON'T have to accept as a fact of life-- I am responsible for what I CHOOSE to think and do.
To be perfectly honest: writing this gives me a bit of agita, but I will keep trying.
Yeah, I'm up again in the middle of the night-- seems to happen periodically. I know it is PIG stress, even though I am trying to be brave and strong. Everyone (as in my husband and my mother, and the rest of my family, to a lesser extent) is sick of me complaining. But it makes me feel very resentful too. Why can't I complain if I want to? Now I'm being forced to put on a brave front for everyone and 'not let the stress get to me.'
I feel really sorry for myself-- and to maximize the impact, I feel sick too. I don't even know what is wrong with me, sort of that swollen glands, off/ under the weather feeling. I am now trying to be good to myself as I blog, I went and made myself a lovely cup of tea with 2 tea bags-- one of Echinacea tea to bolster my immunity and one of Valerian tea to calm my nerves/ soothe myself.
I am not sure if it is good or bad, but I am so busy being busy and stressed during the weeks that I haven't even had the opportunity to worry about my upcoming breast MRI that will happen on 9/16. I can't believe I'm saying "I don't know if it is good or bad..." because of course it is good that I'm just 'going with it' and having the test without stressing. In years past, even if you look back at this blog, I've (needlessly) worried about the breast cancer screenings. I used to worry almost as an obligation, but I gave up that personal toxicity in favor of just going with it and ha, ha 'not letting the stress get to me.' So ironic, this 'not letting the stress get to me' really makes me feel trapped and very angry.
I believe that I have the 'right' to be stressed if I want to be-- aren't feelings just feelings? I am completely mixed up and obviously a little beside myself at this moment. Good thing that I am going back into therapy (by the way, I haven't had the time, but I need to call my goddamn insurance company and find out what pittance they will pay towards my sessions...fucking mental health reimbursements always suck.)
But I won't be seeing my therapist for another week because I am too goddamn fucking busy-- do you see what is going on here? Ack. I really don't know what to say other than to complain my brains out here because at least no one here is going to tell me to stop bitching and get over it.
Or maybe you will but if you feel like saying that, please leave me alone and don't read my blog-- I am sorry that I am not Suzy Sunshine-- I don't have it in me.
Oh and on the weight loss front: I'm stuck in the 172 point whatevers, so it doesn't look very likely that I will meet my bday goal-- and do I really care that much? Honestly: no. I am just going to lose weight at the pace that my body chooses and I'm not going to screw with it too much.
At the moment, I am personally just hanging on-- and pushing myself to lose EXTRA weight doesn't seem to be in the cards. (Maybe that is a cop out, but as I keep saying in this blog, as long as the trajectory of my weight is going downward, I'm not going to get too picky about how long it takes-- what is the frigging rush anyway?)
And with that: I'll change the header on my blog to take the stress off of myself and stop guilting myself with my goal... I really don't need any additional pressure.
Now that I've bitched and moaned, I am going to make a list of things I can do to help myself for the next 24 hours:
1) Drink Echinacea tea throughout the day to maximize my immunity-- and it is soothing and calming too.
2) Drink water throughout the day, just because it is healthy and to flush my system and hopefully bolster my immunity as well.
3) I'd love to find some fresh squeezed orange juice somewhere -- not sure where to get that-- haven't had it in a while... but that would be a nice 'treat' and also a vitamin C boost. I'll look around in the morning-- maybe leave a bit on the early side and even stop in a diner on the way to work (that would be wild, I usually don't stop but drive straight through because it takes an hour to get in.)
4) When I get to work do the following:
a. Make a cup of tea (see number 1 and number 2) and ensure I have a full glass of water at my desk.
b. Make a list of every thing that I have pending AND request a meeting with the person in charge of me (PICOM) (coded word to make searching difficult)-- there was a major change yesterday in the way of a person deciding to leave and it is a GOOD change, except that my PICOM is driving ahead like nothing changed. I need to get the PICOM to understand that we cannot just move ahead without a plan. Argh. Why is everyone so goddamn fucking stupid, as I move up the ladder in my PIG life, I just find more incompetence at the TOP that I ever would have imagined.
I've digressed.
c. Schedule out the things I need to do to manage the list in 'b.'
That feels somewhat better.
I hate to put all the bitching and whining out there- but this is me, warts and all.
It's 7:17am and I'm here to update. I guess I was pretty bent out of shape and upset in the middle of the night, and it was a good vent session.
I did some reading up on stress management-- and it pretty much is what I've seen, heard, discussed before. The problem is that I can talk the talk but I consistently cannot walk the walk.
