It's good to have a crappy memory!

**Edited to add: I have to laugh at myself-- I thought that the '174 point whatevers' was a new milestone hit for me-- when in fact, I see that I hit it already on 7/27/10. Derf.  Whatever, my post below still stands--but oy, I guess I am overwhelmed with all the new learning in my new place.  My brain is completely saturated.

Just when you least expect it, you get on the scale and wham: a big milestone number appears.
For me, it is that 174 point whatever that I've been waiting to get to for a while... It can take what seems to be an unendingly long time to reach number goals when you lose at the rate I'm going.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth.  I'm so grateful and happy for each inch down the scale-- and I'm even grateful that it is not going by that fast.  For me, the bright side of slow losses are that people in my daily life aren't constantly saying, "Oh my god, you lost SO MUCH WEIGHT!!!" which I wind up feeling insulted about.

And, my body is adjusting slowly, AND, as I take the weight off slowly, I solidify my confidence in a new lifestyle that supports each new and lower weight range.

While I will never say, "THIS WEIGHT IS GONG FOREVER!!!"-- I can say that my sense of capability is ever-increasing in terms of my ability to control my eating (with band help, obviously,) and to know that I can have anything I want-- but not all at once, and not in gigantic quantities.

Amen, band. Amen.

Are you prejudiced against *fat* people?

In my life, I've generally gravitated towards having friends who were skinnier than I, or at least at a healthy weight. I never out and out rejected the potential of being friendly with an overweight person, and have had overweight friends.

But I'll full on admit, that because of MY OWN issues, I've always wound up having mostly thin or skinny friends.  

So: my question to myself and anyone who is listening-- 'are you prejudiced against 'fat' people?'  

The answer for me is a complicated one.  I think I'm getting over some preconceived notions, while I am realizing that I am one of the fat people I have so judged in my life. This post is really complicated, and if it is making you angry, please stop reading now. 

The last thing I want to do is make anyone feel bad or sad.

OK, you've been officially warned.

I've spent virtually my entire life (going on 40 years old now!) trying to NOT be fat.  *See below for a quick repeat of my weight history*

The irony of so much of my weight struggles is my dissatisfaction with myself at times when I was NOT terribly overweight at all. I could kick myself for being unhappy with my body at 143 pounds in high school. I kicked myself and was worried I was too fat at 155 pounds. (Granted, that is 9 pounds above the 'healthy' BMI range-- but I was fine at that weight, healthy and strong-- but not skinny and with a bit of 'junk in the trunk' without a doubt.)

When I'm in a blaming mood about this weight dissatisfaction, I blame society, my mother and sister with their own weight hang-ups who meant the best that they could, stupid BMI charts, and even some insensitive friends of mine-- I am thinking of 2 in particular. One who commented that she didn't know how I did the NYC marathon and didn't lose any weight in the process (I stayed at 155 ish the whole time, this was in 1997.)  I can't forget that comment.

So I exercised A TON, especially in my 20's.  I'd go to the gym and do 2 classes in a row, I ran the NYC marathon in under 6 hours-- I did the NYC Triathlon.  I worked out a lot (and then I ate alot afterwards, because I was BODY HUNGRY!!) Ack.
Oh, and I dieted, and dieted and dieted some more.  You name the diet, I tried it.  I took some Dexatrim during one weight loss attempt, before they changed the formula, and that actually did help with my appetite some.  But only with tremendous self control.  I always seemed to be hungry and always wanted to eat more than anyone else around me-- I never felt satisfied because I had to constantly hold my urges to satisfy my hunger at bay.  I can't really say whether this was physical or mental hunger-- probably both.

I know that I never just relaxed and ate 'naturally'-- I was either on a diet or OFF my diet and eating 'for England' as I've heard said by British folks.
As time went on, my appetite just seemed to be more voracious.  I definitely could get full, and never was in a crazy 'binge-ing' state. I just could put away ALOT of food before getting full, and this was a problem because I wanted to be THIN!

Truth be told, I STILL want to be 'skinny'-- I mean, leaving no question that I am in the 'thin' category, no matter what I am wearing or not wearing.   I know that my husband is really beginning to appreciate the change in my appearance after I've now lost almost 30 pounds-- but that he doesn't like the idea of me getting hyper-skinny. (Don't worry  honey, I'm not even close.)  On a side note: I was 136 pounds when I met him, and that was a very nice weight on me.... thin.  In my fantasy life, I'd like to get down to 123 or even 119 -- these are ridiculously low numbers to imagine for me.  However: they are not underweight, and I don't want to be underweight. Please don't get me wrong!)

I can talk low, low scale numbers all I want, but the banding process has not diminished my love of food or eating, so I am not sure whether I will ever be 'skinny' because the sacrifices may just not be worth it.  I'd rather have fun, enjoy life, and be satisfied and happy with food than to wage a war on my body that is wholly unnecessary.

I know I am going in circles a bit-- but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have spent my life judging myself for my weight-- so it is sort of natural that I would have judged others too. My fears that other people would think I was 'lazy,' 'not trying hard enough,' or a 'pig' because of my weight spilled into judgments of others (which came first, the fat judgment or the being fat and judging myself???)  I'm sorry about those judgments-- but I'm glad to acknowledge them and be past them.  At this point: I feel scared and sorry about the obesity epidemic in our society.  I want the stigma of weight loss surgery to be gone and I want to see less people suffering from obesity.  I guess the relief from my own obesity illness has brought on the intense desire to see less suffering in others as well.

Perhaps one of the most enlightening and mind opening things about this weight loss surgery for me is embracing my identity as one of the fat people, one of the people I have been judging all along. Thinking I was somehow lazy, less than others, not trying hard enough, and a pig because I just couldn't ever get a hold of my weight.  Or, when I was in the place of getting a hold of my weight, it was a terrible struggle.  Promising myself that "this time would be different" but just losing weight to gain it right back after I went off whatever "diet" I was doing. 

Caveat emptor: I have NEVER mocked or been mean to a person with a weight problem, whether it was just alittle extra chub, or full on obesity.  I'm not cruel and am really soft-hearted about these things, and would cry if I ever saw someone being hurt because of mockery on this or any other hurtful topic.  I am talking about what goes on for me on the inside of my brain.

So, I suppose that some of the greatest healing I am doing with this band is to accept myself as a person with a weight problem that needed serious medical intervention to get a grip on it.  And that makes me a part of the 'obesity' club.... and that's OK. I guess it is so much MORE OK for me now because I know that I have a fighting chance of being in control for the rest of my life.  

I don't mean to say that the band is the answer to everything- it is just that the game has officially changed from me 'losing' the battle, to me 'winning.'  That said: I'm not even battling, I'm just living my life with a new orientation AWAY from weight obsession.  It is wonderful and freeing-- and I guess it is also freeing me of my judgments of myself and others for the very problem that led me to the band surgery in the first place.

* Born: 8 lbs 3 oz

* Full grown height-- 5 foot 4 inches

* Teen years-- 130's-- 140's

1988-- high school graduation weight: 143

College-- grad school years: 136--145

20's-- alot of weight yo-yo'ing: from 127--150's

30's-- less yo-yo'ing, more steady UP:

early 2001-- 123

2001-- met husband at 136

2002-- got married at 155

late 2002-- happy married, gained to 165

2003-- 170 (got pregnant at this weight)

2004-- post pg weight, first time on scales: 203

2005-- dieted down to 185

2006-- dieted down to 168

2007-- Jenny Craig, started at 174, got down to 158

2008--> weight went up and up to all time high of 203 right before Banding

Banding: 1/4/10

... And a new low is reached-- and party pix below!

I'm thrilled to report the new low-- not sure if you can truly see the scale but it says 174.7.  The only bummer of this photo is that my calves seem to look so big to me. Eh.

I am very happy but, I also feel the way Angie from Vermont described when she reach a very low, low for her recently.  I don't have time to link the vlog-- but she talked about how she saw a low number on the scale and felt a moment of happiness and then proceeded with her day. 

That's how I feel to a certain extent. Don't get me wrong, I am totally thrilled about hitting 174ish... and I know I'll boing-boing around there for a while, that's just how it seems to go.  But at the same time, the success at this process seems pretty predictable right now.  And I feel really relieved and glad for the simplicity and for the end of the 'diet war.'

I don't mean to be insensitive to any of my blogger friends who are struggling right now-- or have struggled in the past.  I'm not above a struggle, I've been there before at times during this journey and will surely arrive in another struggle again.  I hope what I have to say is more encouraging than discouraging.  If there is anyone who is an example of atypical pacing of weight loss, I feel it is me.  I haven't lost fast at ALL.  Any time I have spent comparing myself to others (I admit, I've done it, haven't you???) has been a waste.

This is MY journey and you are on yours.  We are here to support each other and learn from each others' experiences and I am so grateful for every bit of info I've gleaned from your blogs. I truly hope that my blog will (eventually, if not now) serve as an inspiration and education for someone else.  I don't necessarily know the 'right' things to do-- but I am doing my best and that is what counts.  At the same time as 'doing my best'-- I will fully admit to just living my life.  That actually is my 'weight loss mode' NEW best.  I'm not trying anything fancy, anything trendy, and certainly nothing extreme. I'm just going along and the band is really helping me.

Yeah, the band is like a bitchy friend whom you don't want to dump out of your life, by the way.  For the most part, you LOVE her and she is supportive, friendly, helpful and always there for you-- in one way or another.  But that bitchy best friend can come out and surprise you and make your life miserable too without a moment's notice-- so you need to be extremely careful of your behavior around her. You need to be certain not to give her any reason to strike at you.... in band terms, we all know what that means:

1) Eat slowly

2) Eat slowly and put your fork and knife down between bites (bears repeating)

3) Chew alot OR cut your food into mush, like what you'd give a baby, and then chew it a bit to swallow easily

4) Limit your overall intake to what you're minimal capacity seems to be-- just be aware of this*

*What does #4 mean: It means that what I've understood from 'band literature' and blogs from various folks is that we're supposed to take in about 1-2 cups of food at a time, or even less. Some say a 1/2 a cup of food.

Gen (I heart the band) linked a great surgeon's blog a while back about this topic and I learned that what this means practically is that the band is supposed to help me to eat as LITTLE as possible to become satisfied.  The wrong approach, according to the surgeon, and I'd have to agree: TESTING the band to see how MUCH you can eat/ get away with.

Does this make sense? It does to me.

Well anyhow: I know I've been waxing grateful about the band these days-- and why wouldn't I, since I'm on such a high note. 

I'm sure my next plateau could be coming around the corner at some point-- but I'm hoping I'll have these hopeful blogs to return to when / if the going gets rough at any time in the future.

Here are some more party pictures.  I don't want to sound unduly negative because I feel and look so much better-- but most of these pictures show me that I still have a ways to go. I'm not 'upset' by them-- rather, motivated to continue:

Here are hubs and I, walking through the Jumpnasium-- kids AND adults played!

See what I mean? Sliding down a huge inflatable slide!

Here we are with the bday cake !

This is hubs, our family friend (and Jordy's former babysitter) her grandson and birthday boy!

About to crawl through a donut hole and climb up a VERY steep climb. Really steep!

New low syndrome

This morning I got on the scale and was at 179.3.
I knew the news would be 'bad' because I was in 'new low syndrome' all weekend.

Do you have this reaction to reaching a new low on the scale?
Whenever I reach a new low, I am elated and then relieved.  What do I do in response to this relief: I eat!!

Sometimes it is worse than other times, it is really about the confluence of events.  This weekend was my son's birthday, so there was cake and all sorts of other goodies around.  That is not to say that my eating was anywhere near the way it used to be... it it just that I threw caution to the wind and began an eating celebration fest.

The good news is that I know how to get back on track immediately, and I also am convinced that I didn't put on 3 or 4 pounds in the course of a weekend.  I also know that as I get *older*- my water retention response gets much worse. And of all the treats I love, I love a salty snack (but don't get me wrong, I also still love my sweets.) Given a desert island choice ( you know, where you're trapped on a desert island and you can only have 3 things)-- I am certain I'd have olives as one of my choices. YUM.

Ah olives... but I've digressed.

The point is that today is back on track day-- even though we'll be having a birthday celebration at my parents' house for my son-- his actual 6th bday is TODAY. But I can handle myself, and I will have a bit of cake if I feel like it. We all know it is not the 'little bits' of anything that caused us to gain weight. Or at least that's what I know.

For me, it was the VOLUME of everything, having EVERYTHING all the time, and never stopping. Not being able to really stop myself in a healthy way.  I don't mean all out binging, I mean "fressing" which is a Yiddish expression for "eating hearty." That's what I used to love, and that is what I'm pretty much restricted from doing these days.  It is not a bad restriction, it is truly welcome and I'm still learning more and more as each month goes by.