I think that stress management is like a muscle that I desperately need to develop, with daily exercises, and I am committing myself to doing those exercises starting today.
Here is what I'll try my best to do:
1) Google stress management daily and read at least one article addressing stress management-- consider the suggestions and try to implement.
2) Google 'toxic w0rk environments,' 'toxic b0s#ses' and any other topics that will give me ideas and support to know that I am not only not alone, but that I have the power to take control of my situation.
Last night, what I came up with in my google searches is that stress is somewhat of a choice that I can make-- it is a lot about perfectionism and desire to succeed. Stress is also something that I DON'T have to accept as a fact of life-- I am responsible for what I CHOOSE to think and do.
To be perfectly honest: writing this gives me a bit of agita, but I will keep trying.
Yeah, I'm up again in the middle of the night-- seems to happen periodically. I know it is PIG stress, even though I am trying to be brave and strong. Everyone (as in my husband and my mother, and the rest of my family, to a lesser extent) is sick of me complaining. But it makes me feel very resentful too. Why can't I complain if I want to? Now I'm being forced to put on a brave front for everyone and 'not let the stress get to me.'
I feel really sorry for myself-- and to maximize the impact, I feel sick too. I don't even know what is wrong with me, sort of that swollen glands, off/ under the weather feeling. I am now trying to be good to myself as I blog, I went and made myself a lovely cup of tea with 2 tea bags-- one of Echinacea tea to bolster my immunity and one of Valerian tea to calm my nerves/ soothe myself.
I am not sure if it is good or bad, but I am so busy being busy and stressed during the weeks that I haven't even had the opportunity to worry about my upcoming breast MRI that will happen on 9/16. I can't believe I'm saying "I don't know if it is good or bad..." because of course it is good that I'm just 'going with it' and having the test without stressing. In years past, even if you look back at this blog, I've (needlessly) worried about the breast cancer screenings. I used to worry almost as an obligation, but I gave up that personal toxicity in favor of just going with it and ha, ha 'not letting the stress get to me.' So ironic, this 'not letting the stress get to me' really makes me feel trapped and very angry.
I believe that I have the 'right' to be stressed if I want to be-- aren't feelings just feelings? I am completely mixed up and obviously a little beside myself at this moment. Good thing that I am going back into therapy (by the way, I haven't had the time, but I need to call my goddamn insurance company and find out what pittance they will pay towards my sessions...fucking mental health reimbursements always suck.)
But I won't be seeing my therapist for another week because I am too goddamn fucking busy-- do you see what is going on here? Ack. I really don't know what to say other than to complain my brains out here because at least no one here is going to tell me to stop bitching and get over it.
Or maybe you will but if you feel like saying that, please leave me alone and don't read my blog-- I am sorry that I am not Suzy Sunshine-- I don't have it in me.
Oh and on the weight loss front: I'm stuck in the 172 point whatevers, so it doesn't look very likely that I will meet my bday goal-- and do I really care that much? Honestly: no. I am just going to lose weight at the pace that my body chooses and I'm not going to screw with it too much.
At the moment, I am personally just hanging on-- and pushing myself to lose EXTRA weight doesn't seem to be in the cards. (Maybe that is a cop out, but as I keep saying in this blog, as long as the trajectory of my weight is going downward, I'm not going to get too picky about how long it takes-- what is the frigging rush anyway?)
And with that: I'll change the header on my blog to take the stress off of myself and stop guilting myself with my goal... I really don't need any additional pressure.
Now that I've bitched and moaned, I am going to make a list of things I can do to help myself for the next 24 hours:
1) Drink Echinacea tea throughout the day to maximize my immunity-- and it is soothing and calming too.
2) Drink water throughout the day, just because it is healthy and to flush my system and hopefully bolster my immunity as well.
3) I'd love to find some fresh squeezed orange juice somewhere -- not sure where to get that-- haven't had it in a while... but that would be a nice 'treat' and also a vitamin C boost. I'll look around in the morning-- maybe leave a bit on the early side and even stop in a diner on the way to work (that would be wild, I usually don't stop but drive straight through because it takes an hour to get in.)
4) When I get to work do the following:
a. Make a cup of tea (see number 1 and number 2) and ensure I have a full glass of water at my desk.
b. Make a list of every thing that I have pending AND request a meeting with the person in charge of me (PICOM) (coded word to make searching difficult)-- there was a major change yesterday in the way of a person deciding to leave and it is a GOOD change, except that my PICOM is driving ahead like nothing changed. I need to get the PICOM to understand that we cannot just move ahead without a plan. Argh. Why is everyone so goddamn fucking stupid, as I move up the ladder in my PIG life, I just find more incompetence at the TOP that I ever would have imagined.