The last word is that I feel really confident that I will reach a 'healthy' BMI someday.  At the rate I'm going, it will take a long time (because 146 would be 'healthy' for me according to the charts.)
I really think my weight is at 176ish, so let's just say I have 30 more pounds to lose.  That means about 60 some odd more weeks at my rate-- or a year and several months. I'm fine with it.  I'm enjoying the progress along the way!
But I really want to get there-- and 146 seems to be quite a reasonable goal for me. Just a LONG road ahead that I am completely satisfied to travel.

Birthday Party!!

Hi, here is a bit of a comparison shot-- on the top, my son's 5th bday (last July) and this year, his 6th bday....
More pix to follow....

176.1 !

A bit more insomnia, partially brought on by DS having a nightmare in the middle of the night, causing my hubs and me to wake up and handle...
But, after I tried to fall back asleep, surfed the internets for a while-- I realized I wanted to weigh in. I wasn't figuring on seeing any particular breakthroughs.  But there it was! I actually saw 175.3... but by the time I ran for my camera to memorialize this moment, I was back up at 176.1.

I'll totally take it, and I'm not complaining either.
I am waiting patiently to reach that milestone of 174 point anything so that I can buy myself that gift of a subscription to "US Weekly." I know it sounds a little silly to hold out on myself like that-- but it is an important milestone in the journey- and I am waiting for the day!

Traffic jam and other visuals

I am having ever more realizations and learning about the band, and I guess this sharper learning curve is representing a good level of restriction.  I am very interested in what the doc will have to say when I go for my check-up on 8/11.  I will let you know, of course!

So, of traffic jams and other pictures I make in my mind.... I know that I just posted about the need to chew, chew, chew, and to wait between bites/ eat slowly-- but now I have a visual.

If I eat too fast, I essentially create a 'traffic jam' in my esophagus.  If I were a talented artist, like Gilly or Band Babe (I could be getting the talented artists wrong, excuse my idiot piss poor memory...) I would draw what I see in my mind on a paper and scan it for you all. Instead, I'll try to draw with words:

When you swallow down food, and you have a good, restricting band in place-- the food moves through the 'stoma' (or hole) which is much narrower than my pre-band esophagus.  So even if I'm still hungry, if I've had more than about 1/2 to 1 cup of food (depends on the day, the hour, and various other conditions I'm not even sure of!!)-- I reach what I've heard called a "hard stop."  This means that once I eat any more, I overwhelm the band and the sliming and potential PB'ing begins.  This is the 'traffic jam.'  I've eat too much, too fast, or both-- but there is a bottle neck in my gullet that prevents me from taking in any more food without there being consequences.  Can you see what I mean?

Perhaps I am just a complete do-do-bird, but I never really looked at restriction like this before. DUH! Now I get it even better.

On some level, it is kind of disappointing b/c often I reach the 'hard stop' before I am satisfied. But I've GOT to stop-- otherwise, I'll get stuck, and/or wind up sliming, and even worse, wind up PB'ing. Blech.

Ah, the learning.

But for any newbies out there: IT IS ALL GOOD. I LOVE my band and would never go back.
Thank goodness for the band.  I'm free to eat what I like when I want it and the diet war is truly over.

Case in point: this morning, I stopped at Dunkin Donuts on the way to work (around 8:30 am.) I needed to eat something, and I was considering one of the muffins-- but then I remembered that a chocolate glazed donut is a better total calorie choice.  I've been very fearful of donuts since the band, so I haven't had more than 1 bite of a donut since banding. (I literally had a tiny bite of a donut a few months ago.)

Anyway: I got that donut and I wound up eating less than 1/4 of the thing.  Didn't really care very much, and what I really craved was a bite or two and that was OK.  No need to gorge now b/c I'll be on a diet 'soon.'  Nope: just living my life-- and NOT being on a diet!

Yeah!

The power of goals

I don't have long to write-- decided to color my hair  this morning (I color out of a box, starting to get a few grays here and there!)...and I've eaten up much of the 'relax and have coffee' time in the AM with that!

First, I'd like to say it is my anniversary and my husband got me the sweetest gift... he gave it to me last evening because he knew I'd be away most of the day and couldn't wait.  He knows I love Tiffany gifts, so he got me a double heart chain (one that says 'I love you' in scripted repeats, and one that is engraved with our initials and the date of our wedding.) Awwww.

I got him the full set of 'Cosmos' by Carl Sagan-- he loves Sagan and has never bought that for himself.

The above said: we usually don't get each other anniversary gifts, but he went out and got this for me and then told me that he bought me a gift so that I wouldn't be left high and dry with nothing to give (and then get upset!) on our anniversary. He's the best.

As for the power of goals: I have started to put out my exercise goals, in writing, on the side of my blog each week.  I am trying to keep them extremely reasonable (this week's goal is to work out 2 times before work and a total of 3 times this week.  I also set an intensity goal to see if I can pick up a little speed /intensity on the treadmill.)

Anyway: I did not feel like getting up to walk on the treadmill this morning, but I did it, and what was sort of in my mind was my blog.  I knew I needed to get accountable, on the page, about my exercise.  Exercise is something I CAN control, so that is why I am setting reasonable and measurable goals.

As for me: from what I can seem to measure, and as I've said, ad infinitum/ adinfinNAUSEUM (ha ha)-- I seem to be losing at the rate of around .5 pounds per week.
I've decided NOT to put down a specific numeric goals BY a certain date-- b/c I am just going to trust that my body will know what to do and that I will follow the lead.  Clearly, if I stop losing entirely, I will need to take action-- but I seem to continue to inch my way down the scale.

This morning: 177.3... waiting to see that 176.whatever range again, so far, I've seen it once and I seem to be closing in.

As for the new place, there are the stresses and newness and uncertainties-- and even though I'd like to share more-- I feel it is best to just leave off of talking about stuff like that for confidentiality purposes. In broad terms, it is definitely a transitional time, and that is just stressful, no matter how confident you are in your abilities.

See you all later!

Insomnia

Ack. I cannot sleep. It is 12:35am and for some reason, I'm just not falling asleep right now. I guess it is no mystery that a new place could get to a person-- so much to learn, so many things to think about.  Pretty anxiety provoking, despite the fact that today was a good day.  I'm even feeling a bit more comfortable in my skin and I am loving my new suits too (vain, I know!)  I could never be in the awesome garb that I am wearing daily were it not for having the band and being along the way where I am so far in my weight loss.

That's sure positive.
I am not complaining about where I'm at in this w0rk transition, rather, just acknowledging that it is really a hard thing to do. I believe it ranks pretty high on the rating of psychosocial stressors. Is it any wonder that I cannot sleep?
And: I didn't exercise this morning-- and wanted to get up and get in at least a light 30 minute walk tomorrow morning... bleh, how am I going to do that if I need to be up in less than 6 hours???

On a side note: thanks for the great comments on my previous blog, and I am glad that the 'chew/ wait' advice was helpful and made sense to many of y'all. I know it seems to be working for me.  NO PB's at all today-- but I have to admit that I ate very little that could have even posed any issues until dinner.
My eating day:
DD medium latte/ whole milk
3 bites tuna salad / 1 strip bacon
Dinner:
turkey sausage with pasta/ red sauce (about 2 cups) total-- ate slow/ chewed!
glass of red wine
spinach salad w/ gorgonzola crumbles and mandarin orange pieces-- dressed with a yogurt ranch dressing
Dessert/ post dinner snack:
3 marshmallows/ 2 ghiradelli chocolate squares
4 mini pretzel logs

I managed to put away a fair bit of food, I suppose, once I got home from work. I was HUNGRY!! I think that is what happens when you don't eat much all day.
Like I may have been saying: I have to figure out my daily eating routine a bit better for weekdays-- but I am still in the adjustment phase.

More to come..

It works if you work it...and PIX

I love AA expressions. Not being an alcoholic myself, I do subscribe to the warmth of the self-help model. Um-- is AA self help anyway? I actually am really not sure, but who cares.

I'm here to tell you: "It works if you work it."  I mean: I decided to chew better and eat slower-- and 'ta da!'-- no more PB's yesterday after that commitment.

For anyone who wants to know, here is what I've realized being fairly well 'adjusted' band-wise:
1) Band tightness is most definitely variable, so WATCH OUT!  Be aware that at any given time you could be tight and not even realize it. Therefore, you need to follow the rest of your rules pretty religiously!
2) Chew extensively. This may be gross and TMI, but I've realized that if I chew food and hold it in my mouth for longer, the food gets mixed with saliva and I can swallow the saliva (I told you, ewwww) and the saliva has the taste of the food and the little particles of food in it too.
That said: you wind up taking a bite and swallowing several times 'mid' bite, so that you are basically liquidating the food (or at least converting it into a mushy) in your mouth.

I need to look up 'mastication' because that may be the actual definition of masticating food or chewing food, give or take a little.  I am very curious!

3) Wait between bites!! This actually is a better way (for me, at least) of saying: EAT SLOWLY.  Eat slowly somehow doesn't translate as well as actually having an active thing to do-- i.e. 'WAIT BETWEEN BITES.'  I've found this technique to be extremely useful and it allows me to eat much of anything I'd like. I must add, I do avoid many carby/ chewy items without much thought (donuts, bagels, and anything that seems gummy/ yeasty/ chewy) because I know that they are most likely going to be troublesome.
But besides those trouble items, I have realized that I really am not limited as to what I can eat, but I am very limited as to amount (unless I want to sit and eat for 2 hours each meal- a 'no-no' anyway.)

I think I'm also finding that eating so much slower (or waiting between bites) is naturally going to decrease the amount of food I'll eat over time.  Ok, duh.  But for me: major lightbulb going off.

Of course: the eating slowly / waiting bit also will hopefully cut back on much of the PB'ing that I have been experiencing.  The PB'ing is annoying and also gets an anxious and thoughtful person worrying. I don't know about you, but I begin to think: "Am I bulimic?" (Which I KNOW I AM NOT) when I am over the toilet once or twice a day basically regurgitating food I just ate.  Blech.  So, PB's are really something I want to avoid just for that fact.  Let's not forget, our surgeons really want us to avoid this event anyway b/c I think it puts the band at risk. (Not totally sure about this one, but I wouldn't be surprised b/c the food is going the wrong way and the band is involved in 'pushing it back up.' Ewww again.)

I think I've said it all in terms of what I've recently learned, and this all may be 'kids' stuff' to more experienced bandsters-- but for moi: golden info that I wanted to share.

Onto last evening: we were going to go to a former colleague of mine's wedding reception.  She actually eloped a while back but was having the reception last night.  We were all set to go when our babysitting fell through. I was bummed out b/c I was hoping to see some of my former colleagues at the event and have an enjoyable night too!  That said: we made the best of it and got tickets to go to a NJ Jackals baseball game. Fun!!  Here are some pix:

My adorable little one, almost 6 years old!!

Me and my cutie pie!

Workout log from week of 7/12/10

WORKOUT LOG-- WEEK OF 7/12-18/10

• GOAL: Work out at least 2 days before work; total of 3 exercise sessions for the week
• Su: 7/18/10-OFF
• S: 7/17/10-43 mins; 3 miles
• F: 7/16/10-53 minutes; 2.63 miles
• R: 7/15/10-none
• W: 7/14/10-45 minutes treadmill/ 3 miles
• T: 7/13/10-none
• M: 7/12/10-30 minutes, light treadmill walk

Posting my workout log because I'm going to rest tomorrow.

I surpassed my goal for the week and will reach further for next week... 

Cereal. Yeah, that's it AND my headshot.

Yum.
Cereal. I had Frosted Mini Wheats this morning (12 mini's) with whole milk and it was yummy and went down fine.
Why haven't I realized in all of the 7 months that I've been banded that cereal is band friendly and delish? And a great way to get fiber in???

Since I have a new j0b- I have to figure out how to eat and what to eat during work days-- so this is a new challenge.  I am working in a corporate office park, and getting food either means bringing it in or driving out to a store, restaurant, or fast food. There are several places close by, and in the past week, I've ordered sushi once, ate a protein bar, and gotten a piece of pizza (the pizza and the sashimi I got both caused me problems with PB'ing.  Perhaps I should just skip lunch??)

I have noticed that I've been PB'ing a fair bit lately, so I know that I am fairly tightly adjusted-- but not enough so that I am not hungry at all.  Well: I'm actually not sure if that is right.  Hunger is such a tricky thing.  Distinguishing between head hunger/ habitual eating (as in breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks) is really hard.  It could be that I'm not all that hungry much of the time.

In any case: I can go a long time without eating and when I do eat, I eat MUCH less than previously so that band is clearly working and I am working it.
With regard to the PB's, I feel a bit guilty.  I know it is my responsibility to manage my own behavior to have less side effects.
It could be possible that a bit more of a fill might manage my hunger/ desire to eat even more-- but I am not anxious to go back for more fill.  I have an appointment in August that I will keep to discuss things further with the surgeon-- but everything is quite manageable and status quo. If I wind up with a fill in August, that's all good too.