I've digressed.
c. Schedule out the things I need to do to manage the list in 'b.'
That feels somewhat better.
I hate to put all the bitching and whining out there- but this is me, warts and all.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
September 11th
Here is it again, that terrible day when the world changed forever. I don't want to rehash my memories of the day (I was in NYC)-- but I just want to take a moment to remember.
I will never understand the evil and ignorance that drove and continues to drive terrorists. It makes me so angry, but also sad, bewildered and frustrated.
I want to remember and thank the many heroes who gave their lives that day-- they were brave beyond description and their memory will always be for a blessing. I thank their families for the terrible and completely senseless sacrifice of their lives.
I am so sorry for those innocent people who were in and around the WTC on 9/11 who never came home.
I am among the NY'ers who wish fervently that we had put the twin towers back up in all of their glory-- exactly as they stood before the terrible attack. It makes my heart ache whenever I see the gigantic hole in the sky. And it makes me feel like those disgusting murderers won.
Obviously, they didn't win-- but they succeeded in changing us forever, and striking fear into our hearts about simple things like riding subways and driving through tunnels.
Sad.
Wrong.
I will never forget.
I will never understand the evil and ignorance that drove and continues to drive terrorists. It makes me so angry, but also sad, bewildered and frustrated.
I want to remember and thank the many heroes who gave their lives that day-- they were brave beyond description and their memory will always be for a blessing. I thank their families for the terrible and completely senseless sacrifice of their lives.
I am so sorry for those innocent people who were in and around the WTC on 9/11 who never came home.
I am among the NY'ers who wish fervently that we had put the twin towers back up in all of their glory-- exactly as they stood before the terrible attack. It makes my heart ache whenever I see the gigantic hole in the sky. And it makes me feel like those disgusting murderers won.
Obviously, they didn't win-- but they succeeded in changing us forever, and striking fear into our hearts about simple things like riding subways and driving through tunnels.
Sad.
Wrong.
I will never forget.
Friday, September 10, 2010
New lows
Yeah, got the scale going back in the right direction-- and maybe I can meet my birthday goal. We shall see-- it is a reach to tell my scale to do what I want it to do on any certain day. But all in all, as I keep noticing--the trend is downward and I like that trend.
I had a holiday meal with my family (my husband, son, my parents, and my sister, her husband and her 2 sons) last night at my parents' house. It was a really fun night but one little anxiety provoking weird part.
Have I mentioned that my mother mentions how little I eat nowadays?
She says it in an innocuous way-- but it freaks me out. For example, when we decided to come along for dinner as a more impromptu addition, she said: "It will be ok, you don't eat much anyway. There will be enough."
I then asked her if I seem weird about my eating habits. She said 'no,' and that a lot of women eat very little.
My inner response is that I don't want to appear to be weird or eating disordered. I am not either- I want to blend in, even with the lap band.
The other thing that happened was that I was cutting my food in tiny bites and my sister nudged my mom about it and my mom whispered 'it's the lap band.' This also freaked me out.
My thin sister then said, "I think it is great, that is a great eating habit to eat small bites-- wish I did that."
So it wasn't discouraging or mean-- it just weirded me being 'outed.'
Gotta run.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Don't drop off the face of the earth post
I know I only posted yesterday, but it seems like a long time since I wrote anything. I guess I had a really long day today?? Tomorrow I need to run a meeting (2 hours!) and I am not looking forward to it.
On the up side, I did come to some important realization about the PIG and any PIG I would be going to. Essentially: it is what I make of it and how I choose to react. I can't control any crazyness (and believe me, there is a substantial amount)-- but I can control how I allow it to affect me....
As for the band tightness, I'm not eating a whole lot these days-- and trying to stay away from excessive desserts and sliders. I'm hoping to see the scale take a downward turn-- but we'll see tomorrow.
Sorry this is lame-o type post but I am exhausted. Guess I'm writing this as a place holder until I have something more interesting to report. More soon. Until then, be well...
On the up side, I did come to some important realization about the PIG and any PIG I would be going to. Essentially: it is what I make of it and how I choose to react. I can't control any crazyness (and believe me, there is a substantial amount)-- but I can control how I allow it to affect me....
As for the band tightness, I'm not eating a whole lot these days-- and trying to stay away from excessive desserts and sliders. I'm hoping to see the scale take a downward turn-- but we'll see tomorrow.
Sorry this is lame-o type post but I am exhausted. Guess I'm writing this as a place holder until I have something more interesting to report. More soon. Until then, be well...