In the meantime, I am trying to be super mindful of chewing and eating slowly. (Duh, right?)  It seems to be working, but I'm still perfecting my technique.  I also have to admit that it is slighly frustrating to have PB's often- but not enough to get me down or worried or needing to go to the doctor before my next scheduled visit.  I'm not in any pain, not having any reflux, and can trace every PB to gulping food down too quickly, taking too large of a bite, or not waiting long enough between bites. So there you go!

I KNOW that if I adjust my eating behavior (as in chew a lot, A LOT, and eat slowly) I CAN eat virtually ANYTHING-- but I can't eat large quantities.  That's the band working as a tool.  I know the edict that the band should help you eat as LITTLE as possible to be satisfied, and I think that is probably happening too.  It takes too much time and effort to eat too much anyway, so I don't even bother!
I don't know if this whole diatribe has been totally confusing-- but it's just my thoughts put out there for your reading pleasure.

As for my weight: 177.5 this AM- still moving at a snail's pace and seemingly reliably at around 2 pounds per month.  Yes, I wish it were faster but I don't want to work harder at it.  This is my life and I'm just living it.  I am proud and excited that I'm exercising more and more, and getting in workouts before work!

As for the second part of the title, below is my headshot for public relations for work.  Very exciting that I would even need such a thing and that there was a whole write up of my arrival. Cool. (Don't mean to brag, but it was exciting and a first for me in my career.)

That said, being in somewhat of a key position in an organization has a different feel than my previous place.  Before, I was in a r0le of making much of OTHER peoples' ideas happen.
Now, I'm being called upon to be responsible for improving 0perati0ns-- and there will be very real targets that translate to some serious pressure.  I am pretty confident in my abilities-- and my mom was reassuring me that 1) this is what I wanted 2) I am ready for this level.

Boy, my posts are kind of boring and lame lately! Sorry-- hope to get back to some more interesting blogging soon!!

Been gone too long! and a Band 'PSA' (Scroll down to 2nd half of post for the PSA.)

Hey everyone: this has been a hectic week and the j0b is turning out to be all that I expected in the sense that there are tons of committed and hard working individuals there and that there is a LOT of w#rk for me to do.. that's why I've been hired.

I am what is known as an 'Operations' expert-- and for anyone who doesn't know what that's all about, it entails the way organizations run on a day to day all the way up to a strategic level. I do love to come in to an organization and bring it from 'good' to 'great' so to speak.  I've got a lot of work cut out for me, as I would no matter where I went-- whenever you bring in a 'fresh' executive, you get new ideas.  I've been told that in the corporate world, it is taboo for people to remain in the same position for more than a few years because of this.  But there are many contradictions too-- you see CE0's in many organizations who are around for years.  Yet, look at the crises we have in the US and world economy.  Perhaps shaking up those higher ups too would do a world of good??? The problem is that from CE0, there isn't much place to go and move around WITHIN an organization!

OK, who cares about all of this w0rk nonsense!!  For anyone who is reading and wondering why I'm using zeros for "o's"-- it's to prevent google crawls or searches of my blog for words that would buzz and might (in the very minute chance, but still) bring someone to my blog whom is not meant to read it.

I really do not mean to be paranoid at all-- but since we've noted some 'security breaches' lately, I believe that discretion is always the key and that is why I won't really be talking much about my j0b anyway, except in the broadest of terms. I am keeping the actual deets of my org. on the down low as well-- because what I have to say doesn't really require that much info either.

The bottom line is that this is my blog about my life-- heavily 'weighted' towards the band experience and losing weight and keeping it off.... but life is also about what you do each day and I spend a lot of time in my w0rk-- so there you have it.

I wound up staying in a hotel on Wednesday night b/c we have several centers that are way out from where I live (and from corporate hq, by the way.)  You'd think that staying in a 'Hyatt Regency Gold Club/ Resort' would be super fabulous-- but let me tell you, it wasn't.  I was bummed that the scheduling turned out the way it did (it is one of the things I am taking hold of now-- my SCHEDULE was nuts this week...) and kept me away from my family. At the same time, I could not justify making two 100 mile trips back and forth two days in a row!! AHHHHHHH.

Not surprisingly, the new placement has been good (in general) for my eating. NO TIME TO EAT MUCH during the day.  My weight seems to be in the steady 177.point whatever area right now-- but that's right on target for my 'turtle time' weight loss of around 2 pounds per month.

Did you just fall off your chair reading that?  WHAT??? Only 2 pounds per month?????? Ack.  I know, but it seems to be the way it is and I've stopped the diet war and have made my peace with food so much that when I was in the hotel and ordering room service, I DIDN'T order DESSERT. Not because I didn't  want any at all-- but it just didn't seem worth it very much. (Besides, I did stop at a Walgreen's and pick up some Ghiradelli chocolate squares, and I had 3 of them over the course of the evening.)  I'm not saying I didn't want sweets, I'm saying I knew I would want something sweet-- and I knew what I wanted.  Not some 7000 calorie piece of crappy chocolate cake from hotel room service.  I wanted some nice, predictable, quality chocolate-- individually wrapped so that I could keep my consumption in mind.

YAY me.  As for what I ordered from room service, I decided on 3 appetizers:
Creamed spinach
Garlic sausage with beans and toasted baguette slice
French onion soup

Amazingly for me, I got the food and it looking like a TON of food-- and I had a few bites of sausage, the entire piece of toasted baguette, dipped into the creamed spinach, a few bits of the creamed spinach and maybe 1/3rd of the soup with the cheese.  I was FAR from finishing ANY of it.

Woke up quite hungry, I might add-- b/c I wound up eating very little that day. (Oh, further disclosure, I also bought myself potato chips and cheezits at the Walgreens I mentioned earlier.  I had a few handfuls of each and threw the rest away too!)

I am proud of how I did.  It wasn't a struggle and I didn't eat 'perfectly'-- but I think I did great.  I ate what I wanted in an unpredictable situation and didn't use it as an excuse to go 'hog wild.'  I didn't even want to do that.  The band has really helped me there.  I wouldn't say that my hunger was gone, and I wouldn't say that I had no cravings for salty and sugary comfort food (enter the chips, cheezits, chocolate)-- but I was able to quickly satisfy those desires and get rid of all of the leftovers without gorging myself at all.  And I just wasn't all that motivated to eat so much.

I think my band is well-adjusted at this point. Again: I am not saying that I'm never hungry-- not so. It is more that I MUST chew very well (except for mushies and protein bars) to get solids down. So this is work and mindful work at that-- and if I don't pay attention, I wind up sliming and occasionally PB'ing.  I am trying to avoid these episodes as much as possible-- but I don't think they occur b/c I am too tight. I think they are purely behavioral in nature. If I chew enough and eat slow enough-- I am just fine.