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Size 12 pants-- NSV
Here I am in the dressing room at Target, my favorite 'go-to' store to get very reasonably priced knock around clothes-- and I used to even get some work separates from Target too. The pants you see on me are a size 12! They are on the snug side, but I bought them because buying snug is a smart idea for me... over time, I know I am losing weight and the clothes loosen up. While this wasn't a good bet in the past, it is a fine bet nowadays.
And here I am in jeans and a floaty shirty to go out to the dinner with my hubs I described in a previous post. I felt very good about the outfit. Not sure the picture does it proper justice.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Cancellation
I had an appointment all set with Dr. Kurian in the practice's satellite office for Wednesday September 8th- but I can't make it. I am actually taking the day off from PIG (I wanted to do PIG from home, but am not allowed 'yet.' Maybe that little promise will never come true. I should have seen the writing on the wall and will never be so stupid again. Don't ask, I can't tell much more-- use your imagination about what my feelings are about this.)
Hence: I am on for October visit with Dr. Ren-- unless I decide I can't tolerate the tightness much longer-- and then I can go in and get myself fixed up. I do have a meeting mid-month in the city-- I guess I could always ask to get squeezed it on that day if I need it... hmmm something to keep in mind.
The issue is that I really am very tight much of the time and it is frustrating. The tightest time of day: dinner time. It is disappointing and annoying-- but I think I am beginning to adjust to it. DH and I went to a favorite restaurant of ours last night and I ate 3 oysters on the half shell, a few bites of tuna tar tar, a few buttered bits of bread crust, and about a tablespoon of spinach. Oh-- and I had a 2/3rds of a cocktail (it was a vodka drink with basil and citrus muddled in it-- very tasty.) This very minimalist eating was the result of us having dinner at the normal time when I am TIGHTEST.
Brought home the tuna tartar (which was served with a coconut 'foam' and chives-- very yummy) and ate it at around 9pm. And I ate 2 brownies too. Bad.
Should not have taken those brownies from my mom's house when we picked up my son (parents babysat.) But here is the frustration 'rub' and the comfort eating.
I know I should 'require' more of myself-- and I keep trying each day. It is a balancing act to eat right with this level of tightness-- and if I don't and I experience regurgitation or even PB'ing, which I really try to avoid for fear of screwing up my band...ah: I don 't know.
I am just waiting for things to loosen up-- and my motto is: if I can swallow pills (I take a few pills daily for ongoing preventive reasons) and liquids without a problem-- I'm good to go.
Forgot to say: my weight today-- 173.2.
Not sure how things will go with the birthday challenge-- but I can say that I have lost weight since my last fill (August 11th). On that day, I weighed 175.8... so I am pretty much right on target for my .5 lb per week loss. That seems to be how I am meant to go.
Sorry this post sucks. I guess I am in a pissy mood b/c of my neck which is acting up suddenly again. Wah.
Hence: I am on for October visit with Dr. Ren-- unless I decide I can't tolerate the tightness much longer-- and then I can go in and get myself fixed up. I do have a meeting mid-month in the city-- I guess I could always ask to get squeezed it on that day if I need it... hmmm something to keep in mind.
The issue is that I really am very tight much of the time and it is frustrating. The tightest time of day: dinner time. It is disappointing and annoying-- but I think I am beginning to adjust to it. DH and I went to a favorite restaurant of ours last night and I ate 3 oysters on the half shell, a few bites of tuna tar tar, a few buttered bits of bread crust, and about a tablespoon of spinach. Oh-- and I had a 2/3rds of a cocktail (it was a vodka drink with basil and citrus muddled in it-- very tasty.) This very minimalist eating was the result of us having dinner at the normal time when I am TIGHTEST.
Brought home the tuna tartar (which was served with a coconut 'foam' and chives-- very yummy) and ate it at around 9pm. And I ate 2 brownies too. Bad.
Should not have taken those brownies from my mom's house when we picked up my son (parents babysat.) But here is the frustration 'rub' and the comfort eating.
I know I should 'require' more of myself-- and I keep trying each day. It is a balancing act to eat right with this level of tightness-- and if I don't and I experience regurgitation or even PB'ing, which I really try to avoid for fear of screwing up my band...ah: I don 't know.
I am just waiting for things to loosen up-- and my motto is: if I can swallow pills (I take a few pills daily for ongoing preventive reasons) and liquids without a problem-- I'm good to go.
Forgot to say: my weight today-- 173.2.
Not sure how things will go with the birthday challenge-- but I can say that I have lost weight since my last fill (August 11th). On that day, I weighed 175.8... so I am pretty much right on target for my .5 lb per week loss. That seems to be how I am meant to go.