This is very complicated to explain, but the end run is that eating is more of a chore than it once was, and the days of being able to 'throw down' anything are totally gone. I used to take alot of comfort in eating a yummy salty, fatty, and/ or sweet thing in big bites and feeling my stomach get full. Not anymore-- it just isn't possible.

As for diet soda, I had a can of diet coke the other day.  It was pretty good, but I don't feel tempted to go back and have a ton more diet soda. I stick to water for hydration most days- I drink coffee and herbal teas and, my fave: wine. Most days, I'm having a glass of wine in the evening, and as you may know, I love me a dirty martini when we go out.

What I'm trying to share is that the band is really working for me-- and I am working with the band. I suppose that if I were to become obsessive and 'diet-y,' I could get my calories down much lower and take off the weight faster. I do believe from my experience that weight loss really DOES come down to calorie restriction. While it is NOT straight-forward, as we all know from hearing about each others' plateau moments-- it is still mostly about reducing calories. So, I guess I could lower my calories (but I can't really tell you what I'm having in the way of calories per day b/c I don't count calories!!)

But I don't want to do that. I'm living my life and loving my life and being in the now and not obsessing about weighing, measuring etc.  I do get on the scale most every day to stay accountable-- that is important to me.  I also look to the fit of my clothes when the scale is stuck-- that works too...

I hope that some of the above PSA about the band is helpful to any newbies.  I am still learning at around 7 months out-- but things seem to be going very well.

Started my new J-0-B today!

Hey y'all-- started my new 'yob' today... all is going well. I am back in the land of blackberries, politics, and crises- oh my! (Actually: the hum in my new place is much 'softer' and I think my stress level will be WAY better.) Me hopes that I am not speaking too soon.

Nevertheless, I am worn out from being on today and lots of meetings and new info.

A quick shout to Barbara from Buck's who has been stuck on an endless-seeming and irritating plateau-- but we all know she'll beat it!! Right??? Right!

And Dashy, thanks, as always for your confidence and sassy encouragement.

I am commenting to y'all in my blog b/c I am a bit lazy and afraid I won't get to give individual comments... As for everyone who commented on my BYOC-- I need to get back to you guys too, I'm sorry I haven't already.  It is not b/c of 'no love' but b/c of some anticipatory anxiety that translated into no blogging for a couple of days.

I have a quick tip for bandsters who take pills:
I have found that I do infinitely better taking pills will a warm beverage-- at least in the morning (when we tend to be tighter.)  I usually take my vitamins and other pills will coffee and/ or tea (sometimes I have both in the morning-- I am  a sucker for a warm and comforting bevy in the am!)

As for my band status, I weighed myself when I got home from work today and was 177.3, so while I am not at my all time low, I think the vacation damage is going to be rectified relatively quickly. (I hope!)  Today, just as I thought, I had a very light eating day because I'm back at work, where I don't feel like eating much, and then when I get home, I'm tight and CAN'T eat much:

coffee with regular milk
tea with ~tbs of hazelnut creamer
1 protein bar
3 strawberries/ 1 chunk cantaloup
1 glass of wine
1 medium full fat milk latte
a few tiny bites of steak, a few bites of mashed potatoes, and a few bites of dressed spinach salad


Pretty low intake today, which is all good, since I've been 'gorging' (comparatively speaking) lately.  When I say 'gorging'-- I mean that I've been eating 3 meals per day on most days (whereas I usually stick with 1 or 2 when I'm more on track and more busy doing other stuff) and paying a bit less attention overall.  I WAS on vacation-- so 'WTF.'

I'm proud to say that my new boss brought in a nice lemon cake for my first meeting with her and her group-- and I had none at the mtg (nobody cared) AND I didn't take any later from the break room.  I did have the perfect opportunity to take a sliver, but I talked myself out of it... I really didn't want it anyway.

Oh band-- you are working really well for me today! Thank you.

Workout record for 7/5-7/11/10

Here is my workout log for this week-- I'll be keeping a running/ weekly log each week and I want to keep the record for the progress...

I'm logging this today b/c in taking a look at the week, tomorrow really ought to be a 'rest day.' I've done a fair bit this week and I'm sore!

WORKOUT LOG-- WEEK OF  7/5-11/10

• Su: 7/11/10-REST DAY
• S: 7/10/10-50 mins treadmill/ 3.06 miles
• F: 7/9/10-40 minute walk (slow pace/ outside)
• R: 7/8/10-40 minute light trail walk (Mohonk)
• W: 7/7/10-2 hours hiking/ rock-climbing (Mohonk)
• T: 7/6/10- 40 mins treadmill
• M: 7/5/10-40 mins treadmill

My first BYOC

Shout out to Draz for posting BYOC's-- they really are a great way to get to know our fellow bloggers-- and given the opportunity to think about the questions, the questions are very thought provoking.

I don't think I've had time to EVER answer a BYOC before today-- but I have certainly enjoyed reading the answers from many of you! Here is my first stab at BYOC. (Emphasis on "C" for moi.)

1.  Love or money?  High salary or job satisfaction?

Love, all the way, baby.  I came to this realization through none other than my actual experiences and learning to depend on myself.  Once I determined that I was OK on my own (both financially and emotionally, I met my wonderful best friend/ husband.)

When I was in my early to late 20's, I was attracted to traditionally 'successful' and financially 'made' guys.  Living in New York City, I dated investment bankers, lawyers, doctors, and officers of financial institutions. (Yes: I was a busy girl in my 20's!)  But I never wound up in the relationship I wanted.

That all changed when I met my husband, a total Renaissance man (as I described him when we first met.)  He didn't meet any of my 'criteria'-- hadn't even finished his college degree at that point.  He challenged my notions of what the man in my life "needed to be" by the time I met him.  Instead, my husband (to be) was a student at Columbia University, making his own way through college in his own time.  He was in sales at the time, but was unfulfilled and wasn't sure where his career would lead him-- even though he was already 30 (gasp!) years old.

All of the above said: my DH was EVERYTHING that I wanted in a person, in a soul. Warm, loving, kind, funny, smart.... and accepting of me with all of my foibles.  

So, I let go of everything that I 'expected' in my mate-- and went for what I KNEW was the right 'person.'  And I was right and I am eternally glad!

As for high salary or job satisfaction-- I say: both.  I know this is a frustrating answer, but I believe you can find both.  "High" salary is relative-- it depends on where you live, and what you need materially.  Job satisfaction is a must, but I personally don't feel that I would be satisfied UNLESS I were highly paid.  To me: this question is intensely personal (not private) in that satisfaction is totally subjective.  I'm not sure if I'm making any sense- but let me end this by saying I am fortunate to have chosen a field that it a great fit for me AND one in which I can be well paid. Each of these is important and I am seeking the balance in my career that speaks exactly to getting both highly paid AND being satisfied.

2.  What is your favorite time of day?

Morning! I love the quiet time before anyone gets up.  Total peace.

3.  My in-laws just had their wills done so it made me wonder this.  Do you have a will?  Did you tell anyone your wish to be kept alive or not?

Lecture time! YES, OF COURSE I HAVE A WILL and I have to be honest, I KNOW that anyone with children ought to have a will.  You need to provide for the horrendous eventuality that you (or your partner) may die while your children are still young and need financial support AND an assigned guardian.  

Wills are NOT just for people with tons of money-- they are also for anyone with children as I've just described.

Was it hard to go do the will (I mean, emotionally? YES, I cried when I signed it-- but I am secure in knowing that my wishes are known for my child, and he has a guardian should my husband and I die together.)  Was the will difficult to do in technical terms: not really.  The attorney asked us all of the questions that were needed (there were seemingly 10 billion things to think of...but that's what lawyers are for!!) and then he prepared a the document, we went and met with him, reviewed in thoroughly (a rough hour of our lives,) and we signed. WORTH IT.

And YES, I did express my wishes, as did my husband, about end of life care-- this is the gift of doing a will with an attorney.  S/he will help you with this part too by asking the right questions and getting the answers about your end of life wishes and getting you to assign a health care proxy.

4.  Repeat question.  Pick one thing for one day you'll do next week that aids in your physical or mental health.

I am committing to exercising at least 3 times in the upcoming week (I am counting the new week as starting with Monday 7/12/10.) I want to start off my new job life on a good foot- and if I get up early enough, I can fit in a 30 minute workout before work most days!

5.  Repeat questions.  Make someone a superstar for a moment...whose comment or blog stuck with you this week and why.

I really enjoyed Barbara's blog about testing the band, behavioral conditioning, and Pavlov. I hear you sister and have thought about the conditioning I am getting from the band as well because it was a really thoughtful treatment of the issue.

Clickie: Barbara's post regarding Pavlov and the band.

Wow, now that was LONG.  Congrats if you read all the way through-- you know a lot more about me!

Mohonk Mountain House!

Hi y'all-- I'm just back from a great little trip to Mohonk Mountain House with my DH for his 40th birthday celebration. This was actually the first time we left my son overnight with my parents on a planned holiday.  (He has stayed with my parents and with my sister a couple of other impromptu times-- but this was his first planned sleepover and it went great!)

The trip was really fun and we had an especially great time climbing to the top of the mountain- we did the challenging course and did 'scrambling/ rock climbing' and it was SUPER heavy duty in terms of workout.

Here are some pictures:

This is a cute picture of my and my hubs on the balcony-- such a loving shot!

Below is a picture of me in my cute little sundress.  This is actually the first time I EVER wore this dress, despite the fact that I bought it around 3 years ago... but I got it out of the closet and it is a great fit and kind of comfy/ cute dinner sundress.

Here I am with my FAVORITE drink (the Dirty Martini-- mmmm!)

... And here I am on the climb...

And here we are at the very top after a lot of hard work (hands and feet, scrabbling, pulling and yanking ourselves up and up and up! We were so happy to have made it to the top!

I am SO sore today (the day after the climb.) But it was totally well worth it.  It was amazing to see what my body can do and I really challenged myself.  We literally climbed up VERTICAL walls of rock through sheer determination and not being ABLE to turn back.

Proud, proud, proud.
And so glad my butt didn't get permanently smooshed into the tiny little vertical crevice that we had to climb up through to reach the summit. I was scared but I did it!

On my usual boing-boing merry-go-round

I don't have any right to complain about my weight being 180.4 this morning.  I ate about 6 large olives yesterday-- I was really craving salty food and I did it. Mkay?

I cannot even muster too much complaining energy about it b/c I went and tried on a few pieces of clothing and my new 'goal' pants are fitting better than ever.  I am officially inching down the scale-- and while it is frustrating to lose so slowly, I am in control of this game.  If I worked harder, I would lose weight faster. That's the God's honest truth.  I just am NOT working hard at it at all. I'm living my life and not obsessing about diets and calories and have been very free from the food war since early January 2010. What more can I ask, really?

As I've said, I am very much looking forward to starting my new position on 7/12/10 because w**k during the week gives me a structure that I haven't had for a few weeks.  In the past, I had a latte before leaving, then at some point in the early afternoon, I'd have a protein bar or something small for lunch, and then I would come home and have dinner and then a snack before bed. Yeah: I said it.  Bad band girl-- NO snacking before bed... right? Sigh.  Well: I do have a snack before bed many a night.  I just tend to eat most of my calories at that time b/c I am very busy during the day and it actually really doesn't seem to pay for me to try to 'spread out' my calories.  I am no less hungry etc.

I cannot assume that I will be exactly the same as I was (eating wise) in my new placement. After all: the commute is quite different (and better!) I know many people would groan at the idea of having to drive about 45 miles to work-- but for me it will be HEAVEN in comparison to my former commute from hell.  Formerly: I used to drive to a train, take a 20 minute train, then either walk a mile across town or take a bus. The whole thing took an hour and 15 minutes on a very good day. On a bad day, I could be commuting for nearly 2 hours going ONE way.  Horrendous. So glad it is OVER!!!!

That said: the commute to my new place seems to take about an hour-- but it is in my glorious car and I sit on my rear end in my driver's seat the whole way.  Commuting home could be more problematic and may take longer due to traffic. I'll have to play it out to see what times work best.  Unfortunately, it seems like 5pm, when I'd ideally like to leave, is a BAD time to go (quittin' time for almost everyone in the universe it seems... hence, bad traffic).  Leaving me with 6pm as a better time to leave for home.  If I am lucky, I will find that a 6pm leave from my place will wind me up at home right before 7pm and afford me 2 nice hours with my kid and dh before kid goes to bed.

I'm getting those 'guilties' started where I am feeling bad that I will be away for many hours of each workday etc etc, but somebody has got to do it! My dh started his own consulting firm (he is a private detective and corporate fraud analyst) this January and is doing GREAT, but it is up to me to bring in the steady bucks at this point. We certainly are seeing some nice returns on his business, but it will be a while before he is earning big bucks. I am hoping for it-- his area of expertise is in demand and he easily got 2 very good contracts out of the gate-- and already has hired a junior investigator to work with him-- good for hubby!!