Sorry this post sucks. I guess I am in a pissy mood b/c of my neck which is acting up suddenly again. Wah.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Thousand Word Thursday...BYOC... and Sorry I'm not sorry and other stuff
I have so many work deadlines and obligations, I can't really keep up with the fun and interesting blogger 'assignments.' Yes: that's how a perfectionist like me takes these things: people like Draz (BYOC), Amy W (TWT), and Sorry I'm not Sorry (Mrs. Fatass??) come with fun and creative ways to post about ourselves.
I love to read so many of your posts that are structured in these ways b/c they really are so revealing and interesting to me
The best I can do is a little bit, and late for deadline, too!
I've really enjoyed the Thousand Word Thursday posts-- and have been thinking about what photo I would post. The first step is deciding which is my favorite. I actually have a few in the running-- I guess that sounds conceited, but there are few of my more favorite aspects of my appearance: my hands, my neck, and my hair.
Here is a recent picture that pulls these all together:
 |
| DL at my son's 6th bday party, 7/26/10 The picture above doesn't really do justice to any of the features in the 'best' way-- but I can describe a little more in other photos as well. I just didn't want to use a really 'old' photo of me to represent things I like about myself. I suppose am getting to an age where I don't want to focus strictly of pictures of when I was 'younger' when I talk about things I like about my appearance. (I guess I am getting a little sensitive about getting older. mmm) OK, so here is a picture of my neck, and it is actually a great comparison shot of my face getting thinner again:  The picture above was taken in March 2009, and I think I was in the 190's at that point. You can see that I have a nice long neck, but you can also see that I am pretty 'rounded.' As I thin out, my neck becomes more graceful. Here is another shot of me, and it actually illustrates two things: 1-- my neck again-- I believe this was taken in February 2008, when I was around 185ish, 2-- I am 'hiding' by pressing up close to the hubs. Remember I spoke about being an expert in 'hiding' my fat in photos? While my ARM looks like my fattest feature, that's just because my hip is pressed into hubs' side. Whatever.  Here is a shot from the last days of Jenny Craig in 2007. (Look how precious my little one is!!) I look pretty thin here-- think I was in the 150's, and my hair looks good! This photo makes me want to go back to black:  And here is a photo of my hand-- what I like about my hands (not surprisingly...) is that they are thin and graceful. I guess my hands (thin and graceful) represent my wishes for myself to have my qualities overall:  Not even sure this does the best justice to my hands... but it gives you an idea... I love that there is an empty bag of chips next to us. Ha ha. As for "Sorry I'm not sorry"-- I enjoyed those posts as well. I wanted to say that I read a few times where women wrote that they were not 'sorry' to leave their kids and go have fun-- and that they were not 'sorry' that they weren't guilty about it. Wow. I don't mean to be narcissistic, but I sincerely hope that MY post about not going to Chicago did not cause ANYONE guilt. I will try to link that post shortly. What I said in that post was that I couldn't go to Chicago because I want to spend every spare moment away from work with my son and my husband-- and that I don't want to do anything without them because I'm away so much. Let me explain to anyone who read that and potentially felt guilty: DO NOT feel guilty about me being some sort of wonderful, self-sacrificing super-mom. I AM NOT that woman. Puhleeze. I keep my PIG/ POV stuff pretty much on the down low b/c, truth be told, I am a rather senior type executive person at work. I have to spend LONG hours away- and my commute has added to the issue. Most days, I leave the house at 7:45am and get home at 7:15am. My son goes to bed around 9pm (as do I.) Do you see how little time I have with him and my hubby? DO NOT get guilty about me and my remarks about not wanting to spend additional time away from them. If I spent any more time away, I might as well not even be a member of my family, for God's sake. And finally: Draz, I just want to say that I LOVE BYOC but I just can't get into doing it myself very much-- but I genuinely appreciate your efforts in putting out the questions and I LOVE the answers from everyone. PS: I am SUCH a libra. (Born October 5th, 1970.) |
Saturday, September 04, 2010
My best attempt at body shots post workout
Click any photo to make it bigger.
To be honest: I don't see much of a difference from the photos I've taken in this very same outfit in the past-- as I've said, I am having challenges lifting my photos with my mac, but if you go back to January, took photos in my workout clothes and I was in the high 180's.
It just goes to show how UN-flattering these togs are for my body, b/c I know I look different, wear smaller sizes and whatever-- but kind of a bummer to look the same in similar pictures taken in January 2010 and in September 2010. Argh.
Click here for January post in same outfit!
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