Do you dream of winning the lottery and stopping w*rk, if you w*rk outside the home? If you wo*k in your home (i.e. you are a 'stay at home parent') do you wish the same? [i.e. if you are responsible for the household, would you get a driver for your kids, a housekeeper, a chef etc.]
I mean: if you had ALL of the money you could possibly have an no need to w*rk: would you wo*k?

Here is my answer, pure and simple: NO FUCKING WAY would I w*rk.  In my current lifestyle, I'd fully finish my requirements (if I won a multi-million-dollar jackpot) and be sure I set my place on its feed-- and then I'd be history.
That is not to say that I do not LOVE what I do.  I am made to be what I am in my proffe*ssion*al life.  (Sorry for the irritating asterisks, but I like to keep myself out of any google searches with the words I'm asterisking!)

Now: I am about to begin a new engagement with an organization that has a mission that is in line with my personal belief system and ensures care to unders/erv/ed individuals.  I cannot believe my good fortune in landing this j/0b.   I get to do good things and make a great salary? WTF? Someone is buying me as a Senior V*ice Pr*sident?? I mean: I do believe it, but it is hard to believe at the same time.

My therapist actually pointed out to me that it is very nice that I am looking at my world in such wonderment...I was saying to him, I cannot be an S*V*P, I am 5 years old!! Why is anyone taking me seriously??
That's how I feel sometimes-- and evidently, this is a good thing. I am appreciative of my progress and my accomplishments, so much so, that sometimes, they don't even seem real.

Interesting to ponder.
Gotta run, son is up!

Officer, cuff me and take me to band jail.

I have to admit, right here, that I am still eating like a little piggy. Ack.  This better be pre-(.) [homage to Jennyr- I love how she writes that!] looseness, hunger+ celebratory weekend/ vacation time.

I was so stuffed after the BBQ we went to yesterday that I felt like it had been Thanksgiving! Interestingly enough, or maybe not so, I know I didn't eat THAT much- especially if I compared yesterday to pre-band eating fests.  Nevertheless, I was STUFFED by the end of the day and it was ANYTHING except a band eating day.

I didn't like the feeling and need to keep that in mind, it will help me stay more on the 'straight and narrow' with 'head hunger' and self control.  I was eating when I was no longer hungry-- I KNOW it.  Even when we got to our BBQ party, I wasn't hungry after eating the 'mid-afternoon' meal below. Bleh. But I managed to throw down, party style, over the course of a number of hours. Sigh.

Here is a rundown:
AM: 1 Fiber One pancake/ 2 pieces of crisp center cut bacon; Coffee w/ 2% milk
Mid Afternoon: Leftover eggplant parmesan (homemade)--around 1.5 cups or so
Later in the day/ BBQ:
Wine (around a total of 2 glasses over the course of 6 hours)
1 handful of 'Pop' chips w/ onion dip
3 small BBQ'd pork ribs
1/4 cup coleslaw
1/2 cornbread muffin
2 chocolate chip cookies
1 piece of butterscotch pudding pie

Well: this is accountability time-- and as I said above, remembering time.  I am obviously hungry from pre-menstrual hormonal stuff, but I have to take responsibility to STOP myself when I really am NOT hungry anymore.  Not only that, I need to recall that I don't feel good when I continue to eat and eat beyond my capacity.  I don't mean to say that I think I hurt myself or stretched anything. (I don't think I did... (?))  Rather: I mean to point out my personal responsibility in taking care of myself and eating right because I feel better for it.

An observation that I would definitely drive home for myself is that I know the relief of seeing the scale go down allowed me to feel relief that the band 'is working.'  The next thing that happened from this relief is the eating fest that has ensued in the past few days.  There is a witch's brew for disaster going on in the confluence of events as well:
1) My (.)
2) My vacation time.
3) 4th of July

Ah well: time to tie a knot to the end of the rope and hang on.  I know that the band is there and I can do this...

I ate the farm.

Edited to add:
I really can do so much better than the post below.  After having read through some of your blogs (I have SO much catching up to do, man...) I have all of these things to say:

1) Amy W. --  As I said in my comment, I admire you.  It also warms my heart that you received so much love and support.  Perhaps our world is getting on the right track and people are happy to let everyone live their own lives! Amen.

2) I had a pill debacle this morning that I feel I must share with y'all. It is just responsible blogging, particularly for newer bandsters.
Let me just start by saying that I take a number of pills daily.  So, I've needed to get good at swallowing pills with the band and have developed a system.
The system is uncomplicated-- but if I screw it up, there can be hell to pay, just like this morning.
I basically just cut pills in halves and then in quarters if the pill is large.   Then I swallow the pieces of the pills will water over the course of a number of minutes.  If I rush, problems ensure-- it takes some doing, but I'm pretty used to it and I've gotten good. (Read: too cocky for my own healthy pill swallowing.)
To make matters worse, if I add a new pill-- this time, I've added a vitamin meant to stabilize female hormones (please let this help my dumb cramps...)-- I need to be careful and learn how the pill must be cut.  Oops-- made a wrong turn on that road this morning and ended up with the slime of the century before the pill went down. UGH.

3) I've had to avoid a lot of the beginnings of your posts answering Drazil's very reasonable 9/11 question. I.just.can't.deal.
I was in NYC (working at a hospital not more than 30 blocks from the towers) on that day. I saw the buildings on fire and watched the events unfold from a WINDOW.  I will never forget the SMELL of NYC that didn't go away for quite some time.
I don't want to get it into it further, but I am still traumatized and avoid thinking too much of the day.  Too painful and I knew one of the Cantor Fitzgerald victims-- a father of a kindergartener at that time... I cannot bear to think of the explanation that the mom had to make.
Can I just say horrendous crime against humanity? Enough for now.

I guess that's it for now. Sorry to be so dark right above. I shouldn't have gone there.

Original Post:
That old band addage is true (am I mispelling 'addage', my computer is not recognizing it....):
On the eve of your period, your band really DOES loosen up-- and you're hungry as a mofo.  It's true, it's happening to me. Dang.

I reached a new low on the scale this week-- check out my ticker: 176ish.  Yeah baby.  I am pretty sure that my hunger and willingness to eat is also related to that new low.

I officially completed my tenure at my last place-- and now have a week between that place and the new one.  I'm looking forward to it and looking forward to some structured days.  That really helps with my eating-- doesn't it help you too?

I'm also glad to report that now that I've given back my laptop, my DH convinced me that we ought to buy me a Macbook laptop for my usage.  It is a great computer, fun and easy to use.  I will be 'vlogging' before you know it.. Mac makes it easy.

Cool!

This is the most BORING post ever. Sorry y'all.